Posted in Dreams Internal Thoughts

Another Wierd Dream

Ok here it is, I had a dream last night that bothered me. It started out with me being washed up on the shores of Japan. It must have been early times and it sorta was a cross between Last Samurai and Shogun. There wasn’t any sort of fighting though, or war, rather it was kinda peaceful and nice until finally a person from the U.S. found me. 

They gave me a single person raft with a set of sails (it was closer to a canoe, but same idea that your butt was exposed to the water via lashed together logs. LOL it doesnt make sense but thats a dream for you. Then I dreamt I took a cat with me and sailed all the way back to the West Coast, then by using rivers I sailed all through upper Canada until I got to the east coast.

Upon reaching the east coast I found my parents. Upon landing the cat I took with me demanded I feed it 5 kittens because it had not eaten the whole entire time across. I was kinda dumbstruck but I got the impression I knew I might get a request like that. So I had a bag of kittens, and I couldn’t give up most of the kittens because they were cute and reminded me of Orpheus (my current cat in real life) or Isabelle (my parents current cat), but the cat (which now appeared like a kitten itself) was able to get a few of them, leaving kitten parts all over.

After some time of dinking around in the dream I noticed my mother had a bunch of little bites on her and she was starting to get sick. I asked her what happened and she said something about being bitten (I am having a hard time remembering what she said) I told her to go see a doctor and was worried it was the cat I brought with me, even though the bites on her looked like bird bites. I then left to go do something but immediately woke up a little stressed by the dream and a little disorientated.

Now the dream is starting to slip away, I just wanted to write down as much as possible about it before it was gone.

It was a good dream to start with but by the end was a nightmare, I guess I am glad I dont remember the last of it or why it bothered me so much.

Well, I gotta get ready for the Wife’s sister. She is coming over to pick me up so I can help her get started on her DSHS paperwork.

Posted in Events General Update Internal Thoughts

Anxiety, Insomnia and a Weird day.

Well here it is, 4am and I have just woke up with an anxiety attack/weird dreams. Even though its about other things I am sure the anxiety attack/waking up/insomnia is because its awfully warm, because my caffiene addiction hasn’t been satiated and because I am worried about my grades.

I had a weird day yesterday. Woke up from weird dreams, got up and puttered around the house with a food hangover and waited for my sister to show up to pick up the mattress. Of course she was  late but this was expected. She showed up with my little brother Derek and we commenced trying to move the queen size mattress into my sister’s van.

It was rather like keystone cops, the rain was pouring down, gusts of wind up to 45mph (not joking) and it took us over 20 minutes to get it into the van, in the end I got stuck between the seat and the van but managed to after some time slip out of the seat. Fortunately the spouse was laughing too much to remember to get the camera until it was over.

So we traveled down to my parent’s neighbor (who we are taking the mattress to for free just to get it out of my house). We spend another ten minutes wiggling it out of the van with much carnage and in the wind and rain we finally got it to our neighbor’s porch. Right in front of our neighbor’s porch is an extremely smooth area, my feet being wet made it a slippery ride and I ended up twisting my ankle (still hurts too).

Upon completion we went over to my parents for awhile, ankle hurting, cold, wet and rainy. Being a non-smoker of course all the smoke in the room came to me and  my allergies kicked up. Then me and  Derek decided to go see Gothika, we have my sister drop me and him off at the “mall” area (not an actual indoor mall, just where the theater, foodstore, rite-aid were). After going to the grocery store,  picking up snacks we went and bought tickets and waited in the lobby of the theater. We were told that the room wasn’t ready yet and we waited, by the time the movie was supposed to start we had heard the movie place workers talking about blood, someone bleeding, they had called the cops, etc. It seemed like something was going down.

About 10 minutes later as many people waited to go see the movie in the lobby they decided to cancel the movie. I was pretty unhappy due to the fact we had spent over an hour total waiting for the movie, we would have to wait another 30 minutes for the bus and then another 30 minute bus ride. What a waste of a day. We would have just gone to a later showing but we had a CS match that evening (last night, which we won by the way).

So fast forward us at the bus stop, we had been there over 15 minutes in the howling rain/wind. Then along comes two drunks. a drunk white guy and his Indian woman. So drunk off thier ass they could barely walk (and when they got to the bus stop they just reeked of alcohol and were drinking some Steel Reserve, nasty. Then I looked down and noticed the guy was bleeding like a stuck pig from his hand, I am not talking a little blood, seriously his white shoes were almost a solid red across the top of them.

