Breast Augmentation Consult

I have been at four consults with different surgeons trying to get a feeling for who I wanted to go with. Last night I saw Dr. Antonio Mangubat and I decided he is the guy. Funny enough, he is the guy who did the FTM top surgery for my husband back in 2016.

The surprise I have had overall is the wide variance between surgeons and how they handle things. They are all good surgeons, but I hesitated at each of the three previous surgeons because it just didn’t feel right for whatever the reason. Now however, I will be getting 800cc implants in April and I am excited. Another great part is the fact that my insurance is going to pay for it.

Wearing an 800cc sizer to see how my new breasts will sit.

I did want to talk about my consultations a little though. The four doctors all very qualified, but very different.

Dr. Javad Sajan – a great surgeon in Seattle did my original consult back in November of 2018. He is a very personable guy, but I wasn’t happy with what his before/after pictures are for trans ladies, and he seemed to want to go with a smaller size on me, which thinking about is probably what I was seeing in those trans ladies photos… implants that for me looked too small for their frames.

Also he was a little too much into self-promoting/instagram/etc. Made me uncomfortable. Also they didn’t like taking insurance (they refuse to contract with my insurance but agree to do it as out of network, meaning it can be turned down by my insurance if he tries and charge too high a price. This does not mean he is a bad surgeon, but that combined with a lot higher prices meant he wasn’t my number one pick (but still in the running until I sat with Dr. Mangubat)

This was from my testing at Dr. Sajan in November 2018, it isn’t bad, but the 800cc at Mangubat seems better feeling to me.

Dr. Ellie Zara Ley – a fantastic surgeon who did my FFS bone work, although the office interaction/after care could use a little touch up. The reason in the end I didn’t go with her was because first, it is in Scottsdale and I don’t really care to stay another two weeks in a hotel in Arizona if I don’t have to. The extra cost of the flight down, the hotel stay, food, etc makes this not my favorite.

On top of that she explained she would decide what looked right for my body frame once I was under and do it with an expander. She is a wonderfully artistic person, but I wasn’t to keen on waking up not knowing what to expect.

I wouldn’t ever change Dr. Ley having done my FFS although it hurt a lot (April 2019).

Dr. Christiane Ueno – a fantastic Kaiser surgeon. She actually walked me through all the questions I should ask, and she was very knowledgeable. The biggest reasons I didn’t go with her was the upper limit on size, she didn’t think she could go above 600cc (which was in the lower range of what I wanted) but especially her equipment only let her go through the bottom of the breast, not through the armpit. This means very visible scars, not the highest on my list, but she is still a great surgeon.

Dr. Antonio Mangubat – The surgeon I am going with and an overall great choice. First and foremost I was experienced with his office (only Dr. Ley scored for similar reasons) and I knew his office was responsive to concerns and were there 24/7 during recovery.

Also Dr. Mangubat is the one that liked the 800cc and explained how it would help camoflauge the center of my chest and give me a proportional shape. He didn’t have any prejudgments on what I was interested in. Also, his before/after photos blew everyone else’s out of the water, and when I look at my husband’s top surgery results I see that he is a good surgeon.

The hubby went through hell, but his results were really good (this is him post FTM top surgery)

Also it helps that he is the second closest surgeon to our home, meaning I will get the surgery done and come home to my apartment to heal. He also didn’t hesitate about FMLA paperwork or taking my insurance.

Dr. Mangubat’s office is going to contact our transgender case manager Raelean today and will arrange the insurance coverage. We talked about possible dates and when I asked about April they said that shouldn’t be a problem at all. This gives my hubby a chance to work a few audits, and me a chance to get ready physically and mentally. Also it is kind of funny that it will be approximately a year after my FFS that I get my breast augmentation (same month, one year later).

I am super excited about this!

Finishing Off 2019

This last month was supposed to be mostly vacation and medical appointments. With Christmas coming and this being the first Christmas where I am not so depressed that I was numb, I knew it might be a little rough emotionally.

It was a lot worse than expected. On Christmas Eve I got a call from my sibling. They had a broken leg, had decided to run off to Vegas to marry someone and within three days of being there it was broken off. I get a call saying they are stuck there with no money, no flight and no place to stay. They literally only went to Vegas wearing pajamas (although they did get some clothing when they got there).

