PT: A Nice Lunch

Project Throwback: April 7, 2013

Hubby in 2013 (pretransition) with his health finally recovering.

2013 was a pretty good year for us. On April 7th we were enjoying our lunch at Pho Mai Noodles in Everett. Wolsey’s health was improving (he was going into remission) and he was starting his year of testing being fully female before transitioning (I didn’t know that at the time).

PT: A Quick Stop

Project Throwback: April 6, 1986

Just a quick stop to take pictures on our way back into Lake Tahoe when I was 15… in 1986… damn too young and now too old.

We were homeless, you are looking at my home for 9 months before we downsized to a less fancy car.

PT: 30 Years Today

Just an FYI, Wolsey is ok that in my memories I refer to him as a girl before he transitioned. My writing is a lot more awkward when I tried to change pronouns he used back then. He knows this and is ok with it (like I am ok with him referring to me as a boy before I transitioned).

Today marks the 30th anniversary of the first day my hubby Wolsey and I got together as more than friends and started dating.

After my first major relationship breakup with another woman a couple months before, I had moved into a room at the same house I had met Wolsey years before. This time I was the one living there and not Wolsey. I hadn’t been around Wolsey for several months due to some shit pulled by my ex-girlfriend to Wolsey, indicating to her that I didn’t want to see her (that will be its own post in the future). During this time, I had jumped four or five jobs in the space of a few months and was working in the paint department of Kmart.

March 17th 1991 started out as a normal day for me as I went to work at Kmart. It had been a long day when I got an announcement over the intercom saying there was a phone call for me on line 3. I remember it with clarity.

I pick up the phone and it is Wolsey’s voice. She seemed excited and maybe a little out of breath. All she asked was what time I was off. I was confused and excited. I hadn’t seen Wolsey in months. I had missed her but I figured she was off dating someone and doing her own thing. Her words to me on the phone were, “Don’t go anywhere.” It was a pretty commanding tone and I agreed to wait.

Twenty minutes later I hear stomping boots coming down the aisle and there she was dressed in a leather jacket, facial piercings, a very tiny shirt that revealed her feminine body quite explicitly, a mohawk, makeup, and the cutest purple crinoline skirt. I was getting off work about this time and she came up and hustled me to her truck and took me home.

Picture of Wolsey on right, the prior fall 1990

We spent the next hour and a half talking where we reestablished contact and smoothed over our friendship. Over the next couple of weeks, we talked a lot and she kept showing up at my room. Wolsey was homeless at the time, but that didn’t bother me. I invited her in to my room and let her stay on my single-wide bed. I left out cans of ravioli, with a can opener and a spoon, for her to eat if she was hungry. Wolsey was always hungry and this was the one thing I knew she liked to eat.

On April 6th she showed up in my window while my friend Bryon was visiting. She waited patiently around, but I could tell she was impatient on Bryon leaving. I think at some point Bryon got the clue and made himself scarce.

For the next two hours she told me about a guy that she was really attracted to and wanted to date. To be honest I was absolutely crushed. I had always been in love with her from the first time I met her. She is who I had originally wanted to date, but we could never get our timing right and I do admit I was terrified. I was a horrible person, before I had dated my ex-girlfriend, Wolsey would invite me out to meet her for coffee and I would chicken out and leave her at the Horseshoe Cafe by herself waiting.

I was such a dick.

But now we had started talking and I had started thinking maybe we could work out. I had gotten my first time sleeping with a woman out of the way with my ex-girlfriend and I wasn’t terrified of girls so now I had been hoping maybe things would work out.

I never mentioned how crushed I was. I just was super supportive of her interest in someone. After all she was my best friend, and I knew that more at the time then I had realized before. However she just kept looking at me weird when I was so supportive of it. She realized I didn’t think it was me and then it became a game.

For two hours she poked me and made me try to guess who she wanted to date. I was an idiot and didn’t realize what she meant and assumed it was another guy much cooler then me. Eventually she told me to shut up and said it was me. I was stunned and couldn’t say anything. I think my brain literally shut down for a moment. All I could hear was static and I was sure I had misheard her. There was no way she was interested in someone as uninteresting as me.

Then she kissed me.

We spent the night together, and honestly we have only slept apart since then we we broke up for a several month period after the following Thanksgiving, and after we got back together we have only ever been apart due to surgeries, or travel for work (which has only been in the last 7 years).

So basically I just need to tell my husband that I love him more than anything, and I am really glad he liked the ravioli I set out on the window sill enough to date me :). It has been an awesome 30 years, and I hope we get another 30 years at least.

