Feeling like crap

This morning I woke up feeling like shit physically, mentally and emotionally. I probably will call the boys in a little bit and cancel hanging out. I think I got a cold, combine that with the shit my sister pulled and the stress I am feeling about my dad being in jail all in all makes me a nasty guy at the moment.

I hate the world and I am just hoping someone gives me lip so I can beat them into the ground (ok I wont, and I know thats a bad thing, but thats the crappy mood I am in).

I am a little stressed about our car situation, its not for me or the wife, we both do fine without a car, its my mom, she has some major surgical stuff coming up and my dumbass meth-head sister is never reliable to her or my dad. I get worried on how she will get places. I probably wont try and get the car fixed, its just something I am a little fixated on and worried about.

Brother, me, mom, sister – January 2003

I have thought about it and I have to put my tattoo off til at least March (unless I get a job before then, then I can spend money on Tats). I do have the money in my pocket for the outlining of it, but I dont feel I can contribute that money for it. The wife’s back is hurting and she is saving up for a mattress that will help, and honestly as far as priorities go she is my ultimate number one priority, I would drop anything in my life for her needs and would kill someone for her if it was needed (and there are people out there rolling their eyes about that, lol its funny because its true).

I lucked out when I found someone to be so devoted to that she doesn’t take advantage of it. She needs a good mattress and her feeling better physically means she is happier which in the end makes me happier.

I am also slightly frustrated with my clan, dont get me wrong I have a reliable core (Yog, Astarte, Deep One, Tsathoggua, Nng and a couple of others) but the rest only bitch about wanting admin access and how they try to split hairs on the requirements for the clan. I have the strongest urge to go through and fire 50% of the clan just to par it down, but I wont. I feel I need to do it right and give them every opportunity to show me they want to be in it for any other reason then admin access on the public server.

If finances are poor next quarter they will be surprised when I reduce the server to a 12 man private server for matches only, Some would say but “Lilith is already paying for a 12 man private server” but if I reduced it down I would have her stop paying as I think its my responsibility to provide the server and no sense in having two private servers unless we branched out into DoD (which I wouldnt mind). On a good note practices have been extremely good, a large turnout and people seem excited about the upcoming competitions. I think Nng is right, I am too nice sometimes, maybe I will cut that back.

As for the rest of my personal life in this crappy mood I am in consists mostly of C++ projects and ASP.Net projects (which when I learn ASP will rock, because then I can program a database for Dying Light that is self updating and completely set up so anyone can access thier characters on the internet, buy thier own skills and print out thier own tags before game. Thus reducing Logistics to new players and me maintaining the database and ensuring no errors occur. WOOOT totally automated and accurate logistics I can not even imagine that.

Well Crappiness is still with me, better contact the boys.

Dad in Jail

Well, its Saturday afternoon and I am exhausted.

Its been a long week for me. I found out December 30th that my dad got busted for old DUI warrants from 4 1/2 years ago and now he is in jail. On top of this the next day he went before the one judge in all of the county that hates his guts (the judge specifically reversed the order of the cases so my dad would go last, even the Bailiff was a little weirded out about how the judge did that).

The rub of this is that this was also the last day this judge would be around, he was retiring starting the next day. Not only did he slap 1.5 times the normal bail, he then turned around, doubled it again and told the court that my father could not use a bail bond for his bail, he would have to post with cash only.

Now even with all these hiked up numbers it comes to only $7,000 but no one in my family has that kind of money so my dad sits in jail. I got to visit him today, actually he was much better looking then he has for awhile. They don’t allow smoking or drinking in jail so my dad is starting to feel better (he has emphysema but keeps smoking like a chimney). He looks healthier and he has a lot of his old energy. I am pretty sure that in the end this is the best thing that could have happened to him because it gets his past behind him and now he will deal with the results and move on.

Jimbo (L) and Dad (R)

It was a pain in the butt to go visit though, I hate jails (when I was a kid he got in a lot of fights and was in jail a good amount of the time) and of course this brought back all the old memories. I have been in a black mood all day and probably mostly due to this experience (anticipating the trip to  visit my father in jail). Well its over now, I feel remarkably better, he seemed happier if you could believe it.

Don’t get me wrong, my dad is an awesome guy, he just likes his alcohol alot (probably the biggest reason I dont drink, alcoholism runs in the family pretty badly). He is pretty intent on quitting drinking and smoking (which may sound like something anyone would say when in this situation but he normally will not admit to quitting anything longer then “a few weeks” this is the first time in a long long time he has told me he intends on quitting permanently).

So on the way home I used some saved up money, bought two steaks, some salad makings and some mushrooms to use with the steak and I plan on cooking the wife some dinner later tonight, too exhausted to do it right now. Maybe I will go play some CS.

I am getting heavy eyelid syndrome so I will sign off now, everyone have a good day.