I spent the next three days on the phone with them, other hotels and airlines trying to arrange a way for them back. To make it worse, the sibling wasn’t behaving very rationally and was having some issues of their own. They wouldn’t just take the next flight home and had to wait a day and a half (meaning I had to pay for an extra hotel night). They yelled at me (but stopped when I hung up and I think they knew I was going to leave them if they didn’t cut that shit out), and finally they got home.

They are doing better, which relaxes me. However, I haven’t slept more than 4 hours a night until last night since this whole event. It has set off my own mental health issues, but fortunately my hubby and my therapist have been really good (more about my therapy in the future).

The end result is a lot of extra money on a credit card, mental health flare and a continual worry that my sibling is going to hurt themselves as they are currently homeless back in Bellingham. It wracks me with guilt because I can’t afford any more money, and they have been nice about it not asking, but I still end up feeling like a failure.

None of this even counts the emotional grief I am not able to process because of this for the death of my parents and my missing them.

That is ok, this is a new year, new outlook and a new girl who is establishing boundaries. So don’t pity me too much, I will be fine. I just needed to write down a very abbreviated version here.

Electrolysis Trip #2 – Day 2 and 3

Another late post, but life is going at a million miles an hour. Then again Day 2 and 3 were remarkably quiet.

The biggest thing of course was a combined 10 hours of electrolysis I got. I sat as two wonderful people worked on my face at the same time for five hours. They got a large chunk of my face done. This included all around my mouth, almost to my chin and all the way up the left side of my face. Even now, two weeks later, I have a lot of smooth skin, especially above the lips (the important spot).

I had planned on going out later that night, but you can see from the pictures that I was feeling rough, I definitely wasn’t feeling feminine and we hid out for the entire day eating grocery store food and door dash Mexican food. It wasn’t a bad night.

The next day was a little better. I woke up feeling ugly duckling, but decided fuck it and I would dress up anyways. I got some looks from the locals, but no one had the cajones to say anything so we remained where we were, ate La Quinta breakfast and then turned in our room key (btw the Tempe LQ SUCKS, it was dirty, loud and at no time did we feel safe).

We then went and saw Charlie’s Angels. I enjoyed the movie thoroughly, albeit I admit it wasn’t “good cinema”. After that we went to Del Agave in Scottsdale and had a wonderful meal. The server/bartender Daniel was a great guy, I felt safe (probably the safest place I had felt in Arizona) and told us what to order that was the best, and he was right (and it wasn’t the most expensive dish).

 

Hubby was happy for real food

We had an encounter after the meal though, walking to our car a guy was walking his two kids. He spotted us and loudly proclaimed the following:

Dad: So kids, who are we voting for in 2020?
Kids: Donald Trump!!!

Yep, the asshole said it as an intimidation factor because he saw I was transgender. I thought momentarily about going over there and handling it verbally, but he had kids and I was feeling fairly vulnerable after the electrolysis, but I decided not to. I thought the hubby was going to kill him though, that is why I love the man.

I was surprised when we boarded the plane that a very conservative lady (with a church group) told her husband to let “her” through so “she” can get her stuff and she smiled at me. I cannot even explain how nice it was to have someone validate me, especially someone who looked fairly conservative, after the Trump asshole. It put me in a better mood.

We then got back to the airport, waiting around for a few hours and flew home. I always forget how much I miss it here until I land in the Pacific Northwest

Electrolysis Trip #2 – Day 1

This post is a little late, but last weekend we went down to Phoenix for 10 hours of electrolysis. The overall judgment is that it is always worth it, but it was really rough. I will break this up so you don’t get a wall of text, so lets cover the first night, Friday November 15, 2019.

The first thing that happened the week before was growing out my facial hair. I haven’t done it since August and it really set my dysphoria off. It was enough that I don’t think I could do it just for 90 minutes of electrolysis, the 10 hours is something I would go through this for though. I just can’t do short visits because I would have to keep my beard long indefinitely, and I can’t do this week after week.

2 days before electrolysis

The morning of the trip was awesome and stressful at the same time. I fell asleep around 10pm and was promptly awake by 1am, but I didn’t feel too tired because I knew we had to be up at 3:30 anyways, so I stayed up and played some video games (Judgment) and headed out very early when my hubby woke up.

Hubby is not happy.

 

Arrival at SEA-TAC with Pre-Check was worth the money for five years of coverage. We got through the system in a record time, and I didn’t even get wanded by the guard, although my bag got “randomly selected”… so no wand for me, but the poor bag wasn’t so Lucky.

