Harassed twice in 15 hours…

It has been a long time since I was out and about in public as often as this last week. I forgot about the dozen microaggressions in each store, and the contrasting supporting smiles I get. This has been the most I have been in public with the new boobs, and the new fat transfer, for over a year and I started out feeling really good about myself… ya over the last two days that sort of ended a little harshly compared to where I started.

On Thursday we decided after work to go to Trader Joes and do a snack run for the weekend. I had a new Henley type top and felt really good. That only lasted about thirty seconds into Trader Joes when I had some old fuck look at me directly and brush across my boobs. Never apologizing and never doing anything but smirking. I have to be honest and say I was shocked at how brazen it was.

It has been awhile since I have been in that situation and honestly I just froze up. All I could do is concentrate on breathing and trying to get back with Wolsey (we had been separated) while avoiding anyone else that might brush up or touch me. The sad part was during the whole time I was angry at myself for not responding angrily at the man, especially when he would stare at me as he walked by with his wife several times in the store. Before the pandemic I would have said something to him, flipped him off or got Wolsey immediately. All I did though was just hope it went away.

By the time we got out of the store the hubby asked me what was wrong and why was I holding my hands in a weird way in front of myself. To be honest I didn’t realize I was doing that, and immediately tried to put my hands away. I wasn’t sure if I should tell him, I didn’t want him to be upset. Eventually he coaxed me into telling him and he was angry and reassuring. Angry at the asshole, reassuring to me and asked if I wanted him to go back, I told him no and that I just wanted to keep going. He completely respected me and we moved on.

We finished shopping at Winco, got some Subway and went home. The hubby was so incredibly nice to me. I am pretty fortunate that he is trans, I know a lot of cis guys were never through this experience and don’t understand (I was like that somewhat before I transitioned). He calmed me down and life was much better.

This is me in the car waiting for hubby (in the window behind me) comes back with Subway! I was feeling pretty rough about it.

Remarkably about 14 hours later (about 8am) we had just gotten out of my brain MRI (good news, I don’t have a brain tumor!) and went to Denny’s before we had to go to other appointments. We entered Denny’s and I felt pretty good about myself, but we were seated next to what I am sure was a MAGA fuck. As we walked over I watched as he took pictures of me (I feel like I looked pretty good, I was a bit exhausted and disheveled from the MRI).

Wolsey saw this and we both looked at each other as we sat down. The guy who was less than 3 feet from us on the connected booth literally plugged his phone in the socket on the area between where Wolsey and him sat and began videoing me. The hubby immediately shifted where he sat and blocked it off mostly, and I shifted so he couldn’t get a good shot. I realize my t-shirt probably showed off my boobs pretty well (not visible below) but I looked tired, crappy and vulnerable. The hubby and I both believe that is what attracts these assholes, the vulnerability is what they can sense.

I was not feeling it with asshole taking my picture.

Wolsey asked if I wanted him to approach the guy. I had considered losing my shit on the guy, I considered having the hubby do it, but to be honest I was fucking tired and just wanted my breakfast. I could tell my social armor is worn down and I haven’t gotten practice with it lately, this happened before the pandemic quite a bit, but I had gotten accustomed to it (no one should have to, but it is a survival mechanism).

If you notice the guy behind Wolsey has just laid his phone down and he was sighing in frustration. He didn’t catch we were blocking it at first.

The funny thing was listening to the guy talk on his phone and tell people he didn’t have their money but he would next Friday… it was hilarious. In addition Wolsey didn’t confront the guy (doing as I asked) but he did make several awesomely world class snide remarks and observations about the guy loud enough the guy could hear it, but when the guy looked over at Wolsey, noticed all of his tats he evidently decided he wasn’t that offended and stopped videoing me. He did take a couple of those awkward angled photos when I came out of the bathroom but by then I was feeling a little better and I think whatever weakness he sensed was fading and he eventually stopped.

There is asshole behind hubby trying to explain why he can’t pay someone he owes money to.

