09/18/2019

So angry

I woke up so angry this morning, just furiously angry, that I had to quit the best paying job I had because there are so many people who are hateful bigots.
So motherfucking angry
I want to be clear. I absolutely made the right choice leaving. I have never been happier with myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I even think sometimes I look cute. This is something that has never happened in almost 50 years of being a boy. Before my transition I HATED the way I looked at all times, although I didn’t know why for most of my life. I have shed in the last six months 90+ pounds of weight, without trying, because I was depression eating. I now sometimes enjoy shopping and I want to own things like clothing and to look nice. So the personal changes are good.
As for my job, I work with great people. I don’t mind my actual job duties at all, there is no excusing defense contractors from overcharging millions so there is more job enjoyment. Finally, I like being outside of Seattle. The less traffic is worth it, even with my bigger commute It is a non-financial net win, and I know that. Part of me just tells myself to shut up because my life is good. That being said I still woke up incredibly angry that I had to take an $800 a paycheck pay-cut, and two less pay-checks a year (approximately $30,000 a year pay-cut). After taxes that difference would be able to pay for my FFS within one year without touching a dime of what I make now. In all fairness I am now paying about $1,000 a month less because I don’t live in Seattle, so it isn’t 100% negative financially for the move. I guess I am just really upset I had to change my life because of who I am. I am absolutely happier now than I have ever been. It is 100% worth it. However I just felt very angry this morning I was forced to make those changes to do this. That I couldn’t just be who I was before. I guess I just woke up angry at Trumpian voters and that kind of mindset. Such hateful people.
I am just tired of hateful people, I suspect watching the news with our government and all the issues that are occurring is just making me feel a bit beaten down, or in this case super angry. Although on a positive note I saw an outfit I want… that is still a very new feeling for me.

2 thoughts on “So angry

  1. Or, I freaked you out good yesterday because my job is so terrible.

    Seriously, I am angry about that as well. I wanted to spend at least five years there, and get a small pension. Yet, I’m out because of the bigotry.

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