Posted in Internal Thoughts Transition

So angry

I woke up so angry this morning, just furiously angry, that I had to quit the best paying job I had because there are so many people who are hateful bigots.
So motherfucking angry
I want to be clear. I absolutely made the right choice leaving. I have never been happier with myself. I look at myself in the mirror and I even think sometimes I look cute. This is something that has never happened in almost 50 years of being a boy. Before my transition I HATED the way I looked at all times, although I didn’t know why for most of my life. I have shed in the last six months 90+ pounds of weight, without trying, because I was depression eating. I now sometimes enjoy shopping and I want to own things like clothing and to look nice. So the personal changes are good.
As for my job, I work with great people. I don’t mind my actual job duties at all, there is no excusing defense contractors from overcharging millions so there is more job enjoyment. Finally, I like being outside of Seattle. The less traffic is worth it, even with my bigger commute It is a non-financial net win, and I know that. Part of me just tells myself to shut up because my life is good. That being said I still woke up incredibly angry that I had to take an $800 a paycheck pay-cut, and two less pay-checks a year (approximately $30,000 a year pay-cut). After taxes that difference would be able to pay for my FFS within one year without touching a dime of what I make now. In all fairness I am now paying about $1,000 a month less because I don’t live in Seattle, so it isn’t 100% negative financially for the move. I guess I am just really upset I had to change my life because of who I am. I am absolutely happier now than I have ever been. It is 100% worth it. However I just felt very angry this morning I was forced to make those changes to do this. That I couldn’t just be who I was before. I guess I just woke up angry at Trumpian voters and that kind of mindset. Such hateful people.
I am just tired of hateful people, I suspect watching the news with our government and all the issues that are occurring is just making me feel a bit beaten down, or in this case super angry. Although on a positive note I saw an outfit I want… that is still a very new feeling for me.
Posted in Internal Thoughts Opinion

Bailout bullshit

I say here and now that this whole bailout is bullshit its a last desperate gasp of the corrupt administration and rich backers. I have been reading some articles and there are non banking institutions who are claiming money from the government (including Rudy Guiliani’s company wanting money to help with the bailout). 

Not a single middle class American will be helped by this bill. Sure everyone is going to claim it saves our middle class by saving our economic capabilities. That is bullshit, it wont save any mortgages, it will only give the rich more money.  I keep hearing how the market will take care of itself, evidently it wont and that was all bullshit. Does any of the poor or middle class get health insurance, no. Does anyone get help with their mortgages or credit card debt, no. Is there more jobs, no. This is the same trickle down theory that caused this bullshit.

Our best option would be to let everything crash and then rebuild. Yes it would be hard, but maybe what came out of the ashes would not be a house of cards. None of this fixes the inherent problems of wall street or banks, its just a “get out of jail free” card.

I have a feeling I will have a lot more rants about this coming up.

Posted in General Update Internal Thoughts Opinion

Rolling the dice

There are many things wrong with where I work, and from what I am told those wrong things extend to the public accounting profession in general. Its not that they are necessarily doing something illegal (although the example I will talk about later is definitely against the tax code), its just the greed and drive for money that bothers me

A little over a week ago we had a tax class for all the first year tax accountants. It dealt with how to handle mortgage interest, and other Schedule A writeoffs. It is actually a long convoluted story, but I will just shorten it down.  The mortgage interest that is deductible on Schedule A is only from an original home loan (or combination of two homes), and is limited to 1.1 million dollars. Any interest on the value exceeding the 1.1 million dollars is not deductible.

If you get refinanced, a second mortgage, or any other additional loan (such as home equity), that interest is NOT deductible under the Internal Revenue Code. Nor can you claim any deduction on interest exceeding that first 1.1 million dollars. However, our trainer told us that we will in fact make those deductions, no matter what we thought was going on.