The problem I am having now (and it sucks but it is a good sign that occasionally my boobs fool men for a short time) is that I now get harassed sexually for looking feminine, and for being trans. Sometimes it is for being feminine (especially big boobs) that turns to transphobic when they make the realization

Life is still great, but sometimes it is rougher having to deal with people. Especially people in person. This is the biggest reason I have hesitated in dating (yes we are poly for those that don’t know), I am unfamiliar with how to traverse dating, let alone dating as a woman, and especially with the additional transgender subject.

I am so glad I have my hubby. ❤

Not so good dream.

Woke up a few minutes ago from a horrible dream. It was some sort of desert island we were on and we were sort of enjoying ourselves. Myself, the wife, and others I know. It was a little like Lost. We kept finding good food all over the island (which wasn’t very big, as in maybe about the size of my apartment (it was bigger, the area we lived and hid in was apartment sized).

Eventually someone came over and they started mocking and then threatening us. I eventually had to stop hiding and I came out. A fight broke out and I beat him very badly, and I couldn’t stop myself. I kept kicking on his head until his bottom jaw basically became so shattered you couldn’t tell it was his jaw. He kept struggling and laughing and I started doing similar things to the rest of his body (and like most dreams, or even reality, when I hit him, it never felt like I hit him hard enough to damage him even though it was crushing parts of his body). I didn’t want to do this at all so I eventually woke myself up throwing myself around on the bed.

Thats when I realized I had thrashed so much I had scrapped off a huge chunk of the scab on my arm. It was actually bleeding some. This wasn’t a “picked at” wound, it was me scrapping it across the bed and tearing a huge chunk out of it. I got up, put some peroxide on it then dried it off. Now I just put some antibiotic cream on it and a band aid since I am hoping it wont get reinfected now.

Damn only asleep 90 minutes and I fuck myself up.

Another Dream

I ended up having a second dream last night. Not nearly as bad as my first.

I was in my early 20’s, as was  hubby. We both looked different, she was a bit darker in skin ( I am thinking Hispanic, but now that I am awake I am not so sure). We were together and in just as much love as we are now. We were with several friends and something horrible happened that resulted in several of the friends dying. After the event, I couldn’t really remember what it was (in the dream).

After that   wouldn’t really talk to me. She cried occasionally, refusing to talk to me most of the time and instead was pretty quiet. A little later she decided to party a bit, in a self-destructive way, and began to try harder drugs (I didn’t), and during these times she would actually pay attention to me. We would have incredible sex, and incredibly deep bonding conversations.

During her forays into partying she started playing around with another young girl. During one of these really hardcore parties the other girl saw me and decided to have an encounter with the two of us. She ended up tattooing my legs with needles she had (some pretty designs). After the intimate moments she seemed almost as sad as Sage and never really focused on me until the next party. They would both occasionally talk with me, but only in passing and only in a one sided in a sad way.

Later in the dream I had realized I could sometimes move things without touching them. As a side note most of the dream took place in a carnival, there were lots of scenes of me watching Sage and this other girl wander around sadly.

One morning I began looking for the younger girl and I realized that the girl had been kidnapped. I chased down her kidnapper and her to some place near the arctic. He was holding a gun to her head and I was able to move his arm (I was pretty angry in the dream) and used my ability to have him start shooting himself, starting with his other arm in two spots, each leg and finally in the head. She seemed incredibly surprised to see me.

Somehow we ended up back at the carnival, with me hooking her up with another young guy. Once again I didn’t do it directly, I got the impression I set up small incidents for them to run into each other.

The dream ended with me following   around, she was still sad, but we occaisionally would be together when it was quiet, sometimes it involved her using drugs, and every once in awhile just when she woke up


When I woke up from this dream, it dawned on me that I had been dead in the dream, ever since the incident, and thats why they couldn’t normally see me.

Holy Sixth Sense Batman. It wasn’t too bad a dream though.

Disappointing Work Update

I will make this pretty quick. There has been two rather disappointing things that have occurred this week. I do dislike the job, and I have already gone on ad nauseum about the other issues.

