Fucked Up

http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/2255.html

An Army Captain was found guilty of killing a wounded Iraqi they mistakenly thought was an insurgent. Now it wasn’t even that the Iraqi was killed accidently in the first salvo. They had stopped the car, killed one person and the wounded Iraqi was laying there bleeding. The Captain walked up, put the pistol to the Iraqi’s head and killed him “because he thought he would die anyways”.

How is that not the same as what we tried the Nazi’s for doing when they would take American prisoners and take them out to just shoot them? The Iraqi could not fight back (hell it wasn’t even an insurgent).

In the end, all the Army did to him was to kick him out of the service, no jail time, no other negative punishment. Considering how “noble and good” we are supposed to be, how is this any better then what Saddam, Hitler, Ho Chi Minh or any of them did.

Fucking hypocrites.

Nasty Dream

Ok, last night I woke up at 2:30 with a terrible dream, terrible enough I had goosebumps and couldnt talk, but when I awoke this morning I don’t remember it.

However I do remember a nasty dream I had as well, this dream is very much TMI, but I need to post it, because I promised myself to start recording all my dreams.

Ok, the dream involved me, Wifey, a girl named Karma and a girl named Muff (Denise). Now this took place current age/date (except I was in a bit better shape and Wifey was her current age but stick thin like back in the gutter punk days, (Karma was also pretty thin, something she wasn’t when I knew her.

To give you a little background all four of us knew each other when we were 16-19, it was almost the same social group (actually more like two social groups that would bump into each other). Karma had offered me sex twice straight up when I was 17, I turned her down both times because she was going out with my best friend (even though he had said it was ok, it wasn’t ok). Muff was a girl I liked but she had too many boyfriends/fucktoys for me to ever really pursue her (although I could have if I wanted). 

On a side note Wifey also went out with my best friend Doug (same guy that was dating Karma earlier), never did approach her then either even though I was really attracted to her even at age 17, but ended up happily married to her, so that’s all good.

Now, the four of us were sitting in a living room like area, just kind of talking and stuff when Wifey looks up and says she wants to give me a blow job (this is not necessarily out of the ordinary, there have been parties or groups we have played publicly in). I looked at her and said “Right here?” she said yes and patted a large sofa like thing. I looked over at Karma and Muff, kind of shrugged and said sure (this is not necessarily out of the ordinary of what has been done in the past in front of friends).

The unusual part was I had a unforeseen issue, a premature firing before she got my pants off all the way (this is extremely out of the ordinary, never ever had this problem, in actuality, I have had the reverse problem where no matter what I couldn’t finish) it caught me off guard but Wifey just joked a bit and it was no big deal.

We are still not at the TMI yet, be warned its coming and you really should avert your eyes from this.

The other two girls were joking around, I got the impression we all had an open friendship (done it in the past, and it usually works well in the beginning until someone outside of me and Wifey gets jealous that we put each other first.

This proceeded fine, when Wifey, Karma, and Muff went into a different room, no biggie and I watched a bit of tv.

A few minutes later I hear the girls yelling for me to come in. So I walk in and Muff, Karma, and a boy I don’t recognize are in the bathtub, no biggie, Wifey is on the side of the tub kind of sitting there (for some reason at this moment I realize she has super blonde hair, love that color on Wifey). I notice though as they motion for me to join them that Muff is taking a big ol’ shit in the bathtub while Karma is trying not to ralph as she eats it (yes gross), meanwhile muff is sucking up some of the scat into her snatch, definately gross.

For some reason at this point I got the image this was specifically being done for purity points, its nasty and one of the few things that I won’t do (done a lot, scat is not really one of my things).

I then look over at Wifey who smiles at me broadly, is obviously done trying to participate but I notice she has a small clump of scat on her chin.

That totally grossed me out and woke me up.

It was a bit funny, I know that scat is something Wifey loathes and wouldn’t do, it struck me as almost funny now that she was even involved. But Karma almost ralphing as she tries and eats Muff’s scat was what really grossed me out, it was that brownish-yellowish kind that was a bit creamy in texture (especially in a half-full bathtub).

