10 and 20-year challenge

At the start of the new year, there is always a 10 year (and sometimes 20 years) challenge where people post photos from different time periods. I am starting to really like myself so I thought I would do both of those. In addition, I am going to post my first “almost sexy” pic as a girl online. Ya I am probably just being a teenager here, but I am happy with how I look, so fuck it!


The first picture is of me at the mall just before we went to our first and last poly meetup, it was full of creepy people, including creepy women that wanted to tell me that they had just fucked five guys the night before.

Don’t get me wrong, the five guys thing doesn’t bother me at all. I have no problem with people having sex with as many people as possible. The objection I had was telling me this in her loudest voice at Alfy’s pizza without even introducing herself. I am sure she was trying to get me to realize she was available, but all that did was shrink me down. It was way too crass and way to loud and interrupting of other people.

The second photo is from me about a month ago at the age of 50. It is a normal day look while I work.


The left photo is of course pre-transition at the age of 30. We lived in an apartment on Texas street and this was right before we bought our mobile home. For some reason I have a few naked pics of me (or at least in underwear) from when the husband and I got together, then a couple here 8 years later, and in the last year I took a few just because it was the first time I felt like I looked ok.

That last pic is of me a few weeks ago when I got one of my favorite bras. I would have posted a full-frontal pic but the glare from the lighting hit the picture wrong and it is just a horrible picture, so you get a side pic.

So that is what I looked like 10 years ago and now in normal clothes, and an almost sexy pic from 20 years ago and a few weeks ago. In both, I am pretty stoked about who I am now.

Interesting is not a good way to describe a day.

Yesterday was an interesting day (January 5, 2022), but not in a great way.

Most of the day went great, no concerns at work, the hubby and I are doing awesome and weirdly enough most of our deliveries we thought lost arrived (after they were refunded). I even called back to ask them to cancel the refund for the cat food and they told me don’t worry about it and keep it with no charge. So that was good.

The one “interesting” and frustrating thing is that W’s car got broken into. We suspect I probably left it unlocked, but either way, it got prowled, everything was pulled out of the glove and trunk compartment.

The fortunate thing was all they took was a jump startihjng emergency battery kit we had, about $10 in ones for when we give money to panhandlers/those in need and they rifled the paperwork (can’t find the registration so not sure if they stole it or it got trashed).

No real damage, no real loss, just frustration at the “luxury” apartments we pay too much money for rent has management that won’t let us keep birdfeeders, that has people breaking into cars, and that charges so much for a 560 square foot apartment with washers and dryers from the seventies and electrical that blows a fuse everytime the microwave turns on and our heater is on.

We are stuck in a loop right now apartment wise, we need to pay down our short term debt and we are waiting to see if the government employee program for student loans pans out before we know if we are looking to buy a place, or just saving up until we hit 55 and get a place in a retirement community (I am voting for a retirement park and to own a mobile home again, I really miss our mobile home in Bellingham, not Bellingham itself mind you, just the home.

Either way, this situation will pan out and we may move in August to a nicer apartment until the housing situation settles, but we won’t really know until spring if/when we will get out of here at least.

Just a pic from yesterday

January 4th, 2022

The biggest thing to happen yesterday was for me to hang out with my hubby! Work went well and we got to be near each other while we did our respective job, but the highlight of the day was going on our walk.

The light of my life!

The rest of the day was working on this year’s monitoring assessment (basically the next couple of weeks are me figuring out which agencies I need to monitor/audit and in what order/level of risk). Lots of audit planning in other words.

That being said, I think I am going to leave my report for yesterday to just be me posting my pic of my hubby W.

I love you hubby!

Happy 29th Anniversary My Love

I evidently didn’t hit publish the second time….

I just want to scream from the mountains, trumpet from the clouds, all that jazz, on how much I love my husband. He has meant everything to me through all the years. Both as my spouse and my best friend. While we have been together longer than 29 years, I am grateful to celebrate it with you.

My love forever!!!!


This is it, I turned 50 today and I am not sure what to really talk or consider about it.

The first photo of me in my 50s.

I can tell you I don’t feel bad, I feel really good. I am in a great marriage of 29 years this year. I am happily working my way through the transition to be who I truly am, and we are financially stable (albeit in eternal debt). All of this is far beyond what I pictured at the age of 20.

