Uncomfortable Insomnia with a bit of Panic Attack

Woke up with panic attack.

I realize this is bad form. I am posting out of order. I just had my surgeries three days ago and I am thrilled with the results. I look really good, I am incredibly happy, etc. However., that post will come later, now I am talking about how uncomfortable I woke up feeling this evening. I think I was dreaming as well, but I don’t remember it now.

My breasts hurt, well ache is probably more accurate. A deep deep ache as they are particularly large and are still moving into place. They said it takes a week or more for them to settle in their final position. They are awesome, but yep… still twinge and ache while I type.

The strap I have to wear on top of them is the most annoying and aching part. The boobs need a gentle but steady push downward to move them into place. That is what the strap does. I never realized how uncomfortable breast implants were… but totally worth it!

My face is even more painful. The cutting, stapling, moving of muscles, and a bit of lipo means it is swollen. I am incredibly excited by it, it makes me happy… especially my lips, but it aches, is swollen and still needs time to heal.

Mostly though I was uncomfortable due to the claustrophobia I felt at 1130pm. Since I have gotten out of surgery my head has been wrapped in one form or another. To be honest, most of the last three days have been a blur due to exhaustion and Percocet. I am taking less than prescribed and I think I finally woke up with that hurt catching up.

It didn’t help though that I can’t hear. That gave me a panic attack as well. My ears are pretty swollen, and on top of it they are wrapped up. This combined with my hearing deficit I am fairly close to deaf if I am fully wrapped up. The swelling on the ears caught me off guard, but even now I think they are better than three days ago.

I am fortunate, I can take off the wrap when I want, but I want the neck work to have the best chance to heal so I am leaving it on. I even have the stupid little support straps on right now to help keep it in place while I sleep.

I think the uncomfortableness also stems from not eating well for the last three days. Hubby has been feeding me, but no appetite (although a good point, no throwing up either). I have had very little caffeine intake, and until a few hours ago I hadn’t had any hormones for more than two weeks. I suspect this evening’s little wake up feeling like I was being suffocated is all of this, along with a slight panic attack.

I have always had a fear of suffocating. I woke up with that feeling compounded by being wrapped up as if buried alive. I totally get that I am full of hyperbole right now, but it is what I woke up with along with my normal night terrors/insomnia.

Now that I have spent 20 minutes trying to write this out I am more tired and less panicked. I will leave it at that, tired, hurting a bit, but happier than anyone else could ever imagine. Maybe I will watch some more Wu Assassins and fall asleep. I will come back tomorrow with all the pictures and stories about my surgery. The pictures are both awesome, and god awful, sort of like me.

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