Sorry, had to share this with the world. 

It was fucked up, TMI and you probably now wish you hadn’t read that dream I bet.

Tale of the World Turning

Yesterday went well, the game was a little stuttery, a bit stunted but went very well (we had a month off, that always throws the timing off). During game yesterday we had the hot water tank  have issues, that was fun I have to tell you. Looks like we might be spending upwards of $700-800 to replace it.

I called Blythe Plumbing this morning, the only good thing is they will open up an “account” for us if we have a credit card. The advantage of having an account is we can have the plumber come over, fix the water heater and then they will mail us a bill that wont be due for 3-4 weeks as opposed to having to come up with the money all at once.

This is good because we are pretty tight on money, we get our student loans a week from tommorrow so then I can pay it off easily. We also decided to move our living room into our current “game room” and move the game room into the living room. We will have a ton of space now for gaming.

Tonight we have to meet the female halves of two couples who are interested in playing in the Space Game. As always I am a litte nervous meeting new people but this will be great. The game will be a bit bigger then I am comfortable with, but this will make people missing games less of a problem, plus honestly when new people meet our group we always have people who decide they aren’t happy and don’t want to play (or people currently playing that take the opportunity to pull away). 

I just hope the new people are ok with my gaming style, yes there is lots of RP, but also I believe combat does provide a staple of gaming (its like having an action/horror movie, you can have lots of plot, but explosions and gunfire are needed on occaision as well), plus I am always worried that new players don’t like “realistic” style.

My style of gaming consists of this, you pull a gun out there is a chance you will die (there is also a chance if you dont you will still die, but thats a bit rarer). I believe in consequences for in game actions and even though sometimes deaths happen that are my fault, it generally falls within the “there was a better way or the dice just hate you” modes.

I guess between the styles mine is more of a modern approach, you have the old school cowboy movie approach where the good guys (aka the players) can be endangered but will never die or the modern day “Band of Brothers” approach where sometimes even when they do everything right they might die and if they really mess up its pretty guaranteed. I pretty much follow the Band of Brothers approach, this is because as a player I prefer a game that I can possibly die in, whats the point in playing a game you are not in any danger, then the success means alot more if you survive. 

Hell I would love to either run or play in a “survival horror” genre game, even if it means most likely I will lose my character in a couple of sessions. Hey, I will probably run a one or two shot game coming up, maybe I will make it a “survival horror” game.

yes, that sounds interesting.

Frustrations

Well this wasn’t the update I wanted to post, but its funny how things happen so close together.

First let me say I know my family loves me, I love them, but they are by far one of the most dysfunctional groups I have ever known. Lets give you a brief recap of my family before I vent.

Parents: Father is a Vietnam Vet with a long prison/police record for violence(but for the record never sexual/physicall abused us, and the name calling only happend when he was drunk). In my early life he worked constantly and did well, my last 20 years or so he became unfortunately a raging alcoholic who after getting put away for a DUI has been sober (from alcohol) for over 2 years. My mother is a sweetheart, never did anything bad except a constant habit of asking for stuff from me, but thats easily satisfied, she has been a good mother albeit now she has diabetes and had a heart attack last summer (but the doctors were surprised no damage and they dont think she will have any more problems, and this was a serious only 20% live heart attack she had). Unfortunatley my parents have done/sold/excessed every drug known to man.

Sister: Loves me, I know it, has two kids (one feral one not, the not one I am sure will be gay when he is 16). Followed my parents footsteps, is an alcoholic, cant keep a job and really only calls me for help.

Brother: Same as sister except he sometimes shows remarkable clarity and wants to clean his life up, biggest problem is he is a lazy ass who doesn’t like to work.

By the way, in the 17 years I have worked on my own, I have never ever once asked my siblings for a dime, a ride or anything. NOT EVER. (and actually I have loaned my parents money 20 times more then I have ever gotten from them and same with rides/etc). Thats why this is so frustrating.

