Dreams: Grumpy old Auditor

Last night I woke up to a bizarre dream that had been happening on and off. I am not fully awake so I apologize if this is choppy, but it’s better to get my dream out than wait to wake up all the way.

It started by me being with a large group of auditors, I can’t tell you how I know that, it just felt like that. We were in a library or something like an old bookstore. A lot of books on the shelves, but we were not working. I was some sort of supervisor or lead auditor. We were almost military, at the very least some sort of Department of Defense auditing situation (but not my actual job at the DoD).

I realized this wasn’t at an audit site, and we technically weren’t working either, which the small part of me that recognized this was a dream was confused by. It was everyone’s off time yet we were all together and I was watching over what felt like “my little ducklings”. It felt very much like when I would watch an old ex-marine coworker who would travel with us, count everybody every time we entered or left a room to just make sure everyone was there. Someone who stepped in to guide the ducklings

While we were there, I noticed there were arguments and the normal fucking around occurring. That kind of banter from people that are around each other most of their days. After some talking the scenery shifted and we ended up in a restaurant. People kept coming to meet to fix things and I can’t being grumpy and tired, but I tried to be kind to them and help.

The dream flipped and we were inside some sort of theater. In a setup of steep stadium seating type situation, we were up towards the top and in the back. There were maybe 20 or so auditors, and I felt like all of them were much younger. It really did have that dual feeling of new soldiers and an old sergeant, mixed with a bunch of young auditors with an old grumpy auditor watching over it.

We were talking and the group was being rowdy. There was no movie at the time, and the upper area had a set of sinks, garbage and almost a rec area. No one else was in the theater (not sure if movie or live action theater). Whatever was about to play was starting and I told everyone to be good and I crawled over to a couple of chairs and settled down to take a nap.

I was awakened once by a younger female auditor who was trying to be too chummy and I directed her back to her seat with a snap of my finger (for some reason it reminded me of my hubby’s RPG character and the maidens that sometimes followed him around). I wasn’t going to broke any more nonsense from them.

I was then awoken by a bunch of the younger people because there was some sort of commotion going on at the sink. I got up grumbling and most of the auditors scattered from me when they heard my voice. I walked over and yelled at one of the auditors go sit down and found the other person they were arguing with was my little brother who was inside the sink cupboards. Somehow I knew he had been part of the group at the restaurant and library as well (but I didn’t remember seeing him earlier in the dream).

We had to pull him out of the plumbing and he was still trying to argue with the auditor. Some reason my brother was supposed to be there, maybe he was another auditor but I couldn’t be sure. When he got out I yelled at both of them for being loud fuckwits and interrupting my nap.

The other auditor went and sat down, my brother bitched at me a little about me being a jerk about it but I dismissed it and sent him over to another seat. Most of the auditors seemed to divide up and sit around either my brother or the one he was arguing with. I then went to sit back down mumbling, when a cute little auditor girl sat next time, started talking to me. All I wanted to do was take a nap and as I turned to say something to her, I woke up annoyed at my brother.

Obviously I am processing both stress and my brother. This is the first Christmas in awhile that he hasn’t called with something going on. Definitely not like last year when he was in Las Vegas and everything was melting down as he had a broken foot, in a wheel chair with no money and on some sort of run, it really sucked.

Dreams: Old Warehouse

The dream is mostly fading away, but it involved me wandering through an old abandoned warehouse or large supermarket (I am sure this is directly linked to watching one of my LPs with hubby in Last of Us 2 when exploring the abandoned supermarket). I don’t think I was any younger during this dream, I think I was like I am now (my almost 50-year-old girl self).

The hubby was with me, along with some other friends. It was an old burned-out place and we were looking for something. Eventually, we ended up back at a circle in the warehouse and we were all talking. As it went around the circle a little boy tried to describe his Minecraft adventures, explaining he had made or was trying to make (it all blurs) a video game let’s play.

Continue reading “Dreams: Old Warehouse”

Horrific baby killing dreams.

I am not sure why, but last night my sleep sucked I ended up waking up at 4am.

I had a brief dream that consisted of me being in a group of people. My little brother came running up to me (he was 2 or 3 at the time, wearing his light blue footie pajamas). Someone threatened us that if he moved again they would kill him. I realized I was with those people.

He then ran around again, after all he was only two. To prevent the person from harming him I picked him up and set him on his belly and pretended to stomp on him. I didn’t actually impact him, I was just trying to fake hurting him so the other person wouldn’t. I then picked him up and set him on his back. He wasn’t moving, his lips were swollen from being pushed into the floor and I thought he was dead. The thing was I didn’t even touch him with my foot anymore than I would have when I played with him, I nudge my cat with my foot harder than I touched my brother in the dream. I woke up terrified I had just killed my two year old brother.

