I woke up this morning at 3:30. Not a huge surprise, I am an anxious person, with an anxiety disorder and our life is currently a bit stressful. Also doesn’t help that my job requires me to be up by about 4:15am at the latest anyways and there is a switch in me that if I have to get up too early too often my circadian rhythm gets messed up and anxiety attacks will hit me.
However, this anxiety was due to a bit of dreams (which are just a blur now, I waited to long to post), my current employment situation, but mostly my parents. Things have seemed to settle well for them, they are on the wagon and their health has stabilized. It sounds weird I would have an anxiety attack about them when things are going well, but for some reason that is the trigger for me. Evidently I like anxiety on some subconscious level.
I think my biggest anxiety is the fact that my dad’s 66th birthday is Monday. I realize he isn’t very old, but there health makes them about 10 years older in body then in years. I feel guilty/sad that I haven’t “made it rich” enough to support them as they get older. This means I have less time to take care of them like I want. I barely can support my husband, let alone do much more then a food run for my parents. It isn’t like my parents expect it, or that anyone outside my own head looks poorly on me (in fact my parents are very proud of how far I have gotten).
I guess it is just a way for my mental issues to rise up and remind me that they haven’t left yet.