Waiting at the airport was a little stressful though. It was the first time I had to grow a beard in three months and I just wanted to hide. Eventually I had to visit the boys bathroom for the first time in 7 months since I was way too masculine looking for the women’s without risking assholes, so the hubby and I both went in to the boys bathroom together, where I took a picture of how I looked.

I didn’t get looked at much, which was great with me, but surprisingly the boys bathroom was a lot more alien to me then I remembered. Not sure what the difference was, except it was quiet even though there were several guys in there. I never imagined missing warm bathrooms with voices. Weird isn’t it.

We arrived in Phoenix with little problems, although the steward was nice and gave me a hard time for “being in a band”. However when we talked (he was obviously flaming) and I told him I am trans, I showed him before and after  and he was floored (as was the other steward). He had a lot of questions, he thought it was funny a lot of people ask him about transgender people, and he would always explain “How the fuck do I know?”

We then landed in Phoenix, dirty, browns and browns, it is not something I would like to live at for the beauty of the landscape. We sat in first class as this other man in first class started taking everyone’s pillows and blankets and stuffing them inside his suitcase… WTF… We then got ourselves a fancy rental car… even had its own AC/heater temperature for each side…

We then checked in to a different then normal La Quinta… and that was its own brand of hell, but at least on Friday night it just seemed a little bit dirty and worn down. From there we got sandwiches at AZ Sandwich CO and hid out all night waiting for my 8am appointment. We watched videos, trying to use Hulu to stream, but that was limited results. Eventually we logged into Youtube and watched videos until we both passed out for our first day.

2 encounters in one day – Main Street Gas and Grocery

It turns out that my day didn’t end with my Safeway Encounter, but rather was a long continuation as I stopped at People’s Park to eat a yogurt and then went to the Main Street Gas and Grocery to get some lotto tickets for my husband (it is right across the street from People’s Park).

Sitting at People’s Park and taking a picture

I have been to the store a few times, and there is a gentleman who is always there. He is always polite to me, but I can’t tell if its in a weird way (almost an “interested” look, but I am too new to this to know for sure). However it was the closest place to Safeway to get a lotto ticket (Safeway couldn’t sell any).

I went in there, pulled cash from the machine and walked up to the counter behind an old and very drunk hispanic man who kept telling everyone that he didn’t want Trump to send him away.

I am waiting there and he turns and notices me and says “wow you are tall beautiful”… obviously super drunk. Don’t get me wrong, flattering and all but I still don’t pass and I knew he was drunk. He obviously caught up to that a few moments later.

His face screws up in a question… “are you a man or woman?” He has that drunk voice, as he sways a bit. I smile but was a bit more uncomfortable and was all of a sudden a little more wary. The man is half my size so he isn’t a threat, but I was still a little wary.

I say “I am a woman, it cost a lot of money to become one.” The gentleman who works/owns the store smiles when I say that and nods, and is already starting to tell the drunk to leave me alone.

The drunk seemed confused and started talking when the store guy starts yelling for him to leave the woman alone. The fact he referenced me as a woman without blinking made me feel good. Meanwhile the drunk takes a few moments as he takes my hand. He leans forward and drunkenly says

“Don’t let anyone say you aren’t beautiful.”

I have seen that kind of shifting in opinions of drunks, and it wasn’t unexpected. I was partially happy to get the compliment but I wanted to get out of there before things went awry. As I left the store guy walked up to the homeless guy yelling at him to leave the woman alone and buzzing a taser threateningly. The old guy left, I left.

I talked with my hubby I found out a man had been stabbed in the parking lot and died there at 1pm the previous Thursday (one week exactly before).

https://www-1.thenewstribune.com/news/local/crime/article234797627.html

 

2 encounters in one day – The Safeway Incident

Today was a strange set of encounters, two of them to be exact. Both put me in uncomfortable situation and both of course involved being transgendered. I was wearing my blue striped dress and was out auditing one of the agencies and things were fine until I went to the local Safeway (in a bad area of town).

Me in the dress three months ago

As I exited Safeway, I noticed in front of me an older lady walking to her car. Behind her was a small man (I believe was homeless) following after her, with a second  homeless man watching from the other side of the entryway into the store. It bothered me, something seemed off.