There is more about the family, but I realized that would take up way too much space.

So this morning I get up super early, my mom asked me to give her a ride over to the Salvation Army so they can pick up a chair, no problems, I don’t mind doing that at all. So I get up super early, call them at the time I am supposed to be there because I have this sinking feeling that they are on a “run” (non alcoholic, but on other things, not meth though). My dad answered the phone and immediately I know they are jagged and not going. He kinda rambles on about not needing me today and I quickly get off the phone because I hate talking to him when he is ramped up. My mom is asleep and she called later, everything is cool. So I got up early for nothing (albeit I have been working on MU’s backend and its going to fucking rock).

Ten minutes later I get a call from my sister. I was surprised and hopeful she just wanted to say hi. I should have known, her first words were, “Can I borrow $20 until tommorrow”. I normally would probably do it, she is good at paying back usually but I am broke. I told her so and she accepted it gracefully but I could tell she didn’t believe I was broke, so this frustrated me even more.

Five minutes after that I get a call from my brother. His first words are “What you doing today?” I explained that I am going to work (and I have a feeling he is going to ask for something). His next words are he needs me to come over and fix his computer. I tell him I would be happy to do that but it might be Saturday before I can come over (tonight when I get home from work I have to spend with wifey since she is off) and I am not sure if I will be able to make it over there later (he constantly nags me to give him things, fix his computer, etc and I just wasn’t sure when I wanted to commit to going over there since thats all he usually wants from me). He has a fit and asks why cant I come over there after work tonight, I try to explain but he is still having a cow. I ask him “are you paying me to do this?” because now I am feeling taken advantage of, and he starts throwing a bigger hissy fit. Now after the previous two phone calls and his fit throwing I lose my temper and say “fix it yourself” and hang up. Of course he calls back, wondering if we are going to work things out I answer and he says “fine I will” and hangs up.

So, all three of my blood-family groups have been fucktards today (although my parents less so – they didn’t say anything or do anything bad, they just didn’t follow through). Why is it the only family around me that doesn’t piss me off is my non-blood family whom I am feeling closer to then my blood.

on a side note, my mom just woke up and called me, my parents don’t intentionally fuck around, just sometimes they get too “involved” in partying and fuck up. Things are good with them, but this is all just so frustrating.

Never have I ever asked my siblings for anything, its that much more frustrating (not a dime, not a ride, nothing)

Another Dream

Well I had dreams that woke me up at 5am again.

It started out with me and the wife running around a half built skyscraper, I dont remember much of this part except we were together (married) like we are now, but it felt more like when the two of us hung out when we were 17. We had just pocketed a couple of beers each from some people and were making our way home.

It was Halloween, and on our way home that night we stopped at this display set out in a park. Wifey decided we should take some of the candles that were lit sitting there, so like teenagers we did it and ran off. We headed up to my parents house (it looked very similar to our “Lombard” street house in Everett, even though I had never known W in Everett). I walked in and found my parents drinking beer (right now they are sober, but growing up they had alcohol problems). In my dream I punched and kicked the walls in anger and then promptly woke right up.

When I woke up I was so upset I sat up, just shaking because I was upset. W woke up and was very comforting, made me lay back down and she held me til I drifted off again about 20 minutes later. Of course I had dreams after that about corpses until I got up at 6:30, but they didnt bother me nearly as much as dreams about my parents on a drunk binge when I was a teenager.

I guess I need to work through some of my teenaged angst (at 33 I guess I am a little late in dealing with issues like these).

Karma is a bitch redux!

Here is the link to the most current story: http://news.bellinghamherald.com/stories/20050205/TopStories/229855.shtml

Here it is in italic

Accused physician faces new charges Sex, theft allegations follow probe into expired flu shots

Mary Lane Gallagher, The Bellingham Herald

The Bellingham doctor accused of giving patients expired flu shots last year now faces new charges of unethical conduct, including unwanted sexual contact with a patient and theft.

