Dream: Whatcha talking about Willis?

I woke up this morning with a weird dream. I dreamt I was a cast member of the 70’s show. I dreamt we did our last show together, everyone was crying and sad to move on. After much talking with Hyde and Ashton Kutcher we decided we wouldn’t lose contact.

Then all of a sudden Gary Coleman popped in and said hi.

I think that last part was I found out yesterday was Conrad Bain’s 81st birthday (Different Strokes Dad).

I also found out if I go to bed at 10pm I wake up at 430 am. I need to go to bed later, my normal sleep is 6 hours and when I go to bed with the wife. I end up awake at earliest time of the day.

I also found we may not have aikido today (this isn’t my fault this time). I think there is a conspiracy, yes I do.

A Bizarre Dream

I woke up this morning at 330am from a dream; I figured I would spout it out here:

I was living in a small community. I know we had radio and politics, and I believe even TV but for all intents and purposes it appeared that the community lived in very poor conditions (something out of the old west, slate board houses with gaps, no insulation, etc). It was a small community of several families.

It started out with the children playing in the woods, the children acted like all other children. Running around in the woods, yelling, screaming, and wrestling when one of the kids found something. Several adults went to investigate and there was some sort of commotion. One of the children acted strangely and seemed to have strength above and beyond what a normal human had (I am sure this is influenced by my watching Smallville last night). The community freaked out and most families locked themselves in their own houses for the night.

The next morning our community awoke to the sounds of screaming. I ran to investigate and found a family butchered inside their house. It was a gruesome and horrible scene and this made the community freak out and hide, each family by themselves in their house. The murder was horrible enough that no one (not even me) believed a normal person could have done this. I tried to talk the town into finding the person but everyone was too scared. After talking to many people (and there was a lot more detail but I didn’t bother to get up till an hour after waking up so details were lost) it seemed I was the only person willing to go look for the person responsible.

The fortunate thing is most of the town (including me) had a very good idea who did it. A crazy man that lived deeper in the woods then anyone else. I found a sturdy chunk of branch that would work well as a club in case I needed it and I went out searching for this man. After several hours of talking to families scattered in the woods I came across the man, unfortunately everyone else in the community was too chicken.

He was standing in a shallow part of the river (actually this looked very similar to the “Gorge” in Whatcom Falls Park, not exactly but close enough I am sure that’s where I got the image from). I approached the man and he ran. I knew it was him so I gave chase, he jumped down into this pit in the river (the river kind of emptied into something underground), and I half followed him when I realized he was probably trying to get behind me. So I turned around and waited.

Sure enough a few minutes later the man appeared out of the water behind me (evidently there was some sort of underwater passage). I laid into him with the branch and I believe I was winning, but I awoke with a start when I realized he was wearing the skin of small children. I guess that was too much and I woke up.

The funny thing is that even though in the dream it felt like a real world experience, everyone acted like most people acted when I was at Legacies. Now looking at it, it had the same feel of cowardice from the people and the inability for most people to get balls and stand up to something.

Yet I realized something even more profound, people act like that in real life. I see it all the time, 99% of the people do not stand up and fight for what they believe in, and they just skulk in their little houses and bitch. In the past I have been in weird circumstances and even though I may have endangered myself I couldn’t understand why others would just sit back.

Is the world really filled with that many pansies and cowards?

Bad Dream and a little stress

Well I woke up this morning to a not so good dream. 

I was driving down Meridian; out by WalMart when over one of the little rises in the road I noticed that there was a huge lineup of cars. The unfortunate fact was the speed limit right there just past WalMart is 50mph. So needless to say I careened into the back of a car. The person following behind me then smashed into me and then I woke up when the vehicle behind him (a semi-truck loaded down with one of those giant Milk Containers that drive up to Lynden on that road) smashed through the car behind me and into me.

I woke up, heart beating fast when I realized for some weird reason that my little brother’s girlfriend was almost young enough to be my daughter (15 years younger then me). That then weirded me out.

