Yesterday I got my informed consent letter from a very good mental health counselor. This is what is needed for the doctor to prescribe HRT and any possible surgeries under the coverage of insurance.
I hadn’t realized how worried I was about it until I woke up the morning of the appointment with only two hours of sleep. I get anxious with bouts of insomnia but that was pretty bad.
I really don’t know what I was fearing exactly. I have been this way since I was a teen, but I think it is only now that I am willing to push forward. He confirmed everything I had thought, and it got rid of that stupid fear that maybe I was misreading myself. So for that alone the appointment was worth it.
I still feel like an imposter wearing the clothes when I look in the mirror, but having confirmation from both my counselor and my husband reinforces that the worrying is just in my head and it isn’t real. I also know that many other trans have that same feeling of being an imposter (I have been told directly from others) and I know logically for me it is a wrong feeling just like it was for them.
I was also worried maybe I was going to fast, the hubby is always reassuring that I am not being unreasonable (we went fast on his transition), and the counselor echoed those same thoughts.
It means next week I get to go in and talk to the doctor about my HRT, take my tests and do all the medical stuff necessary to get started. I am still a bit scared, but not because I think I might be wrong. I know in my head what I feel, and have felt for decades. I am just worried about the external consequences of going down the path.
I avoided the path as long as I could because of those externalities. Now I get to see first-hand, not just as a spouse, what they are.