Gary McCallum of Barkley Village Family Medical Clinic is also accused of providing negligent care, allowing unlicensed medical practice to take place in his office and poor record-keeping, according to the Medical Quality Assurance Commission.

The commission, which licenses doctors and other health-care providers, added the new charges to those filed last year alleging that amid the flu shot shortage, McCallum and his staff injected patients with vaccine made for the 2003 flu season and was therefore ineffective in 2004.

Some of the new allegations came to light during the investigation of the flu shots, said Donn Moyer, spokesman for the Washington State Department of Health. Others were brought forward as a result of the surrounding publicity last fall, he said.

McCallum referred a call for comment Friday afternoon to his attorney, who could not be reached for comment.

The licensing commission alleges McCallum had sexual contact in July 2001 with a patient who was seven months pregnant and had originally come to the doctor to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

McCallum called the woman at home that night, telling her to come to his office immediately because she had high levels of bacteria that needed to be treated or the baby would be at risk, the commission said. He asked her to come to the office by the back door, according to documents released by the commission.

McCallum allegedly had the patient undress and kneel on the examining table facing away from him, with her head resting on her folded arms so she could not see the object the doctor was using in the vaginal exam. She later went to the hospital to report she was raped, and a labial swab showed sperm was present, the documents say.

The commission also accuses McCallum of several instances of theft between 2000 and 2002, for which he received deferred prosecution, Moyer said. The documents allege McCallum concealed an espresso machine in an empty box in his grocery store shopping cart, left a grocery store with $116 in groceries without paying for them and put a Dictaphone pedal in his backpack at a business supply store.

The commission also charged McCallum with inappropriately treating a patient’s migraine headaches with repeated doses of the highly addictive drug Demerol. And some of McCallum’s staff members administered injections without the proper license to do so, the commission said.

Finally, the commission provided more information about the flu shots McCallum administered to patients last year. Commission records state he and his staff injected 71 people with vaccine he told investigators he had purchased from a clinic in Surrey, B.C., last year. But, the commission said, he took the vaccine doses from the clinic without permission.
The commission will hear McCallum’s case and decide on a punishment if a settlement can’t be reached before that, Moyer said. The commission has the power to impose sanctions or revoke McCallum’s license.

If his license is revoked, he may apply to get it back in 10 years, Moyer said. 

Karma is a bitch!

The doctor I worked for got charged with six more charges. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Here is the link: http://www.king5.com/localnews/stories/NW_020405WABdoctorchargedKC.77cabffc.html

here is what it said for those too lazy to click the link:

    BELLINGHAM, Wash. – A Bellingham doctor, accused of giving out expired flu vaccine, now faces a host of new charges. The Medical Quality Assurance Commission and the State Department of Health have filed the following six new charges against

Dr. Gary McCallum: alleged sexual contact with a patient, providing negligent care to patients, poor record-keeping, aiding and abetting unlicensed practice in his office, providing false information during the investigation, and theft.

Last November, McCallum of the Barkley Village Family Medical Clinic was charged with injecting more than 50 patients with expired flu vaccine. He now has 20 days to respond.</i>

Anxiety Dream

Well I awoke this morning with an anxiety dream. I dreamt I was working in a new Doctors office, I realize my dad has an appointment so I go into his room to  talk with him. I notice the nurse/ma filling out paperwork with the wrong name and info.

I tell the nurse/ma that the info is all wrong, this is my dad. My dad then gets pissed because he had evidently given the wrong info on purpose to get $5,000 worth of drugs or procedures (I didnt really get told what it was for in the dream, thats just my assumption, all they said was “Its worth $5,000” and he cant get it just being him. I woke up anxious and upset with my dad for lying.

This is why I dont need kids, I have two parents that barely can keep things going and I spend my time worrying about them or what they might do.

Actually I think the anxiety is from the weather (tonight it went from snow to stormy rain), plus I ate canned pears right before I went to bed and I am worried about money. Also could be I had no caffiene (tea/coffee/pop/etc) after 11am. I need to make sure I do small amounts later in the afternoon just so I dont start having sleep issues/withdrawal.

