It is over, my last day at work was last Friday and while part of me is freaking out about possible financial crises that may arise in the future, I have not felt this good since before I worked at the Department of Defense. I was worried I would feel bad as I was escorted off the secure facility, but not at all, I was extremely excited and happy.
I didn’t realize how much stomach acid burning feelings of dislike I had. I don’t have to worry if someone notices my hair growing out (it is much longer now then it was normally), or when I wear nail polish, bracelets, etc.
I am now adopting most of all that as my daily style. This means whatever job picks me up this will be my “normal” look. Until I am officially out (when my hormones and external work get to a point that I appear at least moderately feminine) I will be that “fabulous” gay guy. That is ok too for now.
I didn’t realize how much driving onto a secure facility with checkpoints bothered me, even if the outsourced security (btw the same security company I believe that provides security guards for the mall and my understanding is they rotate) was the biggest joke you would ever see. Seriously, my site ID badge has me 60 pounds heavier with short short hair, I am now way lighter, wearing a lot more casual clothing and my hair is down to my shoulder blades and I look different enough that people that knew me for years don’t recognize me right off the bad. These are new guard so they don’t even know me. That my friends is an example of our security at our “secure” facilities working on classified projects.
Or having defense contract workers glare at us for being auditors, to be fair we glared back because they were privileged asses, so I guess that is a wash. However I won’t miss having to deal with a group of people so out of touch with the rest of the workforce that they assume they are somehow more special. Hmm… I guess I really didn’t like the site did I.
Overall, while my gerbils freak out about illusionary money issues, I haven’t felt this good about my soul in years. I think only part of that is transitioning, the other is not working for the war machine.