Just seeing how the man was approaching made me wonder and I stopped walking in the middle of the parking lot and just watched the lady to make sure she got to her car when the small black guy yelled at her a question I couldn’t make out. I am fairly sure it was asking for change, but the fact she hurried quicker meant she wasn’t interested.

So I stood there and settled on the balls of my feet (in my little black Uggs) and I just watched him. I wanted to make sure nothing happened. I was very aware of the second man to my left and slightly behind me about 20 feet. I didn’t say anything, just watched in case I need to intervene.

That is when the guy to my left and behind me loudly yelled, “6’1 or 6’2?” I knew immediately he was talking to me, but that he was actually warning his buddy I was watching. I spun on my left, keeping the small guy in site and smiled at the man with the questions.

At this time the smaller man who was accosting the woman also stopped, he turned to watch me and seemed to have forgotten the lady. She immediately took advantage and got in her car and left. Meanwhile I just smiled at the guy and yelled back “6’2”. I think he was surprised I responded to him and didn’t scuttle away.

The gentleman who yelled the question

He stood back, cocked his head and then yelled, “Where’s your husband?” I yelled back “A few blocks away, will bring him lunch when I am done here” and I motioned to him and his friend. I think he was a little shocked at my response because he pulled on his medical facemask over his nose (the man had awful teeth).

It was during this time that the little guy just faded away, I saw him moving for a moment and then he was gone in between the cars. I noticed the guy asking the question nod to me and say, “good enough for me”. He then leaned over the railing and avoided responding to me anymore.

I am more than willing to say something to someone if another person might be in danger, but if its just me I am happy with leaving. That is when I got into the car and drive off.

That would have made the day interesting, but it doesn’t even include what happened at People’s Park

General Update and Cheek News

I have been quiet lately, not that new things haven’t happened, just that I am exhausted. However, wanted to get out some of the basics while I had some moments.

The last couple of weeks have been especially bad with insomnia and nightmares, mostly me not being able to protect people I currently care about, or who passed away already. This results in me getting up somewhere between 00:30 and 0300 for several days, unless I crash every five or six days which case I sleep until 4pm (which is later than normal for me). This leaves me grumpy and tired. Fortunately my husband is pretty forgiving.

I did get to meet a nice transgender lady while I was at work. I was actually on lunch at Thea’s park and I am sitting in my car throwing peanuts out for the crows and seagulls. I see this lady pull up beside me. My first thought was wondering if she was a trans lady. I glanced at her, she glanced at me and a few minutes later she motioned for me to roll down my window as she asked me if I was trans.

That is when I met Hazel, a nice lady who is a local and has been doing this a couple years longer than myself. She seemed nice, we chatted and exchanged instagram accounts. It was nice meeting someone like myself. It is funny, I have met a lot more trans guys than gals. This is primarily because for 5 of the last 6 years we were focused on hubby’s transition so it was guys who came out of the woodwork (especially about accidentally gay and the website). It as just nice to meet someone like me.

Yesterday we went down to Portland to check on my cheek with Dr. Ley. The trip down was actually pretty cool. I live to just spend time with my husband. I realize a lot of people hate traveling with others, but 3 hours each direction with my hubby is enjoyable to me, especially since I don’t drive so much anymore.

We got there and there was a bit of a kerfuffle finding the office. Met a nice trans girl named Libby and we helped guide her to Dr. Ley’s office as well. I walked in with Dr. Ley and she didn’t even recognize me from my surgery four months ago. The facial changes she made, plus the hormones, new hair color/style and my long skirt gave her a blank stare at me for a few moments.

I intentionally didn’t choose my best most recent image, the recent image is my “average”.

She was nice and realized who I was soon enough after I started talking. After telling her some of my concerns she reached into my mouth where I noticed the real thingand I saw her visibly hesitate when she felt the “serrated edge” feeling the cheek had on the inside. She apologized for any pain as she crushed up whatever was sharp feeling.

She admitted she had never felt something like that before (my body heals weird). She was worried at first that part of the cheek was exposed inside my mouth but relaxed when she realized it was fine. She ended up clearing me and saying my cheek was healing well with no problems, that was a relief.

We then stopped at the Bantam Tavern, just a couple of blocks down where I had fish and chips and a couple of Whiskey Punches to celebrate. We then came home and I got to spend more time with the most important person in the world.

There is my favorite thing in the world.