It sucked as a dream and it sucked I woke up so early. Today is going to doubly suck.

Dreams 7-29-18

Last night I had a dream that really kind of bothered me.

It was in an old house my parents had rented when I was a kid, on Iron Street. There were some differences, mainly my parents were the same age they are now (as was I), there were flourescent lights behind plexiglass advertisements on the corner of the wall/ceiling and my parents were sitting there being a bit spacey.

A younger brunette with a very alternative look was there as well. She introduced herself to me, but something bothered me when she did so (and I cannot seem to remember her name). She followed me around my parents house while I got some coffee and lunch. I noticed some weird plastic cap thingees in the sink. 

The dark haired girl with the peircings and chopped up tee-shirt kept coming on to me (no it was not a representation of the wife), she was in the corner of my dream house somewhere and I knew it). She even went so far as to push her ass up against me every chance she got. But I continued to ignore her.

I went back out into the living room, just as I was doing that, my little brother Bear was shooting up drugs (heroin). I freaked out on him and he said my parents were doing it as well. It dawned on me that they were nodding out and I immediately understood the plastic thingees were needle caps.

I freaked out, went into the living room and confronted my parents. They said that yes, they are doing it. I found out it was from the dark haired alternative girl that they started and it was too late for them to now quit. 

I immediately woke up. Its not that my parents haven’t tried all drugs (they have), but they have never been fond of forcing drugs into your veins directly. I also realize this dream most likely because my aunt Ines had a heart attack last week (sounds even more severe then my mother’s two years ago). She lived a life of a junkie, not my parents sometimes doing drugs or drinking, but a full blown, sticking needles in her arm with her daughter (my cousin) Sarah.

I worry about my mom. She is the youngest of them (Ines is 59, my mom 57, and the oldest aunt Ardis is 62 I believe). My mom is likely to be hurt and cry if something happens to Ines. Sadly enough Ines never really acted like she cared about my mom (most junkies don’t/can’t care about others while fucked up) and never really contacted my mom, after her big heart attack. So I honestly don’t feel emotional at all about my middle aunt having a heart attack. Of course I don’t want to see her die, but selfishly that is mostly so I don’t have to see my mom suffer.

Well, that is it for now, exhausted, maybe I can get back to sleep.

Dreams 6-15-2006

Last night was the night of weird dreams. I only really remember one.

A very large group of us went to an old abandoned movie theater, they were doing a one shot “slasher” flick. Pretty much everyone I know was there, including my little brother, but no Wife. 
We sat down in this musty, mildewy theater to watch a very traditional like slasher. There were four or five girls there who acted as Theater helpers, bringing food and stuff. One of the girls was incredibly fat, but as the movie ended I realized she had a bubble of slime on her side (as if her skin was putrefying), she wasn’t dead or anything, she said it was an infection.
For some reason I still had a pair of green Nitrile gloves from work (they  are some fancy new rubber gloves I get to wear at work that protect from the epoxys/chemicals, they look exactly like disposable gloves, except green). When the movie was over the phone rang. The theater room was just like any theater you sit in, except at the top area (where you walk in) is a concession stand right there, with a couple of couches, sort of like a one room theater instead of a foyer, then a room).
I answered the phone and the person on the other end told me we had won a trip to the next filming of the next slasher movie. We were given a choice of three locations (they were making three movies), one was on an island, another up in the woods and he only mumbled the third. The whole group (including everyone in my BT game except wifey) and the additional people were clamoring for the island. Something was bothering me though and I didn’t like the situation.
For some reason I decided to leave separate from everyone else. I went out the back door while everyone else went out the front door (looked like we were on Samish Way). They wandered down the street talking. I stopped just under the eaves of the theater roof and looked back. For some reason I went back inside and heard the fat chick talking on her cell phone that “it was successful”. She was really starting to ooze. At this exact moment I was thirsty and for some reason looked in the fridge at the concession stand to see if they had any cans of coke or pepsi. Inside I saw three shelves of “cakes”. They looked exactly like skinny/tiny cheerleaders, three to a baking sheet with no arms/legs (they weren’t full size people, it looked like a normal size full baking sheet with miniature people). The fat chick smiled and told me they were cakes. Something in me said they weren’t and I smiled at her and backed away.
I stepped back out the door and I noticed it was raining. I looked at my gloved hands and noticed there was slime running off of them. For some reason I was extremely worried about that slime and put it under the runoff from the roof to clean off the gloves. I double checked the rest of my body to make sure the slime never touched my body.
I then stepped around the corner of the theater and towards the road. It was a small road that intersected with Samish way. There were three cars at the stop sign (third one was just coming down the hill to the stop, the other two were already stopped). The first car had a young japanese male driving with a dust face mask covering his nose and mouth. He drove out into Samish, as he pulled out a Semi hit him coming down Samish, rolling over the middle of his car and crushing it beneath its weight.
The second car disappeared from view as I watched the third car come to a stop. It was an old man driving, for some reason there was no front windshield. He was watching me as he stopped. The car slowly (as in slow motion) stopped, and flipped over its front end, much like a bicycle does when someone hits the front brake. The entire time he was watching me as the top of the car hit the ground and slowly crushed him, gore flying everywhere.
I crossed the street, ignoring what was happening. For some reason I knew if I stopped I would be the next to die. Across the little street (parallel to Samish) was a gas station. I crossed by the pumps and just as I got past I saw what looked to be a go-cart looking thing made to resemble an SUV crash into the gas pump, the look of horror on the younger girl (probably 17) as the gas pump exploded, her skin slowly erupted into flames, as her face started to melt off. The worst part was her screaming.
Thats when I woke up.