1. Monday I was given back an extended return. Basically earlier this month we had thrown together numbers for the return to be sent in with the extension. Not a big deal at all. I got it back and was told to ensure that the personal business showed no profit. Basically report all income, but only enough expenses to offset that income to zero. This is technically legal, althouh the IRS hates when people don’t report all their losses. So I turned to my boss and asked if he was sure. The losses were close to $300,000 and who doesn’t want at least carryover for the next year? He said no, don’t report any losses. “We don’t want the IRS to look at him closely, because of the sale we did last year.”. Now, there is nothing technically illegal about what we are doing, however it somehow bothers the ethical socialist in me. Why are we worried about IRS interest? I mean if everything is legit, this should give him some benefit over the next few years. It left me a little discontented, but its somethin I have to do.

2. The second issue is even more frustrating. I was originally told when I was hired that we would be going to 4 10 hour shifts in May. That is still the case, however we are still going to have to check email, voicemail, and check in 2-3 times each Friday. In addition we cannot take Fridays off where there is a deadline, or if a client is coming in (which is about 30% of the time). If there is a holiday (such as Memorial Day), we will only get 8 hours of credit, not 10 for the day taken off and we will have to make up the 2 hours on another day. There were about four other small bullet points on restrictions for 4 10 hour shifts. Its disappointing and I think for the most part I am just going to keep the 5 8 hour days (although on a good note I get to wear jeans/t-shirt on those Fridays).

Just relaying some of the disappointments.

Long Update

I woke up this morning incredibly angry. I don’t mean “in a bad mood”, I am talking a rip-roaring I would like to crush someone’s nose under my fist anger. I do feel much better now, the wife and I went to the mall and got her some shirts, she then got me fed.

I am sure some of my anger comes from no time, finals decompression, and the fact we just got our electricity bill (double what it normally was), it just adds up. Actually I was angry enough that I called up work and cancelled coming in today (and no, I don’t want to run a game or have visitors today either, just not in the head-space to share my world paradigm with anyone but W, I love the rest of you, but we had already planned not to play today so this wont change anything except it will give me a breather from all my responsibilities, game still on 23rd). Mostly I cancelled today with work because there is no way I could handle my manager.

There is a lot of ranting, to save your friends page and to avoid making you have to read my inane ramblings I will cut most of it. I will post about school after I get my grades finalized (and that is another stress factor, how the fuck long does it take to grade a multiple choice test)

I will start with the Xmas Party. The wife and I have both been a little tense about this. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t really fit in with the upper class. I like my coworkers, but there is not very many of them I have any similarities with.

The wife and I started Saturday looking for presents. We are supposed to buy $10 presents each for a blind gift exchange. This was annoying because when I signed up for the Xmas party, I was told there were no gifts required. I don’t have a problem spending $20 total, but honestly we are still pulling ourselves out of the hole, and I hate the consumerish pressure that gets given out at Christmas.

We end up going to the “Lucky Monkey”. It’s downtown, and its a very neat little import/kitchey type of shop. After several minutes of looking for two $10 gifts  we end up getting two identical presents, they were little wooden gift boxes with different types of tops (different designs). In each one we bought a “lucky kitty” statue and a Guatemala Worry Doll to fill up the box.

We leave the house at 5:30pm, the dinner is at some restaurant named “Grammy’s”. We get there at 5:45 (party starts at 6pm). There we met Dr. C and his wife. Dr. C is an awesome older man, his wife is very nice, but I think very aware of her station. We stood around looking scared (wife and I) as more and more people arrived. Soon it was packed with 26+ people, I knew half, the other half were of course the first half’s significant others. The wife and I both still kind of stood around, not really fitting in we were talked to by a few of the workers, and my manager, but not for very long. 

The wait/cook staff actually talked to us quite a bit more, we all discussed the world and how things were going and in short I was pleased with the mingling we did with the staff.Dr. C’s wife seemed a bit put off by the fact that wifey and I did not drink, we asked for non-alcoholic drinks (which the staff happily gave us).

Dinner came (an hour after the party officially started, we were starving). We sat next to P and her husband G (names hidden for their privacy). They are both pretty nice (P is the one who works my M-Th shifts now that I am in class). Her husband works as an engineer for a security firm and they both seem very down to earth. L (a dental assistant), El and her Husband (also a dental assistant sat with us along with Dr. C and his wife).