I am now up, with Orph sitting beside me on the computer desk. I now need to start commenting out my ADA program (I forgot to do that yesterday). Then we got to go to Calculus and then tonight I go to Aikido. I am just worried that I don’t have time for Aikido.

Yesterday I went by the Student Office and they arranged to do a “Credit” check, which means it will tell me exactly what classes I am missing from my GURs that I need to graduate. I then went to Financial Aid to find out what I need to do when I exceed my credits. The lady was nice, and she did give me a rundown of the procedure. However I don’t think she is good at math.

She told me that once you reach 225 credits is when they cut you off of Financial Aid. I am at 140 credits and she believes that by Summer 2004 I will have reached 225 credits. Well Summer of 2004 is only two quarters away, even if I got 15 credits spring and summer that’s only 30 total (raising me to 185 credits, counting this quarter as well). That’s still 40 credits short. I think she meant summer of 2005, which means I got 4 more quarters without having to freak out. Problem is I have almost double that before I am done. I am finally done with the majority of my GUR’s (hence why I am getting a Credit check/evaluation). That means I am down to the meat and bones of 96 credits worth of CS/Math/Science and a few extra science that they slap in there.

Damn I hate W.C.C. (the community college I went to) they had me on their “fast-track” program which in the end wasn’t worth that much and I lost almost 43 credits worth of classes, actually lost is a misnomer, they count them towards my financial aid, but only count them as electives.

I still got so far left to go; I keep thinking there has to be a better way to do this. But I figure worst case scenario if they do cut my financial aid I will just go to work, and go to school 6 credits a quarter (I can usually swing $600 a quarter if I am working, that’s only $200 a month).

Well the cat is getting into something; I will be posting a little bit later.

Dream: Working at Bob Rude’s Auto Shop

Ok, I had this strange dream this morning.

It started with me working at Bob Rude’s auto shop. We were inside the shop busily working with a bladed machine thats used to grind things. Well of course one of the monkeys in the shop was screwing around and shattered the blade that flew all over the room, cut me up pretty badly and this one other guy as well.

We were rushed to the hospital and were released later that night. I walked down the alley that runs beside Bob’s shop (but in the dream it was different, his place was on a hill). I look down the alley and infront of the shop I see this girl laying on a tree stump, she has a cup laying on her chest and she is only wearing a bra and panties. I notice the girl is looking further down the alley talking to someone, she has blond hair, she has tattoos around her upper arms and a slaneesh symbol on her left thigh. I stop and duck around the corner to listen.

The girl then gets up (I still haven’t seen her face) and she goes inside the shop with this guy. I follow her into the shop and see that she is not visible, except on the couch is a huge blanket pulled over two people giggling and I see a tuft of blonde hair and hear a little bit of moaning.

Problem being I was going out with that girl and she was someone I loved. 

I always hate the stabbed in the back, cant breathe feeling.

Then in real life…
I then woke up (it was 330am and drifted in and out of sleep for an hour before getting up), Meanwhile a certain blonde haired girl got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I always do love that Slaneesh tattoo on her left thigh.

Funny thing is, I know she loves me and wouldn’t cheat on me, and if for some reason an “accident” happened it definitely wouldn’t be any of the monkeys at Bob Rude’s shop (probably wouldn’t even be a boy).

*note from 9/2018, that girl is my current husband, yes same person and same tattoo, just different outer body.

Last Dream of the Year

I woke up a few minutes ago from a bad dream. This was a more conventional bad dream then my usual anxiety dreams I have had the past few weeks. It wasn’t a fear of aging, death, religious crises, etc. It just seemed to be the beginning of a normal “horror movie” type bad dream.