Frustrations

Well this wasn’t the update I wanted to post, but its funny how things happen so close together.

First let me say I know my family loves me, I love them, but they are by far one of the most dysfunctional groups I have ever known. Lets give you a brief recap of my family before I vent.

Parents: Father is a Vietnam Vet with a long prison/police record for violence(but for the record never sexual/physicall abused us, and the name calling only happend when he was drunk). In my early life he worked constantly and did well, my last 20 years or so he became unfortunately a raging alcoholic who after getting put away for a DUI has been sober (from alcohol) for over 2 years. My mother is a sweetheart, never did anything bad except a constant habit of asking for stuff from me, but thats easily satisfied, she has been a good mother albeit now she has diabetes and had a heart attack last summer (but the doctors were surprised no damage and they dont think she will have any more problems, and this was a serious only 20% live heart attack she had). Unfortunatley my parents have done/sold/excessed every drug known to man.

Sister: Loves me, I know it, has two kids (one feral one not, the not one I am sure will be gay when he is 16). Followed my parents footsteps, is an alcoholic, cant keep a job and really only calls me for help.

Brother: Same as sister except he sometimes shows remarkable clarity and wants to clean his life up, biggest problem is he is a lazy ass who doesn’t like to work.

By the way, in the 17 years I have worked on my own, I have never ever once asked my siblings for a dime, a ride or anything. NOT EVER. (and actually I have loaned my parents money 20 times more then I have ever gotten from them and same with rides/etc). Thats why this is so frustrating.

There is more about the family, but I realized that would take up way too much space.

So this morning I get up super early, my mom asked me to give her a ride over to the Salvation Army so they can pick up a chair, no problems, I don’t mind doing that at all. So I get up super early, call them at the time I am supposed to be there because I have this sinking feeling that they are on a “run” (non alcoholic, but on other things, not meth though). My dad answered the phone and immediately I know they are jagged and not going. He kinda rambles on about not needing me today and I quickly get off the phone because I hate talking to him when he is ramped up. My mom is asleep and she called later, everything is cool. So I got up early for nothing (albeit I have been working on MU’s backend and its going to fucking rock).

Ten minutes later I get a call from my sister. I was surprised and hopeful she just wanted to say hi. I should have known, her first words were, “Can I borrow $20 until tommorrow”. I normally would probably do it, she is good at paying back usually but I am broke. I told her so and she accepted it gracefully but I could tell she didn’t believe I was broke, so this frustrated me even more.

Five minutes after that I get a call from my brother. His first words are “What you doing today?” I explained that I am going to work (and I have a feeling he is going to ask for something). His next words are he needs me to come over and fix his computer. I tell him I would be happy to do that but it might be Saturday before I can come over (tonight when I get home from work I have to spend with wifey since she is off) and I am not sure if I will be able to make it over there later (he constantly nags me to give him things, fix his computer, etc and I just wasn’t sure when I wanted to commit to going over there since thats all he usually wants from me). He has a fit and asks why cant I come over there after work tonight, I try to explain but he is still having a cow. I ask him “are you paying me to do this?” because now I am feeling taken advantage of, and he starts throwing a bigger hissy fit. Now after the previous two phone calls and his fit throwing I lose my temper and say “fix it yourself” and hang up. Of course he calls back, wondering if we are going to work things out I answer and he says “fine I will” and hangs up.

So, all three of my blood-family groups have been fucktards today (although my parents less so – they didn’t say anything or do anything bad, they just didn’t follow through). Why is it the only family around me that doesn’t piss me off is my non-blood family whom I am feeling closer to then my blood.

on a side note, my mom just woke up and called me, my parents don’t intentionally fuck around, just sometimes they get too “involved” in partying and fuck up. Things are good with them, but this is all just so frustrating.