Thanksgiving 2002

Well here I am, its Thanksgiving. Our car is broken we are broke and in general its not a lot of fun right now. I found out that at this point in the quarter I am getting a solid A in my CS202 class but that I am barely (I mean by the skin of my teeth) getting a C in Chemistry. Its absolutely the worst grade I have ever recieved since I was in High School. I think the most frustrating part is I have completed 76% of the points in Chem (giving it a solid C) yet my professor’s curve has me at a 70.0%  I realize that is only 6% less but the final is coming up and I am feeling very shaky on the subject matter.

Honestly its my fault. I love my Autistic nephew Noah and when I volunteered to be one of his ABA therapists in August I figured it was only a few hours a week commitment. It would have only been a few hours a week commitment if I didnt start trying to help them with everything. The Head Therapist they have is a joke and she was just sucking money out of my sister-inlaw and my mother and father in-laws.

So I spent 3 months stressing and trying to coerce her into actually working and doing things that are actually helping Noah. After 3 months of stress in October I had to quit. It was taking too much of a toll on my personal life and school. The end result is I had put so much  emotional energy and time into it that my grades were suffering horribly. I had to drop my Math class and I was close to failing my Chem class as well. I have slowly gotten up to the C but I am worried that if I blow the final it will drop me back down.

Wierd thing is CS (Computer Science classes for those that dont know what CS means) have always been easy and I am fortunate I had Professor Granier teaching the class. That is probably enough whining about school right now. I dont want to worry about losing financial aid for not completing more then 6 credits with a C or higher so I will have to force myself to pass the finals.

I by no means wish to run all over town to different houses for Thanksgiving (we usually have to do this for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, visit both sets of parents). Its weird, my parents are ok with us only seeing them one holiday or at least the day before or after. They understand that the dates we celebrate family themselves are unimportant.

Our cat Orpheus last week.

The spousal unit’s family was a little different up til this year. She would get calls and harassed to show up, lots of guilt trips. This year amazingly enough there has been no pressure from either side about Thanksgiving. Sad part is I miss the Turkey and Pie (well probably the pie and  sweet potatoes more then the turkey). Hmm maybe I should go make some chocolate chip cookies. I love baking, maybe when we get our student loan in January I will get a Baking cookbook.

Update

Well, here it is early monday morning. My little brother stayed over last night and slept on the couch (ok little is a misnomer, he is 9 years younger then me – but that still makes him 22- and he is only slightly shorter then me and his shoulders are half again wider, lol the word little is so cute for him).

Yesterday we went to amtguard, that was a lot of fun except now my ankle and knee hurts like a bitch. Weirdly enough they hurt more today then they did yesterday, I really hope I didn’t screw it up again. If it continues to hurt (the ankle specifically) I will need to go back into the doctors. The  problem being is my left ankle has an unresolved fracture from when I was 14, basically that means that when I broke one of my ankle bones when I was 14, it never healed. I am glad I found out about my ankle because I always felt like such a wuss when I would go jogging or fall on it or whatever and it would just hurt.

Also I am feeling much less stressed now with my school changes, I got a lot of emails from my clan members about renewing MU and I think will do that. I dont have the money to support the server but several members have volunteered to help and if they are willing to put in that much commitment I am willing to helm the massive ship known as Miskatonic University (name of our clan for CS).

I think I wont invite anyone over today, I think I have been neglecting my little wifey-poo, maybe I will just make it a me and her day because we know everyone will be over for buffy tommorrow.

On a happier note, I have been able to spend a lot more time with my little brother, he tends to be the only other one in my family who doesn’t get sucked into wierd “drug” deals/alcholism etc, and me and the wife are really trying to provide as much other entertainment for him so he doesnt follow the path of my parents and sister. Its wierd as I was growing up my friends thought I had the coolest parents because they partied (basically my family are all bikers), dont get me wrong I do think they were great parents but the aspect my friends liked was the one aspect I hated. LOL its funny now but it wasn’t back then.

Well I better get ready for school, talk later.

First Dying Light Playtest

Gallery: Dying Light Playtest
Date: August 4, 2002
Location: Cornwall Park, Bellingham WA

Me pre-transition.

Well, our first day of play-testing helped. Oh my god, it rocked. The system is excellent giving everyone their own special abilities and combat is even more exciting then Legacies ever was. The biggest advantage is that combat is quick. In Legacies group combat that we had during play-tested would have lasted 10-15 minutes. During play-test true combat was over in less than 5. The funny thing was combat was still very equivalent to any of the awesome battles we have in Legacies.

Honestly ever since we gave up Legacies I have noticed a large percentage of the people who proclaimed to be our friend and like what we did with Legacies are now spouting shit out of their asses. It’s really frustrating to hear things concerning “the previous owners who screwed up the game” did they even understand that Legacies was over when we picked it up.

