I have always known that I have issues. I am sure it stems back to my upbringing, genetics and experiences. I grew up in poverty, violence, and a scattering of some pretty incredible experiences. Combine this with my family’s mental health history including bipolar, PTSD, depression, anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder, crime, and self medicating.

I have had four different counselors in the last five years I have gone to. None of them have worked out. The first one could only see me ever 12 weeks or so, while she was great, it wasn’t enough to do anything for me.

The second counselor was of no use. They really weren’t interested in doing much but trying to get me to take meds, which by the way I have a bad reaction to (at least Setraline aka Zoloft). That counselor was done quickly, as was my use of the med.

The third counselor got fixated on my family and stories about my family. She was less interested in helping me and more about some weird desire to vicariously live through my experiences. My sessions made my anxiety and PTSD worse and that just didn’t work out in the end.

My most recent counselor I gave a try to was last year. A few months after my father’s death I went in and tried again. This time I figured I would just start with the grief counseling part. I went a couple of times, he seemed pretty good but was once again I think intimidated by my life story. I went to training for work for a couple of weeks and when I got back my counselor never responded to any of my calls for getting more appointments. I don’t know if maybe he moved on or if he is avoiding me, but I sort of gave up on that.

I am pretty much done with counselors I think. My goal now is to just try and write about my feelings. I have found that actually helps me more with my anxiety then most counselors do. This means you all may be subject to my ramblings. I will try and post a disclaimer or maybe tag it “therapy” when I start talking about how I feel. 🙂


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