UW Seattle and Spouse Nightmare

Update note: I refer to my wife, that is indeed the same person that is currently my husband. 

I have been having nightmares for the past 4 days in a row and even though they are different they feel like they are getting worse. Normally I would tell the wife unit but she has been freaked out by her parents and sister and I haven’t felt I had the right to burden her. So what am I going to do? Yes I am going to burden all of you by making you hear about my nightmare from last night.

First I should give you some background. I occasionally will have streaks of nightmares. I haven’t had a horrible streak of nightmares in a few years but when I was younger I would have long streaks of wake up screaming nightmares. Usually it starts as fall approaches and I just noticed its fall again. Hmm coincidence? I think not.

Some other background info, when I was young (in high school) I got picked on by the jocks. The funny thing is I used to be a football player for neighborhood leagues but I got tired of the competition so I gave it up and my family moved up to B’ham. So while I went to high school in B’ham I had long hair and ratty clothes.

For the first few days I got picked on mercilessly, I think this is because the jocks knew I had not made any friends yet so there was no “clique” that would protect me. I tolerated the picking on for a while but I felt more and more trapped and one morning in jock hall (I had to walk down jock hall to go to my Drama class) they started taunting me again. Honestly what happened next was kind of a blur but I found myself picking out the biggest football player and like a screaming banshee I grabbed him threw him against a locker, kneed him several times and began pounding his face screaming I was going to bury him and the rest of the football team in the back field.

Now most of you who know me in real life must realize at the time I was 6 inches shorter and about 100lbs lighter (about 5’10 150 lbs or so). When I recovered from my temporary freak out the jocks had moved about 10 feet away from me and the burly guy I was holding was crying. I released him and walked away.

The weird thing is the principle was not informed by the jocks and they gave me a wide birth for the rest of my high school experience (I even became friends with a couple of the cooler jocks). Although to this day people who taunt me just piss me off, probably a holdover from this time period. Well I think that is enough of a background of what I think is relevant issues (well there are others but I don’t want to go into them, they are too personal to wish to post). Well here it is, the dream that freaked me out.

The wife had super short hair again (for some reason that’s my favorite) and was wearing some of her clothes that enhance what she looks like (e.g. short and leathery). We were both going to UW in Seattle and it appeared that we were both in some sort of lecture hall with low lighting. I was listening to the professor when I looked over and this girl was glaring at me for some unknown reason. I became very uncomfortable when I noticed three different guys glaring at me. They all had the “I am a jock but trying to look alternative” appearance and they began throwing shit at me and threatening me, this of course reminded me of high school and I felt a freak out coming.

Eventually the class ended with me having a small frenzy, I grabbed one of their desks flipped it over and explained in a very low voice to his ear that I would kill him if he didn’t leave me and mine alone. Well the three of them (with the girl) left the room and I had this feeling the shit was going to hit the fan so I caught up to my spouse outside the room. I found that she was talking and laughing with those three boys and yes I admit I am a jealous person but I didn’t feel it was my right to stop her from talking to people. They wrote their phone numbers on her arm and left.

I had this feeling I was going to have to fight all three of them at a time, I wasn’t scared of fighting them but I was worried about going to jail for giving the three of them a beat down. I got an extendable nightstick and hung it off my belt (you never know when they might jump you). Then spousal unit and I went outside and found ourselves in downtown Seattle. We wondered up a small street and sitting on a ledge by the street we saw our friend Kailey.

We sat down and talked, and the spouse told me she forgot something and she would be right back. Well I sat with Kailey talking and horsing around when after awhile I noticed she had not come back and I was becoming increasingly worried that something might have happened to her. Eventually I told Kailey I would be back later, got up and headed back into the school. Weirdly enough I found both my brother and my mother in the school but both claimed to not have seen her (and even in my dream state I thought it was weird to see both of them there).

I wandered through school until I noticed a line of boys at a doorway. Someone was taking money from them. There was the biggest pit in my stomach as I noticed that the guy taking money was the redhead of the three guys I got into the yelling match with. Part of me did not want to know and walk away. I knew what was going on, I could feel it in my gut. I whipped out my nightstick and hit the first jock so hard I heard a soft cracking sound and he dropped like a stone. I stepped in and saw the other two giggling and going over a pile of money. To my left I saw movement on a table (all I could make out where handcuffs and writhing on the table) and for some reason in my dream I knew what was happening but I couldn’t force my dream self to look.