Dinner was awesome, I take my hat of to Grammy’s. True, Gabe cooks better, it by no means diminishes how well they did. I had a vegetarian alfredo dish with Portabello Mushrooms. It was good (but would have later effects I may or may not go into). Dinner at the table went by relatively smoothly, the wait staff kept checking up specifically on me and W and I think it annoyed Dr. C’s wife that they didn’t ask her nearly as much if things were going ok. Its sad, even though I know in my future as a CPA I will have to go to shindigs like that, I would rather be on the other side of the register (working as part of the staff), I am just not comfortable with the official dinner like proceedings.

Oh I forgot to mention the wife and I never approached the appetizer bar before the dinner, it was surrounded by coworkers/significant others and they wouldn’t let the work staff in to refill the appetizers, it was like they didn’t even notice the work staff. I always wondered if thats how it was (you hear it sometimes in movies and books that the help are “invisible”).

After dinner Dr. C’s wife announced that three of the plates (one at each table) had a note under it saying “Merry Christmas” it meant whoever had it won the christmas center piece at each table (really was looking to me like a Kmart center piece of red and green, although I am sure it came from a upper income store). For some reason at our table no one had a note, so Dr. C’s wife had us all pick numbers.

I ended up winning it, however just as I won it, someone at another table had a second note (the notes were not evenly distributed). I told Dr. C’s wife by all means give the center piece to that person, they won it fair and square. Later El commented how gracious I was, I neglected to tell her I thought the center piece was horrible looking and I didn’t want it to begin with, she didn’t need to know that.

After the meal we were informed that we were to go back to Dr. C’s house. The wifey and I got outside and found it incredibly funny to see all these new cars (Lexus SUV, Mercedes Sedan, brand new Ford Ranger pickup) and then there was our rusted out 1989 GMC pickup. We were amused because we knew out of 13 cars, we had the only one paid outright. Sometimes I just look at the money people spend on “high end” products, I just don’t even understand.

We got to Dr. C’s house and it was huge. It was wired for outdoor music, and literally couldn’t have been smaller then 5,000 square feet (and I am sure it was quite a bit bigger then that). It was on prime beach front property and the inside everything was “Neiman Marcus” style. The only really funny thing was there were pictures of their dog “Buster” everywhere.

Now, during this whole time Dr. C would go out of his way to entertain everyone. Please do not confuse my amazement at the height of consumerism going on to imply that Dr. C was nothing but a very genial host who made sure to talk to us repeatedly and to try and make us feel welcome (Dr. W and his wife also were very very nice, Dr W’s wife was a very down home kind of feeling to her, I like her alot).

Dr. C went out of his way several times during the night to offer me and W something first (refreshment, pie, etc). This was going fine and there were numerous tiny conversations we had with others that will probably get talked about over time. Eventually there was the “gift giving” phase. It consisted of us setting all of the gifts in the middle then drawing random numbers. The idea was, when it was your turn you could select a gift and open it. There were two additional gifts (given by Dr. C’s wife), one was a “very good gift” the other was a “gag” gift. Those gifts could not be opened. A person would select a gift they wanted. The next person in line could then either take the first person (or any previous person’s) gift or take a new one. There were lots of funny moments (the digital tire air pressure gauge was very popular and even though it was taken from W by Dr C’s wife (who didn’t even really want it, she just did it to stir things up) I was able to get it back for her and secure the REI card.

It was a cut throat game though, I didn’t think anyone would really push to get those two “unopened” but I saw no holds barred greed as people kept grabbing for those two gifts. Actually it kind of made me sick, it seemed inappropriate for a “Christmas” party, somehow I think Jesus would not approve.

As the party wound down I talked with Dr. W about what I was doing next week. He mentioned that we were very short on time and things had to be done in 10 work days. I looked at him confused and mentioned that the manager had said it would take much longer. Dr. W’s wife looked unhappy for a brief second that my manager thinks that. I then reassured Dr. W that I would take care of it. for him

This means I may be working a lot of hours next two weeks (although part of me wonders if it wont be that bad).

The wife and I then left, came home whereupon I spent most of the night with my stomach/reflux killing me.

So here I am exhausted, in a bad mood from lack of sleep and unable to do anything but nap.