It started with me and Wifey entering a contest to stay over the weekend at a haunted house. The wierd part is that the location was at a local Old Bon Marche building downtown. The inside of the Bon Marche had evidently fell into disuse, but whoever was running this contest was repairing parts of it on the inside (it was a lot of repair platforms, etc). The weird part is in the middle of the old bon marche building it opened up into an outdoor university campus (very similar to western with the red brick, however much much older and close together). The people running the contest got very weird, they said we would be locked in for 48 hours, and that one of the two weekend nights we could not go to bed or sleep. At no point could we use any electronics, nor could we use any of the lighting or heating (we would have to burn wood or something like that).

It was weird, the entire place felt wrong. Something in me knew this was an extremely bad idea (I kept feeling like “something” – not someone- was watching). A few minutes before preparation was over I turned and told that this was a bad idea. She told me to be quiet and shew as going to do it anyways (for some reason when she said it, it reminded me of the story wrote entitled “Paul’s Story”).

At this moment some asshole came over and insulted my wife, it was a bad enough insult I persued him half a block down (there were literally dozens of people packed around waiting for the “weekend contest” to begin, the contest said if we survived a weekend here, we would win something, sorta like a radio contest that sometimes happens). As I  persued him it seemed to me we were walking down the road that runs next to Western (High Street, just as it reaches the gates to Western itself). I turned and looked back at the crowd in front of the Bon Marche Building and turned back to the guy that insulted me. The guy was no longer a guy, now he/she was a tall red head that as I walked up to was hit by a small foreign car, she fell over and her neck was at a bad angle when she hit the sidewalk (she was in the street when she got hit). Now the whole time I had a bad feeling this wasn’t a “normal” incident happening to begin with. I turned back, yelled that she got hit by a car and ran over to see if she was ok.

No one moved, no one seemed to care and I realized that somehow the “Haunted College/Bon Marche” had set up this person to die, I knew that a weekend of terror and blasphemy awaited in the Bon Marche and I tried to convince to not go, she still insisted.

I then woke up to having my hand (in real life) wrapped up in a bunch of powercords that lay next to my side of the bed (our bed is only 4-5 inches off the ground at most). woke up, told me to go to bed, but I got up because I have to be up at 6am anyways.

Wierdly enough, I was happier to have a normal “bad dream” then one of the horrible anxiety dreams I had for weeks.

Christmas 2003

First off, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Merry Solistice to everyone.

Yesterday went well, saw my parents and both siblings and my niece Cass and nephew Josh. Got home and played some E&B and roleplayed some. I woke up this morning choking though. Sometimes I will wake up choking and unable to breathe.

We have always wondered if I sleep apnea plus something is going on with the valve on my stomach and sometimes I get reflux. The worst times (like this morning) are when I get reflux and it spills over into my breathing. But I woke up choking, waking up poor Wifey (which I am sure didnt please her) The choking went away and as I laid down I get a sudden anxiety attack like I was having earlier this month. I got up, showered and now its gone, but now my shoulder is cramped.

lol Merry Christmas it is I guess 🙂

Today’s  plan is to watch court shows, watch some movies and be stranded because there is no buses.

When I was talking to my parents they may move out of county, this means I do need to fix my car or get a new one if they do it. Even though it makes me nervous they might move out of range for me (in case there is an emergency) I think in the end it might be better for them to get away from stresses of other people (most especially my sister). It would give them a chance to relax and be self sufficent. LOL I wonder if this is how parents feel about children.

Well my shoulder/back aches enough I am going to go lay down on the couch, talk soon…

Oh, and did I say Merry Xmas/Hannukah/Solstice to all of you?

Dream Again

Ok, I had this dream last night, I am having a hard time remembering exactly but here is the basics.

For some reason, I was hired, along with Sean’s dad to go to Libya to work on the construction of a building (specifically the very top ornamental design). Now Libya was not like Libya of now, rather it was an awful lot like Saudi Arabia :). Me and Jan went over there with our whole families, plus there were other families from other countries helping out.