He refused to listen to his wife/girlfriend about covering the cut and he just tossed a large white set of tissues that were crimson over most of the tissues themselves. I asked them if they had been to the theater and they smiled and said yes, they went and saw Gothika earlier in the day. So here was the reason I had wasted almost an hour before the “Movie” and now another hour after the movie due to its being cancelled.

The bus arrived, Derek told the bus driver that the guy behind us was drunk and bleeding. She refused to let him on board and told him he needed to take care of a bleeding injury like that because it was a bio-hazard. I shit you not, he was still bleeding like a stuck pig (drinking alcohol tends to make you bleed more, guess he had a lot of alcohol).

Well eventually he and his girlfriend left but the bus driver had to stay where she was while she cleaned up all the blood he had leaked on the front entrance to the bus (the hand rail, the steps, the door). So she was almost  15 minutes late getting back on route because of the same asshole that made me not see my movie. And people wonder why I dont drink.

Well later that night we played Counter-Strike as our first match known as the Bad News Bears (first 5v5 match at least) we won and that was good.

Then Derek (who was staying the night) found out my sister did have his money she borrowed but he had to go out to her, so he had to leave (and couldnt spend the night because of it) because my sister wont necessarily have the money if he waits. So it screws our plans up to see the movie. A perfect ending for a weird day full of disaster “Bradley Style”.

You will notice that my post has become very short at the end of the last two paragraphs. Thats because I am now exhausted and am going back to bed and seeing if I can sleep a couple of hours.

Posted in Dreams Internal Thoughts

Early Morning Rambling

Things are going pretty well, today I have to go with my dad for an MRI on his back but everyone seems in pretty good spirits.

Last night I had a dream I haven’t had in over a decade. I dreamt I had joined the priesthood. Now here is a little background, I grew up Catholic (Irish Catholic, the priest we were closest too had some pagan type ideas and I have since found out its a “Irish” tendency to lump in weird things) I honestly don’t think its an Irish thing anymore, I think rather its a tradition that may have started with the Irish but has become more of a Poor Catholic sorta belief.

When I was growing up, I had always considered the priesthood, this sounds wierd but my parents told me they would totally support that decision when I was younger (the reason looking back this sounds wierd is my family is comprised of Bikers, Nam Vets and criminals, but the whole family would have accepted that, and would have been completely supportive).

Between the ages of 17-20 I had seriously considered attending a Seminary (the only time in that time period it wasn’t something I considered was when me and Sage (my wife) were going out the first time. When she dumped me I almost immediately joined but fortunately for my current circumstance my father talked me out of it and told me I should wait until it wasn’t a reaction from a breakup. Sage and I got back together so it was a moot point, but its something I have always considered when I was younger.

Last night I dreamt something happened to Sage (not a break up situation, more like a death I believe) and I joined the seminary after whatever happened, happened. Now that I am awake and writing this down most of the dream is disappearing like smoke, but I felt I should write down what I could.

I think it made an impression on me because I haven’t even considered myself following Catholicism for a long time. I have strayed for a long time from the church and I honestly don’t think I can go back. There is so much hypocrisy in the church, not only the church but all of Christianity is built on hypocrisy. Don’t get me wrong, the message is a wonderful message full of love and I am not at all faulting the message. Rather I am faulting the religious hierarchy for becoming a bloated, hypocritical bastard that has nothing to do with the religious belief and who instead of promoting the word of love now promotes intolerance.

This goes for all actual churches, Christianity, Islam, Judaism all are hypocrites, all of these religions have become shadows of what the “word” is. They all teach the opposite of their base beliefs and I totally have become disgusted with all Monotheisms.

Actually thinking about this, I think all of this thought pattern may have sprung from watching the Hercules marathon yesterday on sci-fi channel. Yesterday I sat watching and thought how much more relaxing it would be to believe in a pantheon of gods, all who had human foilables and you could understand why god/nature/destiny could be cruel and/or kind.

I have considered looking deeper into Paganism, my only problem with that is most of the current groups in  my area do the “new age” paganism, they mix the different deities together in prayers and worship (like I have heard several members of a local group at the same time they offer to Diana, Demeter, Pele, Inana) The funny thing is these groups don’t realize that the goddesses/gods they worship in historical context were believed to be highly jealous of each other and it would have been an insult to worship them together.

I hate the “new age” movement, I would rather some old fashioned paganism as in worshiping only one pantheon and kinda sticking to something “old” rather then reinventing old religions into a mishmash of separate deities into one worship. New age also bothers me (at least the group around here) with the “man bashing” they tend to be middle aged women who are bitter with men and in their “circles” do the same exact thing to men that they are bitter were done to them.