Dreams 11-5-06

All last night I had a single long dream that began when I fell asleep and continued til I woke up at 6:30. I don’t remember some aspects (actually a lot of it) in the last 30 minutes since I woke up. I needed to take some time before I wrote it down because the ending of the dream really kind of freaked me out.

The short of it was that everyone I know was involved. It started like Ocean’s 11 or any other big organized theft. We were all involved in stealing something important, which we successfully did. For some reason a short time later we all decided to rip off a grocery store the same way. Just before we did it I told everyone to abort and I walked away from that (something was wrong). The strange part is that by the time this part of the dream was occuring it was almost like we were playing a table top game. I mean we were doing these acts with our hands, but it would be like we would declare what we were doing and then do it.

The only difference with my real life friends and family (and almost all of you that I know in real life was involved) was the fact that W seemed different. It was her, but she wasn’t actually human, just looked it (and I was ok with that). Well by the end of the dream W, my sister and some large creature were in our bedroom from the old Alabama apartment that W. and I shared before we got married.

It started when W.and I were sitting there talking. All of a sudden she looked up at me and said she loved me and she was sorry it had to happen, and that she would see me again. All of a sudden she sat down on the floor (it was wooden, not carpeted like it was in real life) on a sheet and then all of a sudden she started bleeding from wounds all over her body, while she was bleeding out she wrapped the sheet around her (much like a burial shroud). I was stunned for a moment then I see my sister step into the room and some sort of large creature with huge claws behind her. For some reason I know this creature did this to her and I stand up saying I am going to kill it. 

My sister steps in front of me and tells me she can’t let me hurt “him”. I pull my hand out of my pocket, point it like a gun (much like as kids we would make our hands into little guns) and I distinctly say “bang, bang, bang, bang” at my sister. I then point my finger at the creature, declare loudly “bang bang bang” and then I loudly declare like I was doing a table top game that I was going to chew through its neck until its head came off. 

I then look down (I didn’t see anything happen) and the whole front of my shirt is covered in blood, blood dripping out of my mouth and chin and I see the creature headless. I then notice my sister dying, her breaths coming pretty shallow from four bullet holes in her. I was pretty distraught, I apologized to her but told her I would have done it again if she got in the way of avenging W.

I then woke up feeling pretty shitty my wife died and I had killed my sister (whom I love very very much). This last part of the dream is what really made me forget the majority of the dream before the incident. 

It was kind of fucked up.

Dreams 11-06-06

I had more dreams again last night, I know they spanned across the whole night but can only remember chunks.

The first part had me over on Meridian street by the furniture stores. I had just gotten off a bus and was super pissed about something.the Wife was stomping off with a female friend (we probably had an arguement, its kind of dim right on what happened) and I just unbuttoned the white button up shirt and started walking home.

The second part took place outside our house. Evidently we were living at a ranch or farm type house. I was still pissed about something (it was I believe the same dream, but it was later last night) andthe Wife and I could hear a car/truck outside of our property. There was a large solid wall around our property so we had to walk up to the front driveway. Thats when we noticed three people messing around near a car. There was a younger male (probably early 20’s), a younger female in her late 20’s, and a redheaded older male, with a bushy mustache in his late 30’s or a bit older.

They had teeth clippings and tail clippings from our horses. I walked up demanding to know what the fuck they were doing. They just kind of smile at me threateningly and declare they were checking on the conditions of “their” horses (implying they were going to take them). I knocked the mane hair out of the woman’s hands and stepped up to the older male, grabbed the small bag of teeth clippings (much like hoof clippings, don’t know how my dream interpreted it as teeth) and threw it out of his hands.

The older male all of a sudden got threatening, and pulled out a pistol pointing it atthe Wife telling me to watch what I was doing or I would regret it. He then went to put it away and I flipped out because he had threatened the wifey. I knocked it out of his hands (there was a definite look of surprise from the guy) and I kicked him squarely between the legs and then as he dropped to his knees kicked him in the face. While he was sprawled out I turned and before the girl could do anything I punched her a couple of times, she dropped and I boot partied on her for a few seconds. 