I stepped forward and in a short time I dropped the other two jocks pretty quickly, the sounds of it reminded me of when I was 16 and did drop a jock with a baseball bat after he hit me with it first. I turned around and for a brief second I saw the spousal unit and this boy silhouetted, she was staring at me and I woke up (my gut felt on fire, I think my ulcers might be coming back) and the reason I woke up is because she was angry at me and I was unable to determine whether it was because I interrupted her and something she wanted to do or because I was late in rescuing her.

This dream freaked me out this morning so badly I had to get up and puke in our main bathroom. I realize by reading this, someone who was not me may not understand why its so horrific and it freaked me out so bad but I felt I needed to write it down and tell others and maybe I can prevent my dreams continuing on a downward spiral.

First Dying Light Playtest

Gallery: Dying Light Playtest
Date: August 4, 2002
Location: Cornwall Park, Bellingham WA

Me pre-transition.

Well our first day of play-testing helped. Oh my god it rocked. The system is excellent giving everyone their own special abilities and combat is even more exciting then Legacies ever was. The biggest advantage is that combat is quick. In Legacies a group combat that we had during play-tested would have lasted 10-15 minutes. During play-test true combat was over in less than 5. The funny thing was combat was still very equivalent to any of the awesome battles we have in Legacies.

Honestly ever since we gave up Legacies I have noticed a large percentage of the people who proclaimed to be our friend and like what we did with Legacies are now spouting shit out of their asses. Its really frustrating to hear things concerning “the previous owners who screwed up the game” did they even understand that Legacies was over when we picked it up.

Hubby, pre-transition

MH (name removed to protect the dumb) and crew had decided it was over, me and hubby at great personal expense (about $8000 and a bankruptcy) and got it going again. Of course we saw the “good old boys network” as wrong and we took the “privileges” away that certain people like Microsoft Douche, Mt. Baker High asshole and others. We made them play the same rules as everyone else and like little babies they quit and didn’t come back. We spent a lot of time on Legacies and all we got was shit back.

I gotta feel sorry for Pinky (called that because he is a large man who is partnered with a very small man who makes plans and I have named “The Brain) because I am hearing things already about how “fucked up the new owners are” and I know that Pinky is a great guy and doesn’t deserve that kind of shit.

After Legacies I was very much of the opinion that Larping sucked ass and I never wanted to see Larpers again. Now I realize that not everyone falls under this category but its easy to stereotype. However hubby really wanted to try Dying Light so I sat down and came up with the thought process behind the uniclass system, handed hubby the notes (which were written on Shari’s napkins) and she created it into a clear and concise set of rules. Then with much input and advice from Dunk we got the rules finalized. Then hubby did a huge ton of work on the histories, meanwhile I have created the website, and the monster manual (plus the entire setup for a new logistics, not at all like the old model at Legacies). But to be honest I have always felt a doubt about Dying Light. Well today that Doubt was almost completely erased. We had 11 playtesters and we went out to the park with full costumes (people thought we were strange).

The day was great, we found the system to be extremely streamlined and the combat and system incredibly simple. After all this I am excited about the next playtest (which is probably going to be August 25th). So this means I think we have an awesome Larp and I think it will be fun. I really hope Sandman and Meta Diva can make it some day (if not to a playtest then to the actual event) its awesome and I would love to share it with some of my friends.

Well I will stop now, this has become a novel length post, I will probably post tommorrow. I will however leave you with the gallery below from our first play-test.

Unsettling Dreams

Well, I woke up this morning, my back hurts almost as bad as the first day, wonder whats up with it. That however is probably because of the dreams I had all night. I should have gotten up when I had them and wrote them down but I tried to go back to sleep and because of that I was unable to remember it all now (lol I have a short memory span anyways and trying to sleep makes it that much shorter).

It was weird, I dreamt about my grandmother and grandfather on my dad’s side. When I was growing up I was pretty close to both of them, they usually lived in same apartment complex as my parents (and in the last complex they lived next door). They used to spoil me rotten and unfortunately they didn’t treat my brother and sister the same. They would buy me all kinds of candy, pop, toys and I would stay at their house a lot. I remember sitting on their couch and watching John Wayne movies (what I didn’t find out til I was older was that because I was such a hyper active kid they would then turn around and feed me valium in the food to calm me down, boy was my dad pissed about that).

Its weird though, my grandmother died in 1983, when I was only 12. I remember when I heard she died, I was watching Jaws on TV. She had gone to the hospital many times so as a child I thought that was normal. I remember my dad coming over (I was at her and grandpa’s apt) and he told me, even to this day sometimes its hard for me to watch Jaws, lol bet that sounds weird, but I guess its those kind of memory cues that stick with you from being a kid.