Sexism is just wrong either way, both sexes have something to offer and I dont think having a penis makes you better or worse then not having one.

hmm, my family was buddhist for 5 years, that went nicely, maybe I will look into buddhism.

Well bus is coming, have to run, sorry to only get half a thought down, just rambling today.

*note from 9/2018… wow I had some entitled man privilege there about sexism on both sides…

Posted in Dreams Internal Thoughts

Tired

Once again 4am I was awake with nightmares, after about an hour and the wife getting up and punching me for waking up I finally fell back to sleep. Of course I woke up at 7am again with another nightmare, its kinda bizarre though. They aren’t “bloody chainsaw death” type nightmares, rather just dreams of my friends and family passing away.

I think its probably the stress and anxiety causing this considering no one I know who I dreamt about dying will probably die for another 20 years at least if not longer. I think its just upcoming school, living situation changing, work (gave notice) and overall stress, not eating well and not going to sleep at a decent time. Oh and not enough caffiene, that always gets me.

I also wonder if its because I am working through not ever having kids. I have been reading some webstuff about couples who decide not to have kids and I think I am working through all the dogma I have ever heard about not having kids. The biggest dogma crap thing I hear about is how if you dont have kids you will die alone.

Well since the wife worked in a nursing home I have heard stories on how “respectful” children can be, mostly by asking if they can take thier parents off life support so they can just get it over with (it didnt sound like they were concerned about pain and suffering of thier parent, rather they wanted to inherit stuff before all the money was gone). Or worse yet, I have seen many older people put in nursing homes and then forgotten by thier kids. It seems to me such a horrible waste for kids to do that to thier parents but it looks like even if you have kids you still may die alone, or even worse, die with them saying nasty things and hoping you will die.

I guess its not so bad to not have kids, besides we are going to be the rich and crazy uncle/aunt for our nieces and nephews. LOL buying thier love with exotic trinkets, spoil them rotten and send them home. Plus there is a possible daughter I have out there but the mother never let me verify it when we broke up :(.

I guess I am just in a melancholy mood, I hate feeling alone.

Posted in Dreams General Update Internal Thoughts

Early Wakeup

Well woke up just before 5am, due to anxiety dreams about my parents getting old and dying (and me getting old and being alone). I been having these on and off all fall. I think its partially because I am not working and worried about money.

Partially I think my subconcious is mourning that I will never have kids. Dont get me wrong, I am totally happy with just me and the wife but society pounds the whole idea of must having kids into your head so much I think this is one of the reasons why I have the dreams.

I also believe its because of school. I am stressed about my math class, and I am stressed that this is taking so long. I am sooo tired of hours of study but not a dime in paycheck :).

The final reason I think I am getting the dreams is for the first time in over a decade my parents are taking care of themselves. Before this they always needed money, or help or something, but for the last 3 months they have been doing better then me and my wife. LOL its almost the same thing parents go through when thier kids dont need thier help, grow up and move away.

Never mind me, just rambling.

Posted in Events General Update Internal Thoughts

Red headed meth surprise

Well this morning I left my house at 7am to go visit my parents before school. Things proceeded well until my trip home via the bus.  Now let me give you some background on the two buses that go by our trailer. The two routes are just mirrors of each other, they only go once an hour and they mostly provide transportation for 2 mental health services.

What does this mean to you you may ask? It means the bus is always full of people who have mental problems. Dont get me wrong, I never have a problem riding the bus with people who have problems, some of the nicest people are mentally handicapped. The problem is many of these “head cases” are not physically handicapped (or mentally, brain wise handicapped) rather they are drug users who are ordered by the court system to go to counseling. This results in an unusual amount of memorable experiences on this bus route.

Well at 9am on my way home I am sitting in the back of the bus, trying not to notice that the entire bus smells like ass, its 90 degrees in there and many people who dont shower (not cuz they are homeless, just that they are dirty). My attention was drawn to a red head that came on the bus. Now something you should know right off, I have always been attracted to red heads, they seem to be attracted back to me, and they almost always are psycho and the worst possible thing for me.

Now this red head walks down a mostly empty bus and decides to sit right beside me. She turns to me and smiles. Now she would be considered cute, she was probably taller by an inch or two then Wife she was incredibly thin and had huge breasts (I pretty much tagged her as a stripper at first so I figure those are fake, which is fine). After she sits I notice she probably hasn’t showered in awhile.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the smell of girls but she had an acidy smell that I associate with someone who is coming down from a hit of acid (they have a particular odor, not stinky BO, its more of a chemical smell), I have also noticed this smell on people who do a lot of Meth. Well she turned to me and smiled and I noticed she wasn’t just thin, but Auschwitz thin. Her skin was drawn back against her body and I could have probably fit her entire body under my shirt. I also noticed her hair was unwashed and had a greasy texture in it. She wore jeans and a t-shirt but she was way too skinny (I love girls who have hips).