Now, on a good note, the last three nights before last night I slept 8 hours at a time on my own (to at least anywhere from 7am to 8:30am in the morning), that has been nice and I am extremely happy with it. I might even be able to go back to sleep now, except I want to fill out the application for the library page and a couple other apps.

On good note me and have both been accepted back to WWU and we are both eligible for finanical aid (although haven’t gotten the award letters yet). So by the end of March I will be back to being a student. WOOOT. 

My clan is doing well we are 3-1, best record ever between CAL (1-1) and OGL (2-0), I have gotten enough help with the server to keep it going another month (YAY) and things are going awesomely well between me and , whom I love very much.

That is all for now, maybe I will go back and nap.

Health

Well its official, I screwed my foot up walking up and down Alabama hill in the snow (we walked from our house to the mexican restuarant beside 7-11 yesterda) although I am tubby I am remarkably sore free except for the top of my right foot and my back (but my back was hurting yesterday before I went so I am sure I slept on it poorly).

I very much need to get in better shape, I need to shave off about 57lbs for me to be happy (drops me to a trim 220 that way). Funny enough I weigh more then certain individuals but they look heavier, but thats because my flab is “stealth flab”. Now I realize everyone will think that 220 isn’t trim, but actually on me thats pretty damn skinny (and I do look boney at 200 so 220 is good).

Now, I do have a plan for this. This week I will be going to the public pool and begin participating in Water Aerobics. I realize thats kinda funny but I still have an unresolved fracture in my left ankle, I never have been able to run very far without it hurting, this way I can do something physical and be balanced in water and not screw my foot up. I also plan on as soon as this snow is over biking more. My bike is finally out and I do enjoy riding bicycles so this will also aid me. My goal is if I can keep up the water aerobics at least three times weekly then in February I will actually go get a membership at BAC and start working out. I just wanted to start at a place I know I will do better (between my rashes from sweating and my ankle, the pool is probably the best place to start). 

Yes I realize five million people have made the same goal, but I have proven to myself as I come up on my one year quitting of pop (I have tried pop a few times and found it not so interesting) and coming up on four months of no coffee shows I can commit to something. I used to never work out and be in excellent shape due to the fact I rode my bike everywhere, thats just what I am going to have to start doing now. 

I am hoping to only be a fat bastard for a short time longer (well 6-9 months). My target weight’s target date is June 1st, thats 142 days to drop the weight, I realize I may not make it, I also realize if I build muscle I may actually not lose the weight, I guess in the end my goal is to just get rid of the flab.

Damn stealth flab.

Decisions

Well after much thought, I decided I am probably going to be switching majors. Since I am going back to WWU I wont be able to get a nursing degree anyways (and it looks like there is no financial aid in that direction for LPN anyways). So, that means I need to look at my WWU options.

I had been going to school for a Computer Science major, however with all the outsourcing, and just the plain fact I dont like generic “coding” I had to rethink my options. I do however very much enjoy working with databases and websites and after talking to Professor Sandvig I think I may go with a Business Adminstration degree with a focus in Management Information Systems. It seems more reliable as far as work goes, plus its more what I am interested in.

Now, normally switching majors in your “senior” year is going to cause problems, however the CS program is so huge at WWU in credits that by me switching I actually wont be taking any longer then I would have staying with CS. My only fear is running out of financial aid before the end.

However I can combat that by working part time to pay for our bills, that way any financial aid we get can go towards either fixing our home or towards savings in case we ever run out of money. Also will be eligible for bigger loans soon, that means worst case scenario just have her take loans out to pay for my part of the schooling.

Either way it will be ok, we are also talking about the possibility of staying at WWU and getting masters (me in business and her in Psychology) that way if we ever wanted to we can just go teach at a community college. Even if I dont get my masters I may decide to get a “teaching certificate” that way I can maybe become a teacher, they have great schedules, contrary to what they say they get paid decent and its a good backup plan if the business world and me dont get along.

that is all for now.