I brought up that I noticed several clients were claiming $200,000+ on mortgage interest per year, and not even counting if they were home equity or second mortgages, that total of interest is far beyond the value of 1.1 million dollars worth of homes, so far in excess that there is no way they are only claiming for that value (the most you really should see is about $100,000 and thats only if they get really hosed by the bank). He told me that no firm would check into those numbers, and that I should just set the deductions up. He even admitted that the IRS would have full legal reason to audit and charge fines because it is against the tax codes. Yet he told us we should do it. He said its worth “rolling the dice” against getting an IRS audit.

I did bring up that it sounded like what we were doing goes against the AICPA codes of conduct. He pointed out there is nothing illegal about taking the clients at their word (when obviously they are lying, but as long as we don’t have obvious direct proof it doesn’t matter) and that it was worth it both for the client to risk the audit, and for us to keep these clients, to continue. It all came down to profit for the firm. That was the day I was positive I didn’t want to do public accounting.

Somehow I felt slimy, and wondered if lawyers were above me on the ladder of social mores (there is a lot more to talk about, even worse stories. I will post later about those).

Posted in Events Internal Thoughts

Long Update

I woke up this morning incredibly angry. I don’t mean “in a bad mood”, I am talking a rip-roaring I would like to crush someone’s nose under my fist anger. I do feel much better now, the wife and I went to the mall and got her some shirts, she then got me fed.

I am sure some of my anger comes from no time, finals decompression, and the fact we just got our electricity bill (double what it normally was), it just adds up. Actually I was angry enough that I called up work and cancelled coming in today (and no, I don’t want to run a game or have visitors today either, just not in the head-space to share my world paradigm with anyone but W, I love the rest of you, but we had already planned not to play today so this wont change anything except it will give me a breather from all my responsibilities, game still on 23rd). Mostly I cancelled today with work because there is no way I could handle my manager.

There is a lot of ranting, to save your friends page and to avoid making you have to read my inane ramblings I will cut most of it. I will post about school after I get my grades finalized (and that is another stress factor, how the fuck long does it take to grade a multiple choice test)

I will start with the Xmas Party. The wife and I have both been a little tense about this. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t really fit in with the upper class. I like my coworkers, but there is not very many of them I have any similarities with.

The wife and I started Saturday looking for presents. We are supposed to buy $10 presents each for a blind gift exchange. This was annoying because when I signed up for the Xmas party, I was told there were no gifts required. I don’t have a problem spending $20 total, but honestly we are still pulling ourselves out of the hole, and I hate the consumerish pressure that gets given out at Christmas.

We end up going to the “Lucky Monkey”. It’s downtown, and its a very neat little import/kitchey type of shop. After several minutes of looking for two $10 gifts  we end up getting two identical presents, they were little wooden gift boxes with different types of tops (different designs). In each one we bought a “lucky kitty” statue and a Guatemala Worry Doll to fill up the box.

We leave the house at 5:30pm, the dinner is at some restaurant named “Grammy’s”. We get there at 5:45 (party starts at 6pm). There we met Dr. C and his wife. Dr. C is an awesome older man, his wife is very nice, but I think very aware of her station. We stood around looking scared (wife and I) as more and more people arrived. Soon it was packed with 26+ people, I knew half, the other half were of course the first half’s significant others. The wife and I both still kind of stood around, not really fitting in we were talked to by a few of the workers, and my manager, but not for very long. 

The wait/cook staff actually talked to us quite a bit more, we all discussed the world and how things were going and in short I was pleased with the mingling we did with the staff.Dr. C’s wife seemed a bit put off by the fact that wifey and I did not drink, we asked for non-alcoholic drinks (which the staff happily gave us).

Dinner came (an hour after the party officially started, we were starving). We sat next to P and her husband G (names hidden for their privacy). They are both pretty nice (P is the one who works my M-Th shifts now that I am in class). Her husband works as an engineer for a security firm and they both seem very down to earth. L (a dental assistant), El and her Husband (also a dental assistant sat with us along with Dr. C and his wife).