The first thing she does is turn to me, smile and then run her hand through my blue hair. She muttered something about how cute it was. I was frozen in shock. This was the first time I disliked having my hair touched like that (a lot of times the Japanese exchange students, mostly girls, ask to touch it and then titter and never had a problem with that). She then asked if I had a cigarette. I told her no I didnt and I went back to looking out the window. After a couple minutes I realized she was continuing to speak to me. She asked me what was I doing tonight?

My first words out of my mouth was “Not you”

I then realized how rude that was but she didnt catch it, or understand it, or even care (maybe she then thought it was a challenge). She then continued to talk to me and occasionally brush her hand against me. Now normally I am a very crude, and forward man. I can dish out insults and I have never had a problem stepping up to the biggest guy if needed. However this girl was freaking me out. Fortunately her stop (at the minimart I used to work at) came and she got off. She muttered something about maybe seeing me later. Then my stop came and I got off the bus and ran home to the wife. This made me definately happy I was married.

That was a definite strange encounter and it just shows me redheads are my bane.

Posted in General Update Internal Thoughts

Typical

Well, here I am venting my frustration about my living situation. First I want to make clear that my roommate Weylin is one of my best friends and one of the best roommates I have had.

However, here is the situation and why I am so frustrated.

When we moved in together we asked Weylin to make sure if he could give us a quarter’s notice (90 days) if he was going to move out. Now that’s more then anyone technically needs to do but with our finances so precariously balanced we need as much notice as possible to make sure everything goes through, Weylin said he was more then happy to do that.

Well Weylin has indicated that October he may move out (although never clearly made that the deadline, he has hummed and hawed about it saying it would be at least October before he moved if not longer). Well I find out three days ago that he may want to move out mid September and was curious if he could only pay half a month’s rent for September.

Now don’t get me wrong its fine if he moves out. But he cant give me a definite answer on when he will move out so now I got to assume he is out September 15th so I don’t spend the money badly. My biggest issue is sure, I can knock half the rent off for him moving out but only half of his monthly payment is rent, the other half is all the other bills (internet, cable, phone, electricity, etc) and I technically should only knock $90 bucks off what he would owe me for leaving early (because the rest of the half’s month of expenses are for bills accrued in August which he was here fully). I will probably knock off the whole half amount because he is a friend but once again when roomates out it smacks me in the ass.

We had planned that if in September if we got enough student loans to live by ourselves we were going to give Weylin at least 3 months notice to move out (and maybe 6 months if he needed it. Yet it seems 90-day notice isn’t reciprocal. I would never dream before this situation of giving less then 3 months notice to whoever lived with us.

The worst part about this is Weylin wont actually come talk to us, we find out they are planning on moving out by reading his girlfriend’s Lisa LJ and then I have to confront him about what’s going on. Not once has he come forward to keep us informed on what’s happening. I realize its probably because he is worried we will be mad, but what makes me mad is I have to approach him about when he is moving, he should be man enough to walk up to us and explain what is going on and not have me approach him about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I still consider Weylin one of my best friends and this doesn’t undercut that at all, I have lived with him before and its all good. I just wish Weylin wouldn’t be so passive about what’s going on.

I do think I might tell Weylin that he needs to move by October 1st, evidently the 90 days notice isn’t a point anymore and maybe its just good to remove all roommate type situations now.

Once again I need to make absolutely clear is that I am more frustrated that Weylin will not actually come out and talk to us on his own about the situation and keep us informed. That is more frustrating then actually quibbling over whether or not he is staying til October 1st.

I guess I am just pissed he wont just talk to us about it, I have to follow him around and try to force the conversation.

Posted in Events Internal Thoughts

Counterstrike Drama

Ok, here is the lowdown. for those of you who didn’t know I run a Counter-Strike clan. Basically its an online video game and I am responsible for about 12 people on a team as we compete against other teams. Well we ended up friends with a clan called PiS, I have always thought overall they were pretty cool but some of them have always been kinda wierd.

Thier leader “Carbon” however tends to get online while drunk, slap people around and treat his server as his own little fiefdom. I like him though so I never bothered to tell him I hated playing on his server because of the following reasons.