While we were over there, we had animals that would talk to us and explain things (it was more in depth, but as I sit here the exactness is slipping away). The German family had a toddler that I hung out with a lot (reminded me of a blonde hair, blue eyed version of my nephew Noah). Eventually I asked why are we over there and thats when Jan explained that we were each getting 100,000 dollars to help with the ornament (I think Jan was the overall designer, and I was more like an apprentice).

Eventually a animal was given to me that tried to eat everyone else but me, (it was pretty damn cool animal). At the time we couldn’t identify exactly what the animal is, but awake I recognize it as the same coloring, size and shape as my parent’s black guinea pig.

Now as I sit here, its slowly fading away, the only other thing I remember is hating walking along the scaffolding on top this huge building.

Crisis of Faith?

Well I finally fell asleep about 3am. I really think my worries about my parents growing old and what is going to happen is most likely still some stress from school, bad diet (not that I am on a diet, bad food habits), caffiene withdrawal and not enough vitamins.

Please forgive the following ranting, I have just woke up and am still bleary eyed so I am not sure how much sense this will make when I wake up, but it makes sense now.

I also think I am having a small crises of faith. I get worried when I am stressed on what will happen to my wife, parents, siblings and friends after they die. Weirdly enough I don’t feel as concerned about myself, except that I have selfish feelings, I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to have to miss them. I don’t want to lose my wife forever after this is over. I am not talking about a heaven/hell thing, I just mean part of me thinks its unfair I only get a certain time with her, my parents and my friends.

I realize that sounds funny as hell, and normally I dont even worry or think about it, but this quarter for some reason its been bothering me. I guess this has plagued man all of eternity, the foreknowledge of dying. I guess I am partially worried my wife is right and this is the end of things, although honestly I guess if its over after this I wont notice too much :).

I am  partially worried the Christians or other monotheistic religions are right and there is a judgmental being that will separate family/friends/loved ones because they wont kneel to him/her/it in supplication and obey rules instead of judging on who is truly a good soul.

Ok, here is my rant about Christianity/Catholicism/Monotheism of any type. Having been raised Catholic (with bouts as buddhist for 5 years, and other Christian churches for a few sessions each). I originally believed in God, Jesus, the devil all of that. As I grew older I realized the hypocrisy that all churches have.

I have yet to see a church that doesn’t “make money” off of people. Don’t get me wrong, I believe they need to be able to make enough to keep going, but I have never seen a poor preacher who has a congregation, not ever. All I hear from ALL monotheistic religions is that if you don’t “believe” in a single way of doing things, if you wont kneel and be subservient and go to church then your going to hell. I would think that a divine being of goodness would base thier whole judgement on a person’s goodness (which I believe is how you treat others). My believing that most Christians/other Monotheistic followers are hypocrites is the fact they preach goodness, but tell my wife she is going to hell because she is not Christian.

Its funny because they do good things in order to get into heaven, the wife does good things because she likes people (ignore her rumblings, she has an incredibly generous heart when people are in need). But according to these people they will go to heaven because they are being good (purely for the reason of going to heaven, seems kinda selfish if thats the only reason they are good) and she goes down because she doesn’t follow thier religion.

Now I have been happily surprised by some “individual” followers of Monotheism, some of them have shown me generousity above and beyond and I dont believe they do it for an end, but they are good people. What frustrates me is the dogma of these churches, not the individuals in the churches (ok, some individuals frustrate me even more).

I realized my ranting is going off on a tangent so I will try and pull it back. I am worried that either
A). There is nothing after this, but I guess thats moot once I die, I wont notice and it will just be over, or
B). There is a jealous god/goddess/thing that because my family tends to be less then religious will split us up so we never see each other again.

I think what bothers me the most is I want to believe in something, I want to believe there is a a good place everyone goes to, there is actually very few people in history that I think deserves a hell, how can someone be judged if they do something horrible for only one lifetime, what if thier circumstances of when/where/how they were born dictate they have to behave in a bad manner, hell why could a divine being of good judge someone who has mental illness and does horrible things because of it, that they deserve eternal torment. It doesn’t seem fair.

