My husband is a spectacular guy, he means the world to me. He always has and always will. I know logically and emotionally that he loves me, no matter if I look like a boy, a girl, something that fits between. He thinks I am attractive if I am chubby as I am now, or skinny when he first got with me. I totally, unconditionally know this logically.
Then why do I continuously worry that he will look at me and find I am not what he signed on for? Whether its in 2 months or 2 years I just have this weird anxiety that he is going to want to leave. It is nothing he has done, he has been nothing but loving and supportive of everything. I realize it is purely the gerbils in my head.
I worry that I may not be able to transition far enough to “pass” like he has going the other way, that he will find me unattractive. I worry he will miss me being a boy, or miss being in a gay relationship. I also totally realize he had these same worries about me when he transitioned, and I am sure he has no doubts about me, exactly how I felt about him during his transition.
I also logically realize that my anxieties are far more extensive then that, and really aren’t even associated with him. He is just the focus I have. There are a lot of anxieties, and I think in this blog I will talk more about my feelings than I am used to. In my last blog I was more focused on things logically, I didn’t get as personal as I wished I had.
So I guess I am going to start being more personal. It will probably be a bit weird, but I am ok with that.
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