I LOVE YOU WOLSEY, more than all of the rest of the universe combined.

PT: Flat land, cows and my dad

Project Throwback: April 5, 1956 (?)

One of my dad’s childhood pictures. I believe this was taken in 1956 and was in North Dakota. Unfortunately he isn’t around anymore so I can’t confirm. I think 1956 because he mentioned some sort of trip back to Philadelphia that year (a driving trip).

Unfortunately no real memories for me to talk about. The only thing I can say is I miss him, and I wish he had a better shot at life, but honestly he did pretty well with everything he was dealt with anyways.

PT: Wrapping up my CPA Firm career

Project Throwback: April 4, 2008

By the beginning of April I was closing in on wrapping up my first CPA Firm tax season. I hated the 110 hour weeks, I had taken a job with the state. Unfortunately the pace at the CPA firm had caught up with me. You will notice in my picture sores on my arms and legs, that is from a skin infection that covered about 90% of my body.

My firm was so bad, that even when I was covered in sores (two weeks before this photo) they required me to come in and sit in my cubicle for 110 hours anyways, they just kept any clients from walking in to my oozing holes in my skin. I was scheduled for my last day to be April 18, so this is me 2 weeks before I got my freedom.

Meanwhile the hubby was recovering from being sick, he (she at the time of the pictures) had finally rounded the corner and was starting to put weight back on. He didn’t smile much then, it made me happy when I took these pictures that he was smiling.

Yes there is more than one photo today, that is because I got four photos for same day/same year pop up today, I figured it would be weird not to do it as a unit, so evidently in the future if I have more than one photo from the same day, you will be getting it.

PT: Two Parents and a Grandparent

Project Throwback: April 3, 1973

Two parents and a grandparent

Here you get to see my parents John and Mary, at the ripe old age of 25 and 24 respectively, along with my grandfather Laughlin. Yes he was the one I was named after when I was born (pretransition), yes my name at one time was Laughlin, but funny enough I never, ever went by it. I don’t ever recall my parents calling me Laughlin, it was always Lucky (the nickname of my grandfather in the photo).

I think this was taken in my grandparents house near Green Lake. I only visited there a handful of times (with a lot of stories with my cousins) and that looks like the dining room which was located between the living room (which would be to the left of the picture) and the kitchen and entry way to the bedrooms on the right. Although possibly I could be mistaken since I was not 2 yet when this was taken and I don’t remember their house clearly until I was 8+.

Actually I like this project, already more photos updated since I wanted to do this in 2019. I am learning to crop out a huge open section on their right (making the photo look too lopsided). The only sad thing is many of the photos we had from this time period were all printed on textured photo paper so editing them is harder. Also for adjusting the colors, I am gladly relying on the computer with my color blindness.

PT: Mail Order Husband

On April 2, 2003 I received a very special package in the mail.

Yep, hubby in 2003 (before transition).

Here he is, my awesome husband… ok, this was almost 10 years before he transitioned so he was hiding as my wife at the time. Damn he is good at makeup, took me 22 years (about 10 years after this picture) to see the man he was. Not sure where he hid everything.

The picture reminds me of during that time when we were living in the trailer and the hubby was making his own Lolita dress style in the early 2000s. He had so many awesome dresses and outfits that he created. I am very sure that this is one of the reasons my style is eccentric. Even when we first met when we were both 16/17 I was fixated on women who dressed like that (in a punk/goth/techno/eccentric style). I don’t know if I was attracted to be with them, or to become them. I guess with a lot of luck I got both worlds with my husband.

I love you hubby.

#hubby #wifey #pretransition #ftm #2003 #love #forever #hesewedthat #lolita #transgender #trans #projectthrowback

New Projects Coming

My life is currently packed with transition, work, hubby, YouTube, RPGs and other little things. Somehow though I get scattered and don’t get the other stuff I want done. Mostly the writing/art aspect. I am currently trying to work on writing more, both about my life and creatively. There are a couple of projects that look fairly small that I want to start trying, just to get in the habit.

The first project is a couple of different writing prompt threads in Reddit. Just short story stuff, and I think you will start seeing that pop up here. The second is photo of the day. Basically going to my OSX Photos and have it select a random photo with the same date in my stack. Could be from any year, and do a small description of what was going on, when it was, who it was, etc.

The second project is easier for me, the creative part freaks me out as someone participating in art. I think both though are going to be good options to help push me to write more than just gaming/world history stuff.