Actually that last part is probably the crux of my problem with most religions. How is it fair to judge anyone as “beyond redemption” because either they dont believe in a church (but are good people) or because they are born into unfair circumstances that they do bad things. How can eternal damnation be that easy to give? Hell honestly I would think its unfair for even someone like Hitler to go to eternal hell. Yes he caused suffering but he obviously was suffering from mental illness/syphillis/etc. 

Now there is a way around this, some eastern religions is that maybe we are judged on more then one life, I could understand if someone was an evil bastard for more then one life, maybe the soul is corrupt and deserves to go to hell. But I believe that would be a fairer way to judge the mettle of someone. The eastern religions believe we redo this life until we get it right. 

Actually in the end thats what I hope this is about, we come back and keep doing the “living” thing til we get it right and then we can move on. This quarter I have been having problems with my personal beliefs, not that I dont believe them anymore, just fears instilled in me by Christianity and the guilt have made me second guess myself.

My whole belief (is usually at least) that we have all been here before (we dont repeat the same life, yes I do believe in “past lives” and no I wasn’t an Egyptian Pharoah, I dont think at least). I believe the same “souls” meet each other and thats why certain people even upon meeting them for the first time I believe I have known them for a long time.

I am positive my wife and I have been together before (more then once at that). I believe my friends and family have been together in different variations before and actually I do sometimes have dreams of past places/times and I sometimes wonder if thats a memory or maybe its a “cellular” memory from an ancestor. I do believe some form of “reincarnation” exists.

That was one of the hard things to try and accept as a Catholic, that we only get one life, one chance to do it right, it always seemed to me unfair that eternity is based on a single set of years ranging from 1 to 80. Even 80 years seems like such a small time to lay eternal damnation on someone for actions. 

Actually I guess in the end I am agnostic, I do believe there is something good (no matter how hard I try to think nothing is there), I do believe there is something bad there, whether thats an outer being of evil, or the flaws in us individually I am not sure of. I am trying to restore my belief that there is something after this life, I realize that this sounds weird, but I hope all things have an afterlife (including animals/pets, I sit here staring at my humongous cat above my monitor and I think it would be a shame if this was it for the little guy).

I think thats where the chink in my “crisis of faith” its not that I don’t believe there is something good, I just am scared that the Christians/Monotheistic people are right and it is a judgemental being, or that the atheists are right and thats it, its over (but I don’t think the atheists are right about there not being a divine being/or beings, I don’t think the Romans/Celts/Greeks/Japanese/Just about every other non-monotheistic culture are necessarily wrong). I could accept a pantheistic view, especially after my classes with Rabbi Oblath.

My belief in the churches of monotheism were shaken when I took a class with a rabbi that explained how the old testament was written and how current modern day peoples mis-interpret what is going on (Hebrew religious texts are very exact in what the meanings are, he was explaining). I figure since “his” religion and people wrote the old testament they would have a clearer understanding of things then the churches that took it over. There are so many examples that I will rant with at a latter time (Adam had multiple wives, god in the garden speaking with other beings of equal level, etc). But all of those require a lot of ranting each so no space here.

I guess in the end, I just am worried that the conservative religious people are right, but then again if they are right the being that demands worship and obediance isn’t truly good and they are being fooled. IF that was the case (and I hope its not) then maybe it is better to Reign in Hell then serve in heaven.

Ok, that was a really long winded rant, I think it helped me to write it out, I feel less worried about things now. Even though I feel my rant isn’t done, I need to stop, it was a long time in writing and in the end its just better if I get some breakfast and get ready for going down to my parents house.

Dream III

Ok, I am tired of the whole waiting for my grades. I had another nightmare, though as I sit here awake at 530am now its not so bad.