Dinner was awesome, I take my hat of to Grammy’s. True, Gabe cooks better, it by no means diminishes how well they did. I had a vegetarian alfredo dish with Portabello Mushrooms. It was good (but would have later effects I may or may not go into). Dinner at the table went by relatively smoothly, the wait staff kept checking up specifically on me and W and I think it annoyed Dr. C’s wife that they didn’t ask her nearly as much if things were going ok. Its sad, even though I know in my future as a CPA I will have to go to shindigs like that, I would rather be on the other side of the register (working as part of the staff), I am just not comfortable with the official dinner like proceedings.

Oh I forgot to mention the wife and I never approached the appetizer bar before the dinner, it was surrounded by coworkers/significant others and they wouldn’t let the work staff in to refill the appetizers, it was like they didn’t even notice the work staff. I always wondered if thats how it was (you hear it sometimes in movies and books that the help are “invisible”).

After dinner Dr. C’s wife announced that three of the plates (one at each table) had a note under it saying “Merry Christmas” it meant whoever had it won the christmas center piece at each table (really was looking to me like a Kmart center piece of red and green, although I am sure it came from a upper income store). For some reason at our table no one had a note, so Dr. C’s wife had us all pick numbers.

I ended up winning it, however just as I won it, someone at another table had a second note (the notes were not evenly distributed). I told Dr. C’s wife by all means give the center piece to that person, they won it fair and square. Later El commented how gracious I was, I neglected to tell her I thought the center piece was horrible looking and I didn’t want it to begin with, she didn’t need to know that.

After the meal we were informed that we were to go back to Dr. C’s house. The wifey and I got outside and found it incredibly funny to see all these new cars (Lexus SUV, Mercedes Sedan, brand new Ford Ranger pickup) and then there was our rusted out 1989 GMC pickup. We were amused because we knew out of 13 cars, we had the only one paid outright. Sometimes I just look at the money people spend on “high end” products, I just don’t even understand.

We got to Dr. C’s house and it was huge. It was wired for outdoor music, and literally couldn’t have been smaller then 5,000 square feet (and I am sure it was quite a bit bigger then that). It was on prime beach front property and the inside everything was “Neiman Marcus” style. The only really funny thing was there were pictures of their dog “Buster” everywhere.

Now, during this whole time Dr. C would go out of his way to entertain everyone. Please do not confuse my amazement at the height of consumerism going on to imply that Dr. C was nothing but a very genial host who made sure to talk to us repeatedly and to try and make us feel welcome (Dr. W and his wife also were very very nice, Dr W’s wife was a very down home kind of feeling to her, I like her alot).

Dr. C went out of his way several times during the night to offer me and W something first (refreshment, pie, etc). This was going fine and there were numerous tiny conversations we had with others that will probably get talked about over time. Eventually there was the “gift giving” phase. It consisted of us setting all of the gifts in the middle then drawing random numbers. The idea was, when it was your turn you could select a gift and open it. There were two additional gifts (given by Dr. C’s wife), one was a “very good gift” the other was a “gag” gift. Those gifts could not be opened. A person would select a gift they wanted. The next person in line could then either take the first person (or any previous person’s) gift or take a new one. There were lots of funny moments (the digital tire air pressure gauge was very popular and even though it was taken from W by Dr C’s wife (who didn’t even really want it, she just did it to stir things up) I was able to get it back for her and secure the REI card.

It was a cut throat game though, I didn’t think anyone would really push to get those two “unopened” but I saw no holds barred greed as people kept grabbing for those two gifts. Actually it kind of made me sick, it seemed inappropriate for a “Christmas” party, somehow I think Jesus would not approve.

As the party wound down I talked with Dr. W about what I was doing next week. He mentioned that we were very short on time and things had to be done in 10 work days. I looked at him confused and mentioned that the manager had said it would take much longer. Dr. W’s wife looked unhappy for a brief second that my manager thinks that. I then reassured Dr. W that I would take care of it. for him

This means I may be working a lot of hours next two weeks (although part of me wonders if it wont be that bad).

The wife and I then left, came home whereupon I spent most of the night with my stomach/reflux killing me.

So here I am exhausted, in a bad mood from lack of sleep and unable to do anything but nap.

