Stressful morning, maybe coming out

This morning is highly stressful. I am going up to my old hometown to get my second session of laser hair removal on my face, and while I am there I am going to visit the parents’ grave and have breakfast with my little brother.

I am planning on telling him about my transition. Right now as it stands only my husband, one friend who is also transgender, my doctors and the laser hair removal people know. Since I still work for the Department of Defense (and will do it for at least six more weeks) I don’t dare go public. In addition I am not sure how public I will be until the hormones have worked the magic they have (at least as far as they can).

The reason I am considering coming out to be my brother is because he was very upset to find out after a lot of other people about my husband’s transition (from wife to husband). I love him, and I know he loves me and I want to give him a chance. He seemed hurt by it and my family was incredibly close growing up (probably inappropriately so).

My fear is he will totally blow it, freak out and then tell everyone else. He is fairly even keeled about a lot of things, but every once in awhile a childish streak comes out and he acts like a freaking out teenager.

I really want to believe he will keep it quiet, be happy and supportive. I think that is a possibility. Sadly the thing that freaks me out is he might not be. His own demons have been biting at him since our parents passed and sometimes he doesn’t make the best choices, especially concerning life decisions and sobriety.

I am worried he is going to lose his shit, tell others and bitch. To be honest it isn’t his freakout that is worrying me and making it hard to sleep, it’s the fact that if he does that he is out of my life and I already don’t talk with certain other members of my family. 

So this morning is stressful until we find out what direction this goes.

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