I dreamt I was in a car (driving it) and on a freeway. I was with several faceless people (not actually faceless, I just never saw who they were). I noticed up ahead everything crawled to a stop due to a semi that jackknifed across two of the three lanes of traffic. There was a free third lane that occasionally people in my lane would use to get around it.

Well as I sat there I noticed the front of my vehicle was equipped with the cop crash plates in the front, you know the big spring like things that are in front of cop cars so they can ram into you (I want to call it a ram  plate, but thats Car Wars thought pattern). Well I then looked up when I noticed in front of me (there was nothing in front of me the moment before) a cop car with a fat ass old cop in the front seat.

Now I was inching along at less then 1 mile an hour, it was that inching that happens when people are supposed to stop but get impatient. At this point I realize something strange, the cop car is facing me, not the back end, but the front end, hence why I could see the old fat cop so well. Then the bumper of my car barely touches his car (so softly in fact I could have probably touched a toddler with the front end of my car and not even moved the toddler). However I see that as I touch his car, his car bounces back as if hit at 50 miles an hour (no damage to the car, it just shoots straight back) and it rolls into the other lane. I think to myself, holy shit I just ran into a cop car.

As I calm myself down, I look up and for some reason another semi is traveling in the opposite direction down that one clear lane on my side of the road, it nails the police car at about 100 miles an hour and the cop car gets pushed out of site behind me. This is where my freak out comes on. All I can think is I just killed a cop, so I pull around and go back to where the crash ended up.

When I get there, the cop car has ended up somehow in the back of the semi trailer. Cops are here now (dont know how it happened in like 2 seconds, but its a dream) and all of us where in the back of the truck. Wierdly enough the car is in pretty good shape, but the drivers seat and back seat behind the driver are gone as if he was hit so hard it blew the seat out of the car. We searched around the inside of the trailer, when the truck driver opens this trapdoor below near the car in the truck in order to see if the cop’s body is in the wheel assembly/axle.

Well, he isn’t there, then a thought dawns on me, the impact could have easily pushed the  seat into the trunk through the back seat, as we went to look to see if the cop’s body was I woke up not happy.

Now that I have had time to write it out, I feel much better and exhausted, I dont think I am going back to bed due to the fact that my aunt will be up in a few hours and I was going to get up in an hour any ways. 

Damn I hate worrying about school.

Another Dream

Yes, you have to endure another dream, I might eventually open a different account so people dont have to read them if they dont want.

I dreamt I had my parent’s fish tank (they had given me all the fish they have plus the 50 gallon tank, which btw they are trading me for, me and the wife have a old camcorder we don’t use). So here I had this huge tank. There were a lot more fish though, then what my parents have in real life (my parents currently have 3 huge goldfish (over a foot long each), a Picastumus and a catfish. It had these weird underwater tentacle things, sorta like sea anemones.

I added a small fish to the tank then all of a sudden these two fish/vegetation creatures went berserk and started killing the other fish in the tank (there were a lot of different little fish, with some of the types featured in Little Nemo, such as the types of fish Dorrie and the scarred fish). Realizing the fish were  being attacked I mentioned it to my dad (who just happened to be standing with me) and he just reached in, grabbed the first “vegetation creature” and tossed it out of the tank where it died quickly (that one kinda looked like it was a bramble bush).

He then reached in and grabbed the tentacled one (the bramble one was white, the tentacled one was purple, or at least what my color vision says is purple at least), as he grabbed it tried to grab him back with the tentacles. He threw it out of the tank, when it landed on the tiled floor (but it was in my old texas st. apt which is all carpet) it skittered and ran off (I think it eventually died in the other room). Just as I was waking up my father turned to me and said he didn’t know what kind of fish those were, they just “came with the tank”.

Wierd dream huh?

Other then that, today I have to study more calculus and go see my parents and then study more calculus then play in a CS match and then study even more calculus. Even with all this study, doesnt mean it will help me with Prof Naylor’s test.

thats it for the morning.