Posted in Internal Thoughts Opinion

WTF?

I was watching the news. Evidently Bush is passing a tax cut for 70Billion dollars through the House and may pass the Senate today.

The Republicans are touting it as a victory. I am just confused on why we are cutting taxes when the government is spending an ever increasing amount on military and “Homeland Security” so this means the government has to borrow more?

In addition how can any normal person think this is good. Here is the breakdown.

If you make $1,000,000 a year, the tax saves you $43,000
If you make $50,000  it saves you $43

So once again its a tax cut for the rich. They always say that if you cut taxes it allows people to spend more on the economy. I don’t necessarily doubt this, except to say that if you tax cut on the rich, it wont increase the economy as much as if you tax cut $70 Billion off the poor.

The rich already don’t have to spend all their money monthly. There is no guarantee that they will spend all their money on “investing into the economy”. However, if you cut $70 Billion off the poor and middle class (up to 50,000, if you make more then 50,000 your not middle class) then they will end up spending ALL of that money back into the economy, considering they don’t have all this extra money to stash, they need all the money and they need to spend it.

It just seems another “for the rich” issue.

Fuck I really want to move out of this piece of shit country. Sad part is, I actually do love the Country, I fucking hate our rich elite government. However, I am not seeing how any changes are really going to occur, unless its our government bankrupting itself.

Posted in Dreams

Dreams 7-12-2005

I had a horrible nights sleep last night. I think this is partially a bit of worry about my dad, he has to take care of some health things and until I hear the results worries me a bit.

The dream started with me and two other people in a car. We were someplace lonely at night and I noticed two other cars parked by us. One was right beside us with a couple in it and the other was a single guy in a car on the other side of where I sat.

I kept trying to tell the driver of our car we needed to leave, that something bad was going to happen and we needed to leave immediately. Thats when the single guy in the car beside us started mouthing off to us and then he brandished a knife. I kept telling the person driving our vehicle to leave.

All of a sudden the guy mouthing off pulled out a portable power saw that was attached to some sort of arm brace and he turned it on threatening us. I am not sure why but all of a sudden I got out of the car, took the saw-glove out of his hand, put it on mine and then slowly cut his head off. I then turned around to the second car with the couple and drew the saw across the woman’s belly and then plunged it into the guy (taking my time with both)

I woke up sweating and a bit confused.

That was a fucked up dream.

Posted in Opinion

Where are your papers?

Sieg Heil, WHERE ARE YOUR PAPERS?

Yes its happening, we are becoming just like Communist Soviet Union, China, Nazi Germany and many other lovable places.

REAL-ID act passed 100-0 in the Senate and now goes to the president to be signed. This means everyone will be required to get Federal ID so the FBI/Customs/Border Patrol/DEA/ etc can all file away info on you.

This was the reason why when Social Security numbers were made there would be no use of it as Federal ID.

This is bullshit, might as well just give up all our rights to privacy.

http://releases.usnewswire.com/GetRelease.asp?id=47150
http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/05/11/0119205

I am so moving out of this piece of shit country when I get my degree. Fuck them

Yes, they think this will help defend against terrorist, this just proves the terrorist won, they never think they could defeat us, but by causing us to run around, remove the rights they are jealous of, and let us live in fear we now live like they do, thus making us live in the same fear as them.

The terrorists won.

Posted in Opinion

Fucked Up

http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/2255.html

An Army Captain was found guilty of killing a wounded Iraqi they mistakenly thought was an insurgent. Now it wasn’t even that the Iraqi was killed accidently in the first salvo. They had stopped the car, killed one person and the wounded Iraqi was laying there bleeding. The Captain walked up, put the pistol to the Iraqi’s head and killed him “because he thought he would die anyways”.

How is that not the same as what we tried the Nazi’s for doing when they would take American prisoners and take them out to just shoot them? The Iraqi could not fight back (hell it wasn’t even an insurgent).

In the end, all the Army did to him was to kick him out of the service, no jail time, no other negative punishment. Considering how “noble and good” we are supposed to be, how is this any better then what Saddam, Hitler, Ho Chi Minh or any of them did.

