This is it, I turned 50 today and I am not sure what to really talk or consider about it.
I can tell you I don’t feel bad, I feel really good. I am in a great marriage of 29 years this year. I am happily working my way through the transition to be who I truly am, and we are financially stable (albeit in eternal debt). All of this is far beyond what I pictured at the age of 20.
I do think I look better now than pretty much any other time of my life. Not necessarily just because of my physical looks in general, but because what I see is more closely aligning with what I feel. That plus I have kept my 100+ pound weight loss off for two years now, I am feeling comfortable letting loose a little, I think I found a good set point.
That is it, no big insights today, just wanted to say I turned 50, my husband spent a wonderful day with me, and I am an incredibly happy woman. Here are some pics of the day of going out to breakfast with my hubby, then getting home and running him a game while our daughter attempted to get his attention for hours 🙂
I haven’t taken myself overly serious in a long long time. Before my transition that was because I just didn’t care anymore, after my transition I think it is because I have found myself and I don’t sweat silly looking things (not to be confused with dysphoria inducing things, that is a different kettle of fish).
My goal overall is to not shy away from the bad as well as to show off nice images of my life. So you will never find me artificially filtering my photos (other than maybe make them black and white, or if I am wearing makeup). I am who I am. Even if I am feeling crushed hard from surgery or something else.
Well it happened finally, on April 21st I went in and had “waist feminization”. This is a fancy way to say I had an Avelar Tummy Tuck due to massive skin left from losing 120+lbs. While the epic Dr. Mangubat was doing that, he liposuctioned all the fat he could and produced 1500ccs of fat he then transferred into my hips/thighs/buttocks. The fat transfer is a once in a lifetime possibility when removing the skin/fat on my abdomen, so I jumped on that.
This would give me a more hourglass shape. Currently I had a very rectangular shape (minus the boobs of course). From the side/back it was a rectangle with no real butt to talk about, no hip or waist. He was redistributing the area to give me a curve in the back and an actual hip/waist. Up until now, the only reason I appeared to have a waist was that apron of skin from weight loss.
Dr. Mangubat and his staff when we got there was AWESOME!!! He sat and talked with me for awhile, we did a little thing for his social media and he then drew out me in dozens of lines that I didn’t understand, and to be honest I am so impressed with plastic surgeons. It is an art of sculpting along with the whole surgery skill aspect.
The surgery went fantastically, but was brutal to get me home. The hubby had to get me into bed by himself and with me being 6’2″ and him being 5’6″ that must have been a funny thing. Although evidently it went way better than FFS 2 last year.
By the end of the first day, I woke up and tottered into the bathroom and saw in a mirror and saw I am bruised, battered AND SWOLLEN like the Michelin Tire person, but you can already see curves and I realize the swelling takes up to six months to go down. I also know that it is natural that your body won’t retain all the fat transferred, and the results should still be close, but may not be nearly what you think. It especially won’t be that size because I went in weighting 221lbs, and came out weighing 248lbs from the Tumescent fluid and inflammation.
Editor’s note, today exactly one week out I am back at 221lbs and swollen still like a mostly michiline tire person. Means I might have actually lost a couple of pounds since I am missing 50+ square inches of skin in my abdomen, not a recommended way to lose weight itself, but I will take it.
I figure I will stop with my post here at the first day, and upload as I can the rest of the recover (still only 1 week out so I have a lot of recovery to do).
Here is my little brother at this tiny amusement park outside Lake Tahoe Nevada when we were homeless back in 1985-1987.
Considering we spent most of the time cold, tired and hungry living in a car. This combined with the anxiety that our family (my parents specifically) had an actual contract out on them for almost a year, meant our childhood was not a normal white kid childhood. This doesn’t even include bikers, violence and lots and lots of cops.
It is nice to see that we got glimpses of normality.
PS. Yes there will be a time I will talk about that more openly, just working my way into being able to talk publicly about the details.
Project Throwback: April 16, 2016
Also a Flashback Friday!!!
It had been a really rough couple of months. My father had passed away on February 11th, and a close friend of the family named Jimbo had just passed away on April 1st.
The hubby had just taken me to Babeland for some shopping, and on our way home he wanted to get me food at Dicks Cheeseburgers (the name is appropriate for having shopped at Babeland). While we were waiting we came across this majestic sight of a goat on a car.
I got a video and a bad picture. I don’t keep random photos often, especially blurry like the photo itself, but how often do you see a goat on a van?
That and the shopping had cheered me up. The hubby was an extra awesome hubby that day.
Here is the hubby before we met (and before he transitioned). Doing the normal 10-year-old thing of trying to impress his parents. God, I love all the pictures of him. I just wish we could have met earlier than 16.
It is uncommon for the hubby to get pictures of me. Especially pictures I am not aware of. Here is one of those, plus a second from same day (but I was aware of that).
The hubby decided on this day to take a couple of pictures of me. Evidently, he couldn’t get enough of my “Magically Delicious” butt with those Lucky Charm pajamas while he was working on his school work (this is before he came out).
He also got a pic of me later in the day getting tattoo work. Of course, this is all four+ years before I started to transition. I ended up losing that weight since then. I have no idea who the woman was though, and it was vaguely uncomfortable that my tattoo artist had her stay to watch. I was pretty dysphoric anyways (no one knew) and I hated who I was.
This picture is closer to what I look like about 18 months ago. I suspect it will look even different in four weeks after my Avelar Tummy Tuck and fat transfer as well next week.
By the way, I still love my tattoos, in fact I love them even more. The left arm tattoo has been filled out and vastly expanded into 1/2 to 2/3 sleeve as well.
Mom and one of her uncles circa 1960 per the back of the picture. She didn’t have a real smile in a lot of her pictures, this is one of the few that it is a real squeal/laugh/smile I have seen her have.
My dad and his grandfather on his grandfather’s porch sometime summer 1955. The puppy is named “Mucho” and is the first Mucho. Makes sense now why the black dog I owned at age 16 in Bellingham in 1987 was named Mucho as well.