Happy Holidays everyone, my Christmas was great. I got to spend it with my husband, best friend, and lover (lol yep they are the same). My hubby has made my life bearable and I can never express to him how much I treasure that.
I keep meaning to post more but having a hard time with my mental health. The holidays, the loss of my parents, and the guilt that it has been five years and I am not over it (I realize that isn’t something you get over, which is why the guilt I know is a pang of liar guilt). I also think part of my grief is realizing my family is mostly gone, only one member still alive reaches out occasionally and it leaves a weird emptiness I never felt then, even though some of the things in my childhood was the stuff of novels.
The positive note is that while I feel like life is harder mentally than it was before all of this transition and therapy, my therapist says that is because we are making progress. Evidently, I am not disassociating anymore and that is why it’s harder, I am not instinctively making myself numb. I didn’t realize therapy takes so long, but evidently, it hasn’t been near that long, and I suspect the stuff I am working through is long-term.
Whatever I am meandering about in that last paragraph, I am a lot better. ❤
We did get our booster shots for COVID. We went to the local county jail and they had a pop up clinic that had it available. It was definitely worth it, although standing in front of that jail was cold, wet and rainy and one large cop kept staring at me. At first I assumed the trans thing (and it probably was partially) but I realized as we left that he was staring at my tits.
How is it that I count an inappropriate behavior as a win? I guess if it somehow validates feminity in me that I will take it?
Other than that, the holiday itself was really good. The hubby created another magnificent meal that we are still eating from three days later. We keep talking about making a meal like this once a month because it is a great set of meals, and also awesome leftovers, just switch up what we eat.
I would like to maybe do a pot roast in January, I might give that a shot myself and make my hubby a thank-you meal. He deserves it.
Other than that I plan to look over my hobbies the next couple of weeks and maybe weed out things that don’t bring me happiness or contentment. I didn’t realize how much I did for other people, even for other people I don’t know. Not sure what I am changing up, but I will talk about it inanely here. After all, this isn’t some “insightful” set of writings, this is just my erratic mental meanderings as move through life.
Not sure where I was going when I started, but the ADHD gerbil has hit the ground running and here we are. Probably best to leave it at that. 🙂