Wifey

MH (name removed to protect the dumb) and crew had decided it was over, me and wife at the great personal expense (about $8000 and bankruptcy) and got it going again. Of course, we saw the “good old boys network” as wrong and we took the “privileges” away from that certain people like Microsoft Douche, Mt. Baker High asshole, and others. We made them play the same rules as everyone else and like little babies they quit and didn’t come back. We spent a lot of time on Legacies and all we got was shit back.

I gotta feel sorry for Pinky (called that because he is a large man who is partnered with a very small man who makes plans and I have named “The Brain) because I am hearing things already about how “fucked up the new owners are” and I know that Pinky is a great guy and doesn’t deserve that kind of shit.

After Legacies, I was very much of the opinion that Larping sucked ass and I never wanted to see Larpers again. Now I realize that not everyone falls under this category but it is easy to stereotype. However the wifey really wanted to try Dying Light so I sat down and came up with the thought process behind the uni class system, handed wifey the notes (which were written on Shari’s napkins), and she created it into a clear and concise set of rules. Then with much input and advice from Dunk, we got the rules finalized. Then wifey did a huge ton of work on the histories, meanwhile, I have created the website, and the monster manual (plus the entire setup for a new logistics, not at all like the old model at Legacies). But to be honest I have always felt doubt about Dying Light. Well, today that Doubt was almost completely erased. We had 11 playtesters and we went out to the park with full costumes (people thought we were strange).

The day was great, we found the system to be extremely streamlined and the combat and system incredibly simple. After all this, I am excited about the next playtest (which is probably going to be August 25th). So this means I think we have an awesome Larp and I think it will be fun. I really hope Sandman and Meta Diva can make it someday (if not to a playtest then to the actual event) it’s awesome and I would love to share it with some of my friends.

Well, I will stop now, this has become a novel-length post, I will probably post tomorrow. I will however leave you with the gallery below from our first play-test.

Tuesday

Well here I am again, yesterday was so damn hot I couldn’t even do a posting. I basically went to class, studied, came home and played a little CS, a little Madden and studied a bit. I have a midterm today in 4 hours in my Roman Lit. class. I am pretty anxious about it and I should at this exact moment be studying but I can’t seem to do it. I will probably post this and then watch a buffy rerun on tv (its an episode for a season me and goat don’t own) and then at 9, I will start studying (that will give me 2 hours before the test).

I don’t feel sore at all after sparring Sunday except for my ankle, lol guess maybe I shouldn’t spar on a fractured ankle but if that’s all that aches I am surprised. I am pretty happy I get to quit the job at Papa Murphy’s. Don’t get me wrong I like the District Manager a lot, Mike is a great guy but the actual store manager Troy is an absolute moron and can’t even call me by my real name, he keeps calling me Laughy and all it was doing was pissing me off.

On a good note, I am awfully excited about Dying Light. We made up practice characters and I think the system will work well. The other thing that is great is the fact that a starting character is not useless nor does a person ever get so high a level that they plateau on ever gaining skills. I think we are all pretty excited.

I am also feeling much better about running games. Normally for my group, I am the GM/DM but last year or so its been hard for me to run things. This happens sometimes, I know it’s not that I don’t want to, it just usually stresses for the rest of my life that prevents me from doing things like that. I am pretty psyched about D&D, although I think I am going to lay down the law about arguing with the GM. I am tired of arguing and if people can’t hack my decisions they need to find another GM.

We are starting to play Heavy Gear, we are starting with just the tabletop miniature game to make sure we like it but if that works out I will be starting a Sunday game (D&D is currently our Saturday game). I feel bad, I normally run solo games for Jello but the last few months have not been good for my stress. I freak out about money. However I am feeling much better, now I just hope that I can get into the groove of his current character so I can start playing it, the only problem when I get to stressed to play is if it’s too long a time I sometimes lose the ability to keep that campaign going and need him to start something new.

Ahh stress, money is my number one thing I stress about. Legacies really crushed all our reserves, made us declare bankruptcy, and pretty much caused my life a tremendous amount of stress. I think the most upsetting thing about it is the shit people said behind our back. I especially think it’s funny that all the people that were incredibly nice to us as owners and always talked to us have pretty much never contacted us since we gave it up. Max I want to thank you for attempting to warn me and Jello of that, we figured you were exaggerating, surely people would not be so two-faced because of a game. You warned us and you were right. Oh well, I think we are going to adopt the Acts of Gord (at http://www.actsofgord.com) type of management for Dying Light. I think the funny thing is the shit people still say behind our back. But we decided this time around to take a different perspective, Gord definitely has the right idea.

Well, I should stop bitching and move on, I am really glad that some of the legacies people did stay in contact and I like them, the ones that are two faced can kiss my ass and are not important to me anyway.

On a good note, our MU Clan server was full most of yesterday, we have been working on getting it filled and it now is starting to. WOOOT. Well, it’s getting close to the time for breakfast and then studying. I might post when I get home tonight. Cya all.