Transitions and not a goodbye

I look back 10 years ago from now and I stunned by how much as changed (the photos are almost exactly 10 years apart to the week). However, changes are more than just what I look like and present.

Ten years ago I had just quit the first job I had worked longer than a year at the age of 41 (State Auditor’s Office). My spouse who was still my wife at the time was recovering from a devastating illness that almost killed him, and my parents were finally becoming sober (due to old age and infirmities, not really by choice).

Since then we have moved six times (to four different cities – Everett to Lynnwood, Lynnwood back to Everett, Everett to Renton, Renton to Renton, then Renton to Tacoma, and now Tacoma to Tacoma). My wife became my husband, both of my parents died, and in a last ditch effort to stop from committing suicide I transitioned to female (which was the key to saving my life). For the first time I steadily go to therapy to talk about a violent childhood filled with sexual, emotional and physical abuse by others, topped with an incredible amount of negligence. I have worked for six different governmental agencies, lost most of my family to drugs/narcissism. Finally we bought a house.

So now I am still married to the greatest person in the world, but our genders are flipped. Both my parents have passed away, we bought a house and have gone through a purge multiple times of our friends and family, while working at different jobs.

Transition, or in another word, change, is hard. Another thing that is weirdly hard in some ways, and super easy in others is letting go of things.

I started this incarnation of my blog when I started my transition from male to female and it has helped some. I think I would have helped more had I kept this blog as a current blog and not tried to bring back in all the old posts, because old posts bring baggage (unless I was going to do something new with them).

In the last four years of transition as a woman I have lived almost four years as a woman legally, socially and employment wise. My biggest transitional surgeries are over, all that I have left is electrolysis (the biggest, but we are way past the hump). Otherwise just normal plastic surgery any girl might want is my future goals that way.

With my transition medically being mostly over, I just have to adjust to the fact I am in my final stage of life as far as gender concerns. I do not pass fully of course, but I appear probably as feminine as I will get and now it is about just living as a woman, not about transitioning to a woman.

This made me think of the fact my posts were have been sporadic and it just doesn’t click, part of that of course is the ADHD, but the other part is I think a time for a change blog wise as well. That being said, I started a new blog called “Tales from the Little Blue House”, based on the idea that we just bought a little blue house and I thought it felt good as a title. Moving forward I will be posting there, but I invite all of you to come over there and be part of my life that way.

This isn’t goodbye, I won’t hide or try and forget anything written here or earlier, but I like the idea of a new start, in a new year, with a new body and a new house with my one thing from before I love more than anything, my husband (well and Tally, she is glaring at me right now, undoubtably knows I dissed her).

So come on over to talesfromthelittlebluehouse.com and say hi (or say hi on any of my social media).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.