Of course I am back up at 3am this morning, but I feel a bit better as I fell asleep earlier. I just wanted to get this written down (I have already forgotten the dream I wanted to talk about, all I remember was me desperately searching for a large oxygen tank in a garage that had slipped under all the carport racks). So here it is. Hopefully more will be coming. 🙂

Anxiety

One of the things I had done during my FFS was cheek implants. I originally didn’t think I wanted them, but the doc talked me into and to be honest she was correct. I think they look great, and I am really happy.

The left cheek implant has always bothered me during the healing contest. Not heavily, but enough. It was the last to stop swelling after the initial surgery, the skin tends to tighten around it more so occasionally if I smile there is a stretching feeling, but this is all within a normal parameter.

Several weeks ago I noticed when I feel my cheek from inside my mouth, my left cheek feels more jagged on the edges then my right one. It could be a stitch, or just the way it healed. However it does give me a little anxiety about it.

A couple weeks later I was talking to my nurse, she asked for me to get pictures of the inside of my mouth and send it. I did so, got some good pictures and sent it to her. She replied it looks fine, but she would show the doctor… then I got an email asking for me to make an appointment for the doctor to see my mouth when she comes up to Portland (they are in Phoenix, but were going to be in Portland as they expand their offices).

The doc said it is fine but she would like to look. That of course makes me nervous as well but I have an appointment on September 20th.

Fast forward to a couple days ago I noticed it was spread out a little more in my mouth (still looks fine externally). Yesterday it ached and swole up a little (both sides do this occasionally,its just a natural part of healing. This morning it is a bit more puffy, I don’t think its infected but I worry.

My biggest anxiety breaks down into a few things.

I just don’t want to incur any more cost of having it removed, waiting six months and putting it back in. I am already tanking us financially and doubling or tripling the price of my cheek implants is freaking me out. This doesn’t even include the cost of flights or time off.

I am worried about what I would look like without the implant, whether its just temporarily for six months while it heals or if its permanent. Will the skin over the implant sag, will I have a more gaunt look in my face, will I totally fail looking cute.

This week was the first time I ever looked in the mirror and saw myself and really liked what I looked like. I mean I totally thought I was cute and there were no negative thoughts (except for the dislike of my skin apron from weight loss, but that will be fixed). Then this happens and I am worried I am on a downward spiral.

So here I am anxiously unsure what is going to happen and how to go about it. The sad thing, I am aware it is probably nothing at all and things will be fine, but that anxiety is still there.

Long long day… but worth it

Here it is 00:30 and I am awake with anxiety, uncomfortable dreams and still amped from my day. I feel distracted and to be honest emotional (evidently distracted enough that it is now 02:00 because I just sat here zoning out for 90 minutes).

This isn’t uncommon for me when I have to deal with family. Ever since my parents passed I haven’t had many good experiences (barring with my younger niece and nephew). The difference is today it felt like we got past something, maybe things are changing. Even if they aren’t, I think I am gaining the ability to just let things go.

Yesterday started decently, if not a bit early. I was up by 4am (anxiety about going up to visit parents grave). Hung out with husband a bit until I left later then normal (after 8am) to drive up to Bellingham (about a 130 mile drive one way). It is the first time I have been out and about by myself dressed female without my husband (barring work).

It started with going to the gas station at Safeway. Two different guys are filling up cars and they notice me. One guy just smiled, the other guy chuckled to his friend inside their truck. Fuck them I don’t care (actually not too much at least). Went inside the little store area to look for a Coke Zero, none where there. The older guy behind the counter asked me what I am looking for, I told him and he said “Honey, they are outside” and went out and got me the last Coke Zero. It was nice that he didn’t even hesitate, I wasn’t sure with him being older how he would react, then he yelled at one of the guys at the gas pump so I knew he wasn’t super nice all the time.

I then drove up to Bellingham and on my way stopped by a grocery store for flowers for my parents grave and a Starbucks. Everyone was nice and the florist lady called me Honey. Is that normal to have so many people use that term?

For some reason (maybe its hrt, or maybe I am old) I had to stop again to pee. This time at a rest stop. This is where things got twitchy. I am parked and four asian ladies in a Canadian plated van step out and smoke three fee from my window. I then get up to go to the bathroom and I get stared at by a bunch of rednecks when I go into the bathroom, and when I get out of the rest area bathroom there are three different guys from different group standing there watching me.