The third (younger) guy had left (or at this stage of the dream not sure if my dream even considered him there to begin with). I turned around and went back up to the older man. I had noticed I hadn’t yelled or screamed at him yet. As I walked up he was starting to apologize and saying to take it out on him and leave the girl alone. I just flipped out and started kicking his head and jaw. I was also starting to scream at him, telling him I was going to fuck him up bad for threatening my wife. After a few minutes I stopped and he was trying to apologize for pointing the gun atthe Wife. He then said not to punish the girl but to take it out on him.

I kicked him a few times more in the chest (I didn’t want to give him lasting brain damage beyond what might have happened the first couple of kicks, after those I aimed at the lower face/jaw). I then leaned real close and told him how if I was going to take this out on him I would fuck the girl up with my boots and he would have to live for the rest of his life knowing he caused her so much pain trying to be tough.

At this point is when I woke up, part of me was bothered that I would even threaten that. I have no doubt if someone threatened a friend/family, most especially if they threatenedthe Wife that I would do exactly what I did in my dream by beating the crap out of someone and not caring about what the police might do. I think I was bothered even more with the idea that if the girl was involved in threatening my wife I may follow through on that last part.

I am normally a nice guy. Only two or three times in my life have I flipped like that.

Once when I was 16 and I was hit full on in the face with a baseball bat (this is why a large chunk of my teeth have issues), I took the baseball from the guy and beat him with it til he wouldn’t/couldn’t get up.

Once when we were in the graveyard at age 19/20 and I just started kicking the guy down a hill that was fucking with gravestones and being threatening (although that time was somewhat funny, I was standing on my left leg with my right leg sticking straight out and I hopped at the guy kicking him down the hill).

A couple of times Weylin saved people when I was wasted and they were trying to score withthe Wife, thanks yoggi-bear.

Most recent time was when the Wife, myself and were walking outside of bellis fair a couple of years ago and an Arabic man in a volkswagon bus with Canadian license plate, zoomed by us as we crossed the road. He was screaming, yelling and I flipped him off and told him to fuck off or suck my dick or something insulting (I don’t remember what specifically now). He spun his bus around the parking lot and parked behind us about 20 feet. He continued to scream at us.

I continued to find this funny and would yell back and then his tone changed so I paid a bit more attention and he pulled his hand out like it was a pistol and aimed it atthe Wife and make shooting motions. That flipped me out and I walked up to his van and poked him in the forehead with my finger asking him what the fuck he was doing. The absolute look of surprise on his face, that I walked up to him and did that now is increadibly funny. At the time I really really really wanted to haul him out of that van and beat him until he couldn’t move. The only thing that kept me only poking him in the forehead hard with my finger wasthe Wife screaming at me not to do anything that would make me go to jail. Part of me was hoping he would pull a real weapon, but I did realize I wasn’t justified in doing anything else (and probably wasn’t justified in poking him in the head, but he was threatening my wife).

I stepped away as my wife’s wise words kept me on a much needed leash (thanks wifey, I really do mean that). He just stared at me like I was a crazy man and he drove off and we continued on our way.

I think the dream bothered me so much because if circumstances in my later teen/ early twenty life had been different I might have followed a not so nice path in life. Sometimes I get so angry and I just shove it inside and smile at people, I am terrified of someday losing it on someone though and doing what I did in the dream to someone in real life. I don’t think those circumstances would be easy to come by, but the possibility worries me

PS. I do realize this is all probably because of last week’s midterms and tomorrow’s midterms.

Dreams 10-14-06

I had a some dreams last night. I think it was actually the same dream continued after I woke up.

The first one had me walking down railroad avenue. From Holly street towards the bus station (on the Bagelry side). I was coming down there to visit the wife. She worked at some bagelry/wild garlic like place in the Cellophane Square store (was no longer a music store, purely a large hole in the wall restaurant). The front part of the restuarant was wide open, a few tables that I walked past towards where there was a group of people. I could see as I walked towards her. I then noticed an old friend of mine named Doug was there. I walked up to him and extended my hand when all of a sudden he it me in the face (more of a slap/hit, then a real punch). I was stunned for a moment, then I picked him up and threw in through a table and started beating his face.