1. He has lame ass mods on the server, the stupid ass extra blood actually gets in the way of trying to increase your skills in the game (it makes huge amounts of blood spurt from you if you been shot and seeps through walls and stuff and generally reveals where you are at, and this is never used in a match).

2. Its not-Friendly Fire, which means you cannot hurt your own teammate, once again this is an opposite setting of the leagues we are in so it actually makes us less good at shooting the enemy without hitting our own friends.

3. Many of the admins for PiS are assholes and kick/slap/slay/ban for no apperent reasons

4. The maps are stupid ass custom maps that also dont have anything to do with matches

But I have endured litterely day after day of phone calls from “Carbon” bitching and whining about the server, about the host who rents him the server and about everything in general. Mainly because I like him and I am a nice guy, however everyone else in the house has started to call Carbon my girlfriend because of the frequent calls. However one of my members ranted about the server on our “flames forum” and Carbon freaked out. Now he is all whiney about how I would let someone express thier views and he wants nothing to do with us and he “forbids” his people from hanging out. Exactly where does his ego think he has the ability to tell someone who they can or cant hang out with. Its funny and pathetic at the same time.

Damn I am glad I dont have any whiners like that in my clan.

Sorry I just thought it was funny and I wanted to actually write somewhere why I dont go on thier server (because it sucks) but I didnt want to post it on the forums in an “official capacity” here I can vent and its personal 🙂

besides I wanted to post another day in a row and this was a fun subject.

Posted in Dreams Internal Thoughts

Dream and update

I had an intense all night dream involving me being a “Jeckle and Hyde” type creature (I thought it was a “Hulk” thing at first). I was a murderer when I was a human but when I became the monster I felt remorse and tried to help. There was a lot more to the dream then that but I have been up for about 2 hours and have forgotten most of it. Maybe I will start a second journal just for dreams.

Other then that, things are going well, I am waiting to hear from the mini-mart but I got a feeling the reason they asked me to wait til Monday to find out was that they hired people and they wanted to see if they would work out before they gave me a final answer.

Tommorrow I am going with sage to see Tomb Raider 2 and probably go back to looking for work Wednesday (if I dont get hired today). I also need to call Manpower and bitch at them for not calling me in for temp work.

Overall I dont really need to work, its just nice to have the extra money. There are some things I want to buy for the wife and being broke doesn’t help.

My dad is really pushing I should try webdesign to make money (currently I have helped out several people with thier sites) and maybe he is right. I will think about it.

Other then that I am listening to the wife snore in the other room. She is soo cute, it always has this little birdie sound to it. Sometimes it just amazes me how much I love her, even just sitting and listening to her snore.

well thats it for now. I am starting to post more so you should read more shortly.

Posted in General Update Health Internal Thoughts

Getting old and hurting

Well I have been up since 5am. I had a job interview at 7am so I didnt bother to go back to sleep. I went to the interview with my back hurting like a dickens (limping along the 6 blocks to the mini-mart) I got there at 645am and they saw me immediately.

It looks like it might be a decent job. Its minimum wage with no pay increase and its 15-25 hours a week but they have a slack dress policy. You can wear T-shirts, have huge earrings and as long as your clothes are clean and not holey its all good. They also work around school schedules and were totally upfront in that they dont expect anyone to be “permanent” its a dead end job and everyone knows it. They should be getting back to me today or at latest tommorrow (either if I get it or I don’t).

My back has been hurting bad last two days. I think its partially the chair (its a good sturdy chair but isn’t very “supportive” of my back. Our computer desk is  very high off the ground (high enough I cannot comfortably put my feet on the ground and I am 6’4″ tall). and there is nothing to rest my feet on. I may in the fall after Weylin moves out move my computer to a more normal “chair height”, my only problem is that the wife did such an awesome job of installing the counter top our computers are on that I feel bad moving it. Then again we have had that computer top for almost 3 years and I don’t think its bad to maybe want to change after that long. If wifey wants to keep the counter I could move the server there. Once again this isn’t a final decision but one I am thinking of so I can use normal office chairs instead of the “bar” height chairs.

Today I have to get Weylin to confirm if he is paying September rent or not. Either way its no biggie he is my friend and one of the best roommates we ever had so if he stays thats cool, it means we get a bit more money, if he leaves by September 1st thats good cuz it gives us the house to ourselves which is always good for a relationship. Either way is good but I always for some reason feel bad asking about that. I dont want him to feel pressured either way.

Gaming is going well, we are playing this Saturday some Shadowrun and I have to get everyone to commit to a Blood Bowl night. Not sure whats going on with Matt’s game but we will see.

Well thats about it for now, update some a little later.