Fucking hypocrites.

Posted in General Update

Frustrations

Well this wasn’t the update I wanted to post, but its funny how things happen so close together.

First let me say I know my family loves me, I love them, but they are by far one of the most dysfunctional groups I have ever known. Lets give you a brief recap of my family before I vent.

Parents: Father is a Vietnam Vet with a long prison/police record for violence(but for the record never sexual/physicall abused us, and the name calling only happend when he was drunk). In my early life he worked constantly and did well, my last 20 years or so he became unfortunately a raging alcoholic who after getting put away for a DUI has been sober (from alcohol) for over 2 years. My mother is a sweetheart, never did anything bad except a constant habit of asking for stuff from me, but thats easily satisfied, she has been a good mother albeit now she has diabetes and had a heart attack last summer (but the doctors were surprised no damage and they dont think she will have any more problems, and this was a serious only 20% live heart attack she had). Unfortunatley my parents have done/sold/excessed every drug known to man.

Sister: Loves me, I know it, has two kids (one feral one not, the not one I am sure will be gay when he is 16). Followed my parents footsteps, is an alcoholic, cant keep a job and really only calls me for help.

Brother: Same as sister except he sometimes shows remarkable clarity and wants to clean his life up, biggest problem is he is a lazy ass who doesn’t like to work.

By the way, in the 17 years I have worked on my own, I have never ever once asked my siblings for a dime, a ride or anything. NOT EVER. (and actually I have loaned my parents money 20 times more then I have ever gotten from them and same with rides/etc). Thats why this is so frustrating.

There is more about the family, but I realized that would take up way too much space.

So this morning I get up super early, my mom asked me to give her a ride over to the Salvation Army so they can pick up a chair, no problems, I don’t mind doing that at all. So I get up super early, call them at the time I am supposed to be there because I have this sinking feeling that they are on a “run” (non alcoholic, but on other things, not meth though). My dad answered the phone and immediately I know they are jagged and not going. He kinda rambles on about not needing me today and I quickly get off the phone because I hate talking to him when he is ramped up. My mom is asleep and she called later, everything is cool. So I got up early for nothing (albeit I have been working on MU’s backend and its going to fucking rock).

Ten minutes later I get a call from my sister. I was surprised and hopeful she just wanted to say hi. I should have known, her first words were, “Can I borrow $20 until tommorrow”. I normally would probably do it, she is good at paying back usually but I am broke. I told her so and she accepted it gracefully but I could tell she didn’t believe I was broke, so this frustrated me even more.

Five minutes after that I get a call from my brother. His first words are “What you doing today?” I explained that I am going to work (and I have a feeling he is going to ask for something). His next words are he needs me to come over and fix his computer. I tell him I would be happy to do that but it might be Saturday before I can come over (tonight when I get home from work I have to spend with wifey since she is off) and I am not sure if I will be able to make it over there later (he constantly nags me to give him things, fix his computer, etc and I just wasn’t sure when I wanted to commit to going over there since thats all he usually wants from me). He has a fit and asks why cant I come over there after work tonight, I try to explain but he is still having a cow. I ask him “are you paying me to do this?” because now I am feeling taken advantage of, and he starts throwing a bigger hissy fit. Now after the previous two phone calls and his fit throwing I lose my temper and say “fix it yourself” and hang up. Of course he calls back, wondering if we are going to work things out I answer and he says “fine I will” and hangs up.

So, all three of my blood-family groups have been fucktards today (although my parents less so – they didn’t say anything or do anything bad, they just didn’t follow through). Why is it the only family around me that doesn’t piss me off is my non-blood family whom I am feeling closer to then my blood.

on a side note, my mom just woke up and called me, my parents don’t intentionally fuck around, just sometimes they get too “involved” in partying and fuck up. Things are good with them, but this is all just so frustrating.

Never have I ever asked my siblings for anything, its that much more frustrating (not a dime, not a ride, nothing)