Thats where that dream stopped. I didn’t know why he did that, but I thought it had to do something with the Wife. I think there was a second dream right after this that did more explaining but I don’t remember now.

The next dream had us walking down Holly St. (all the way at the bottom, walking back up where video extreme is/was). and I were just chatting away when we noticed people running towards us. It was more that they were running from something, there were screams and some fell while I could hear sirens in the background. There was no gun shots, but for some reason we ended up hiding in a old store and something kept poking people, making them die. I think it was some sort of blade thing that people kept accidently touching and then dying and/or shifting because they touched. When I woke up I had a much clearer idea of what it was (and why we were hiding) but of course the important details like that have slipped out of my memory now that I have woken up enough to come out to the computer and post it. All I know is it was another “end of the world” type scenario (probably because I watched Jericho last night on DVR).

Quasi Weird Dream

I dreamt I was in an accounting class (much like the ones I have taken last couple of quarters). Strange thing was, it was in the old Bellingham High School (not the redone new version). With cracked pipes, ceiling falling in, old wooden desks and drafty windows.

The girl behind me was freaking out because we were expected to know Chapter 11 from the previous quarter, but we had never covered it. I kept trying to explain it to her but she wouldn’t listen to me.

So I left class, there was some interchange with other students and I went downstairs with Sage to meet up with ‘s mom. Who turned out in the dream to not be a pasty white woman with many neurosis, rather it was a rather large black woman, who was much thinner then she used to be. She was very proud of her weight loss and soon they were going to fix her myopic eyesite (she wore huge binocular like glasses).

We got in the car and started heading down Iowa, it was snowing and she was all over the road (I have a feeling she really couldn’t see) but I still trusted her driving. We got almost all the way down Iowa, then his mom crashed the car because of an oncoming rush of people, hitting a little old lady weighing maybe 40lbs in her wheelchair.

I ran outside of the car and saw she was pretty skeletal. At this exact point a brief thought crossed my mind that she couldn’t be living (and I have a feeling at this point my dream could really have gone awry with living dead). Rather the little old lady looked up and asked me to help, that they were picking on her.

I picked the little old lady (she wasn’t quite as skeletal) and moved back in the direction of where the gaggle of old people (they turned out to all be old people). Evidently a group of young punks were picking on them (probably 15-22 years old). There were about 12 or 15 of the little punks and I waded in and kicked them out, I was also telling W to call the cops. Most scattered (I was super pissed at them, while holding the little old lady). 

One of the younger ones walked up and tried talking shit. For some reason I knew he was Marshall King’s little brother (but thinking about it, at his age he would have to be Marshall’s kid, but strangely enough he looked like Rob, an old friend Jay’s little brother). Some words were exchanged and eventually he backed down. I then began walking towards the hospital with the little old lady still in my arms, crying because they picked on her.

God I woke up pissed this morning (and way earlier then I have been waking up this week (about 7:15 or so)>


I was watching the news. Evidently Bush is passing a tax cut for 70Billion dollars through the House and may pass the Senate today.

The Republicans are touting it as a victory. I am just confused on why we are cutting taxes when the government is spending an ever increasing amount on military and “Homeland Security” so this means the government has to borrow more?

In addition how can any normal person think this is good. Here is the breakdown.

If you make $1,000,000 a year, the tax saves you $43,000
If you make $50,000  it saves you $43

So once again its a tax cut for the rich. They always say that if you cut taxes it allows people to spend more on the economy. I don’t necessarily doubt this, except to say that if you tax cut on the rich, it wont increase the economy as much as if you tax cut $70 Billion off the poor.

The rich already don’t have to spend all their money monthly. There is no guarantee that they will spend all their money on “investing into the economy”. However, if you cut $70 Billion off the poor and middle class (up to 50,000, if you make more then 50,000 your not middle class) then they will end up spending ALL of that money back into the economy, considering they don’t have all this extra money to stash, they need all the money and they need to spend it.

It just seems another “for the rich” issue.

Fuck I really want to move out of this piece of shit country. Sad part is, I actually do love the Country, I fucking hate our rich elite government. However, I am not seeing how any changes are really going to occur, unless its our government bankrupting itself.