I think the one advantage is none of them realized I was taller than them, and I have a lot of tattoos. They just stared at me, but didn’t say a word… so neither did I. I got out of the rest area as soon as possible though.

I got to Bellingham and picked up my brother. This was a funny part. I swing into his apartment complex and he almost walks past me. He is staring at me like he is trying to figure out who I am. This is the first time he has seen me dressed in makeup and a skirt.

He got in the car and laughed about it. He said that he saw me from outside his apartment, he thought he recognized the car but when he saw only one person and he thought it was a woman, he didn’t think it was me. I knew he was telling the truth because when he walked past me I saw the moment when he recognized me.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I pass in general, but it was nice to see evidently I can feminize well enough.

We then met with my niece at Bob’s Burgers and had a great lunch. She also had a confused look when she saw me  and she congratulated me on how I looked. We then had lunch and she talked about her life, my brother’s life and mine. I feel like we got past some previous family stuff. Don’t get me wrong there is still stuff that hurts and I will eventually talk about here, but you try and get past it.

Neither my niece or brother wanted to go to the cemetery so I took my brother home. On the way home we stopped by his kid’s house and I got to say hi to my younger set of nephew/niece combination (they also didn’t recognize me at first, not saying I passed as a woman, but that I didn’t look like who I was). Once done there we had to stop at three places to pick him up a bus pass and we said farewell.

Finally I got to go to the cemetery. I was supposed to come up a couple of months ago, but with all the surgeries, medical visits, etc I never made it. I spent a good hour or so there, cleaning up the headstone of my parents, taking pictures and dropping my excess flowers on obviously unvisited graves. I think I want to go up there and do a full photo layout of the cemetery. It is still the single most beautiful graveyard/cemetery (I don’t know the difference) that I have seen in person in my life.

Finally I drove home (took 3 hours to get anywhere) and got to see the husband. It was a 12 hour day that felt like 16, but I felt better. I think I want to go up there a little more regularly.

What I did find was my family I met with seemed ok with me walking around with them with a skirt on. I didn’t realize how anxious I was about how they would react (and I still don’t know why I care). It was a good experience though and I am glad I did it.

Oh, and there will be photos later!

Bathroom Encounter

Gather around for a story of someone who is a royal fuck and why women talking in a bathroom still weirds me out. As a side note, this doesn’t happen in men’s bathrooms. There is an unspoken rule that you do not talk to each other, so it has been an experience learning that women do this differently.

It all started at work, for the most part I have good luck in the bathroom. Most women I see at work don’t hesitate with me being in the bathroom, but sometimes all the stalls can be empty, they walk in, see me and walk back out. It hurts but it is what it is.

Shitty things happen, and this time I am sitting in the stall at work, minding my own business. Someone else comes in and sits in the stall next to me. They just start chatting to me like they know me. We have two actual bathrooms side by side and both are women’s bathroom. I figure their friend probably was in the other one and she hadn’t realized it wasn’t her friend sitting in my stall.

I don’t know her voice but we have a lot of people in that department and I suspect she is across the hall. She then says “Don’t you hate they let guys in here”. Straight out says that to me.

It kind of shocked me for a moment since I know that I have to be that “guy”. Everything sort of froze for me and I went into automatic mode. A childhood full of stressful situations that have left me with PTSD, but also the ability to respond immediately to the situation.

My Bradley wit did overcome and I said “I know… guys shouldn’t be in here.” With my still masculine voice. I am fairly sure I had a bite to my word, one of those ‘wrong stall biatch’ and I could tell I had scored a pretty good hit.

I think she might have had a stroke at that moment as she went silent. You could hear a pin drop. It was that bizarre silence that is just momentary, but loud in its lack of sound. All of a sudden a scattered sound of cleaning up and then she whipped out of that bathroom like a roach scurrying away. I didn’t even catch a glimpse of her when I was finishing up, she was just gone.

At first I thought maybe it was a mean girl thing and she was saying it like that to fuck with me. Some people I grew up with would have approached it that way, a casual “oops I didn’t realize that was you”, but I think her bailing out so quick shows she did think I was someone else.There isn’t anyone else in my department that would have the nerve to do that kind of thing, so the more I think, I definitely believe she just made a mistake.

I was amused for a little while at work, then mad, then I just wanted to crawl home and hide.

I know I shouldn’t care, but it did bug me. I still think about it a few days later. I realize this is my future, and while it sucks, it is still much better than how I felt before I transitioned.