After that I guess I was in partial denial, I feel bad because I treated my grandpa badly and was a total brat. eventually he came to live with us and for some reason I just avoided him (I found out later my dad absolutely hates him, he isn’t my dad’s real dad, rather he was a step dad and there were some abuse issues, but grandpa always bought me what I wanted and did whatever I asked him to). Finally my grandfather got moved to a nursing home here in Bellingham when we moved up. It was sad, he called me one day and asked if I would come over, I said sure but being 15 I was easily distracted and forgot to go. He died that night.

Its weird, to this day I feel very guilty about that, that has always bothered me that I never got to say goodbye and yet I had the chance to do it. Thinking back in hindsight I realize now I was scared of the nursing home and of seeing him in it but I still don’t think thats an excuse. ahh the wonders of Catholic guilt. Its amazing I haven’t been a practicing catholic for years and yet I still feel that guilt, ok thats a different rant I think.

Back to the dream. I dreamt I was in their old apartment and both of them were alive, but it was like being in a movie, I could see them, feel them but I couldn’t hear them. I could hear everything else, the tv, outside the birds but they would open their mouths and no sound would come out. This really bothered me for some reason and I woke up. As I laid in bed I realized something that bothers me even now. I can’t remember what their voices sounded like. It probably sounds weird and wussy but that really bothers me, I don’t want to forget them but I was pretty young when my grandmother died, and I didn’t see my grandfather much after her death, and when I did I treated him badly. I don’t want to forget their voices. Sometimes its hard to remember what my grandmother looked like but if I think about it I remember. I guess I will stop now, I am bothered enough by this I don’t think I can write about it anymore.

Well I am off for my Visual Basic midterm, cya all later.

Tuesday

Well here I am again, yesterday was so damn hot I couldn’t even do a posting. I basically went to class, studied, came home and played a little CS, a little Madden and studied a bit. I have a midterm today in 4 hours in my Roman Lit. class. I am pretty anxious by it and I should at this exact moment be studying but I can’t seem to do it. I will probably post this and then watch a buffy rerun on tv (its an episode for a season me and goat don’t own) and then at 9 I will start studying (that will give me 2 hours before test).

I don’t feel sore at all after sparring Sunday except for my ankle, lol guess maybe I shouldn’t spar on a fractured ankle but if thats all that aches I am surprised. I am pretty happy I get to quit the job at Papa Murphy’s. Don’t get me wrong I like the District Manager alot, Mike is a great guy but the actual store manager Troy is an absolute moron and can’t even call me by my real name, he keeps calling me Laughy and all it was doing was pissing me off.

On a good note I am awfully excited about Dying Light. We made up practice characters and I think the system will work well. The other thing that is great is the fact that a starting character is not useless nor does a person ever get so high a level that they plateau on ever gaining skills. I think we are all pretty excited.

I am also feeling much better about running games. Normally for my group I am the GM/DM but last year or so its been hard for me to run things. This happens sometimes, I know its not that I don’t want to, its just usually stress in the rest of my life that prevents me from doing things like that. I am pretty psyched about D&D, although I think I am going to lay down the law about arguing with the GM. I am tired of the arguing and if people can’t hack my decisions they need to find another GM.

Also we are starting to play Heavy Gear, we are starting with just the table top miniature game to make sure we like it but if that works out I will be starting a Sunday game (D&D is currently our Saturday game). I feel bad, I normally run solo games for Jello but last few months have not been good for my stress. I freak out about money. However I am feeling much better, now I just hope that I can get into the groove of his current character so I can start playing it, the only problem when I get to stressed to play is if its too long a time I sometimes lose the ability to keep that campaign going and need him to start something new.

Ahh stress, money is my number one thing I stress about. Legacies really crushed all our reserves, made us declare bankruptcy and pretty much caused my life a tremendous amount of stress. I think the most upsetting thing about it is the shit people said behind our back. I especially think its funny that all the people that were incredibly nice to us as owners and always talked to us have pretty much never contacted us since we gave it up. Max I want to thank you for attempting to warn me and Jello of that, we figured you were exaggerating, surely people would not be so two faced because of a game. You warned us and you were right. Oh well I think we are going to adopt the Acts of Gord (at http://www.actsofgord.com) type of management for Dying Light. I think the funny thing is the shit people still say behind our back. But we decided this time around to take a different perspective, Gord definately has the right idea.

Well I should stop bitching and move on, I am really glad that some of the legacies people did stay in contact and I like them, the ones that are two faced can kiss my ass and are not important to me anyways.

On a good note our MU Clan server was full most of yesterday, we have been working on getting it filled and it now is starting to. WOOOT. Well its getting close to time for breakfast and then studying. I might post when I get home tonight. Cya all.