I do think I look better now than pretty much any other time of my life. Not necessarily just because of my physical looks in general, but because what I see is more closely aligning with what I feel. That plus I have kept my 100+ pound weight loss off for two years now, I am feeling comfortable letting loose a little, I think I found a good set point.

getting ready to head out for breakfast

That is it, no big insights today, just wanted to say I turned 50, my husband spent a wonderful day with me, and I am an incredibly happy woman. Here are some pics of the day of going out to breakfast with my hubby, then getting home and running him a game while our daughter attempted to get his attention for hours 🙂

Funniest Photo of the Surgery (so far)

I haven’t taken myself overly serious in a long long time. Before my transition that was because I just didn’t care anymore, after my transition I think it is because I have found myself and I don’t sweat silly looking things (not to be confused with dysphoria inducing things, that is a different kettle of fish).

My goal overall is to not shy away from the bad as well as to show off nice images of my life. So you will never find me artificially filtering my photos (other than maybe make them black and white, or if I am wearing makeup). I am who I am. Even if I am feeling crushed hard from surgery or something else.

Continue reading “Funniest Photo of the Surgery (so far)”

Day of the Surgery

Well it happened finally, on April 21st I went in and had “waist feminization”. This is a fancy way to say I had an Avelar Tummy Tuck due to massive skin left from losing 120+lbs. While the epic Dr. Mangubat was doing that, he liposuctioned all the fat he could and produced 1500ccs of fat he then transferred into my hips/thighs/buttocks. The fat transfer is a once in a lifetime possibility when removing the skin/fat on my abdomen, so I jumped on that.

Surgery morning, no hormones, no food, just tired

This would give me a more hourglass shape. Currently I had a very rectangular shape (minus the boobs of course). From the side/back it was a rectangle with no real butt to talk about, no hip or waist. He was redistributing the area to give me a curve in the back and an actual hip/waist. Up until now, the only reason I appeared to have a waist was that apron of skin from weight loss.

The hubby waiting patiently, like all the other surgeries.

Dr. Mangubat and his staff when we got there was AWESOME!!! He sat and talked with me for awhile, we did a little thing for his social media and he then drew out me in dozens of lines that I didn’t understand, and to be honest I am so impressed with plastic surgeons. It is an art of sculpting along with the whole surgery skill aspect.

Me, waiting to be marked on.
Looking cute in my “keep warm” cap.

The surgery went fantastically, but was brutal to get me home. The hubby had to get me into bed by himself and with me being 6’2″ and him being 5’6″ that must have been a funny thing. Although evidently it went way better than FFS 2 last year.

Not a pretty image, but I put up my truth here, this wasn’t pretty.
Regaining consciousness
Awake for late dinner, well bread at least.

By the end of the first day, I woke up and tottered into the bathroom and saw in a mirror and saw I am bruised, battered AND SWOLLEN like the Michelin Tire person, but you can already see curves and I realize the swelling takes up to six months to go down. I also know that it is natural that your body won’t retain all the fat transferred, and the results should still be close, but may not be nearly what you think. It especially won’t be that size because I went in weighting 221lbs, and came out weighing 248lbs from the Tumescent fluid and inflammation.

Editor’s note, today exactly one week out I am back at 221lbs and swollen still like a mostly michiline tire person. Means I might have actually lost a couple of pounds since I am missing 50+ square inches of skin in my abdomen, not a recommended way to lose weight itself, but I will take it.

Final selfie of surgery day… savaged but happy.

I figure I will stop with my post here at the first day, and upload as I can the rest of the recover (still only 1 week out so I have a lot of recovery to do).

PT: A Homeless Smile

Project Throwback: April 16, 1986

Derek was a pretty happy kid, I think we all were.

Here is my little brother at this tiny amusement park outside Lake Tahoe Nevada when we were homeless back in 1985-1987.

Considering we spent most of the time cold, tired and hungry living in a car. This combined with the anxiety that our family (my parents specifically) had an actual contract out on them for almost a year, meant our childhood was not a normal white kid childhood. This doesn’t even include bikers, violence and lots and lots of cops.

It is nice to see that we got glimpses of normality.

PS. Yes there will be a time I will talk about that more openly, just working my way into being able to talk publicly about the details.

PT: Strange Goat Times

Project Throwback: April 16, 2016
Also a Flashback Friday!!!

It had been a really rough couple of months. My father had passed away on February 11th, and a close friend of the family named Jimbo had just passed away on April 1st.

The hubby had just taken me to Babeland for some shopping, and on our way home he wanted to get me food at Dicks Cheeseburgers (the name is appropriate for having shopped at Babeland). While we were waiting we came across this majestic sight of a goat on a car.

Not the best picture, but its a goat on a van!

I got a video and a bad picture. I don’t keep random photos often, especially blurry like the photo itself, but how often do you see a goat on a van?

That and the shopping had cheered me up. The hubby was an extra awesome hubby that day.

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