The gaming/world history does count as creative writing, absolutely. However it comes in fits and starts, generally following my RPG games. Right now the hubby does have a couple of solo games going on, but the write-ups aren’t everything and I want to do different writing so the RPG stuff isn’t a chore, and is instead part of my hobbies.

I will also be posting those pictures I pull to IG/FB/Twitter with short descriptions, mainly because I have always had this weird need to share my stuff with the world. I guess on the internet it really isn’t a problem with oversharing though is it? I have found though the only way I can get myself to push on projects is to post it online, weird right?

This may slow down my YouTube stuff, but I have been doing that heavily for years so its ok if I lighten up on it. I especially know I have been hitting it heavy when hubby is surprised I have so many videos for him to watch (doesn’t even count the daily war-games on my second video game LP channel). So I don’t mind slowing down a bit on YouTube.

I have some more projects I am going to start up as well over the next couple of months that include visual art (photo/digital art), but I figure two smaller steady writing projects aren’t a bad idea to start with. So you should see my first photo thing starting today, I just have to verify with the hubby that he is ok with pre-transition photos (he has said he is in the past, but I probably should get his permission again since the majority of pictures are probably going to be him).

Once I get final buy off, I should start immediately, possibly even later today).

Strange Meetings (dream)

Last night I had a weird, anxious and intense dream that lasted all night. Probably part of it is anxiety, finally system clear of narcs and any other aid to help sleep or maintain my mood.

Wolsey and I had moved to what looked like Seattle, a large city in a rainy area. We met up with some of the people that lived around there and it turned out a lot of them were people I knew as a teenager in Bellingham. Not any of my closest circle of friends, but all people I interacted with regularly.

Side note – when I was a teenager, I went to five high schools. There was a combination of homelessness, drunken Vietnam Vet/underworld shit along with our family having a contract on our head and the first year of repeated moving was literally due to avoiding having another attack on our family.

If I get brave I might go in-depth about it at some other time. If my childhood was a tv show, it would be a bad “gritty drama” because people would think no way all that shit happened, but it did and it shaped the core of who I am.

I finished off the last two years of high school at Bellingham High School (yes that means I went to four high schools in two years before). I had a couple of friends I considered really close, and it is also when I met hubby. I never fit in with the high school crowd though.

I suspect part of it was that I had grown up in a lot harder position than almost any of them. The other, and probably bigger part, was that I was new to Bellingham, I wasn’t a local and I hadn’t at least lived there in middle school or earlier. Bellingham and all of Whatcom County were extremely insular then. People had lived there for generations and the only real new people in town were usually just going to school at Western Washington University, then they would leave.

It meant the friend’s cliques were already established and I ended up on the outside of all of the established groups that were involved high school-wise. The one advantage though is that I interacted with almost all the groups because of it. I wasn’t considered “the enemy”, just someone that was around school.

I spent most of the night talking with people like Clark and Boris (last names withheld to protect the innocent). We got along in high school, and to be honest, Boris was always really nice to me. For whatever reason, though they had a weirdness about them towards me during our discussion over lunch that time and distance didn’t create.

I didn’t know that reason was at least until I realized that I looked like I do now while I was in the dream and all of these people I haven’t seen since long before I started transition.

The rest of the dream now has faded mostly. I talked with several others and left the area feeling uncomfortable and saddened for an unknown reason.

I was going to post more about the dream, there were some fine details, but I wanted to make sure I was right that it was Clark that was in the dream. So I went onto classmates.com and found I was right.

It is also when I remembered I don’t have a picture in the senior yearbook for 1989. At the time I was too poor to afford a color photographer and they weren’t offering the black and white packages to seniors so they told me I couldn’t get my picture in the yearbook. They also somehow left my name out of it, that is a negative side effect of not being in any group.

That is the end result of joining up in Bellingham High School as a junior and being poor. At the time I wasn’t angry about any of it. We had just avoided dying, being homeless and to be honest I think I was too much of an adult in too many ways (but not in all the ways that you need to be) that I just sort of pushed through it.

I think I am angry now. Not really any one thing that I can define at the moment. I do think it might have gone better if I was able to come out then. Actually it was the 1980s that shit wouldn’t fly so no it wouldn’t have changed anything, just gave it a different taste I suppose.

Oh, and I just found out that Boris is an author/artist and his stuff is still as different as it was in high school. Good for him!

As for anyone reading this, it sort of went tangential and then off the path completely. Sorry about that :).

2021 Project 365 – 01 January

January 2021

A lot more doctors visits, and a lot of Tally

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