Never have I ever asked my siblings for anything, its that much more frustrating (not a dime, not a ride, nothing)

Anxiety, Insomnia and a Weird day.

Well here it is, 4am and I have just woke up with an anxiety attack/weird dreams. Even though its about other things I am sure the anxiety attack/waking up/insomnia is because its awfully warm, because my caffiene addiction hasn’t been satiated and because I am worried about my grades.

I had a weird day yesterday. Woke up from weird dreams, got up and puttered around the house with a food hangover and waited for my sister to show up to pick up the mattress. Of course she was  late but this was expected. She showed up with my little brother Derek and we commenced trying to move the queen size mattress into my sister’s van.

It was rather like keystone cops, the rain was pouring down, gusts of wind up to 45mph (not joking) and it took us over 20 minutes to get it into the van, in the end I got stuck between the seat and the van but managed to after some time slip out of the seat. Fortunately the spouse was laughing too much to remember to get the camera until it was over.

So we traveled down to my parent’s neighbor (who we are taking the mattress to for free just to get it out of my house). We spend another ten minutes wiggling it out of the van with much carnage and in the wind and rain we finally got it to our neighbor’s porch. Right in front of our neighbor’s porch is an extremely smooth area, my feet being wet made it a slippery ride and I ended up twisting my ankle (still hurts too).

Upon completion we went over to my parents for awhile, ankle hurting, cold, wet and rainy. Being a non-smoker of course all the smoke in the room came to me and  my allergies kicked up. Then me and  Derek decided to go see Gothika, we have my sister drop me and him off at the “mall” area (not an actual indoor mall, just where the theater, foodstore, rite-aid were). After going to the grocery store,  picking up snacks we went and bought tickets and waited in the lobby of the theater. We were told that the room wasn’t ready yet and we waited, by the time the movie was supposed to start we had heard the movie place workers talking about blood, someone bleeding, they had called the cops, etc. It seemed like something was going down.

About 10 minutes later as many people waited to go see the movie in the lobby they decided to cancel the movie. I was pretty unhappy due to the fact we had spent over an hour total waiting for the movie, we would have to wait another 30 minutes for the bus and then another 30 minute bus ride. What a waste of a day. We would have just gone to a later showing but we had a CS match that evening (last night, which we won by the way).

So fast forward us at the bus stop, we had been there over 15 minutes in the howling rain/wind. Then along comes two drunks. a drunk white guy and his Indian woman. So drunk off thier ass they could barely walk (and when they got to the bus stop they just reeked of alcohol and were drinking some Steel Reserve, nasty. Then I looked down and noticed the guy was bleeding like a stuck pig from his hand, I am not talking a little blood, seriously his white shoes were almost a solid red across the top of them.

He refused to listen to his wife/girlfriend about covering the cut and he just tossed a large white set of tissues that were crimson over most of the tissues themselves. I asked them if they had been to the theater and they smiled and said yes, they went and saw Gothika earlier in the day. So here was the reason I had wasted almost an hour before the “Movie” and now another hour after the movie due to its being cancelled.

The bus arrived, Derek told the bus driver that the guy behind us was drunk and bleeding. She refused to let him on board and told him he needed to take care of a bleeding injury like that because it was a bio-hazard. I shit you not, he was still bleeding like a stuck pig (drinking alcohol tends to make you bleed more, guess he had a lot of alcohol).

Well eventually he and his girlfriend left but the bus driver had to stay where she was while she cleaned up all the blood he had leaked on the front entrance to the bus (the hand rail, the steps, the door). So she was almost  15 minutes late getting back on route because of the same asshole that made me not see my movie. And people wonder why I dont drink.

Well later that night we played Counter-Strike as our first match known as the Bad News Bears (first 5v5 match at least) we won and that was good.

Then Derek (who was staying the night) found out my sister did have his money she borrowed but he had to go out to her, so he had to leave (and couldnt spend the night because of it) because my sister wont necessarily have the money if he waits. So it screws our plans up to see the movie. A perfect ending for a weird day full of disaster “Bradley Style”.

You will notice that my post has become very short at the end of the last two paragraphs. Thats because I am now exhausted and am going back to bed and seeing if I can sleep a couple of hours.

Update

Well, here it is early monday morning. My little brother stayed over last night and slept on the couch (ok little is a misnomer, he is 9 years younger then me – but that still makes him 22- and he is only slightly shorter then me and his shoulders are half again wider, lol the word little is so cute for him).

Yesterday we went to amtguard, that was a lot of fun except now my ankle and knee hurts like a bitch. Weirdly enough they hurt more today then they did yesterday, I really hope I didn’t screw it up again. If it continues to hurt (the ankle specifically) I will need to go back into the doctors. The  problem being is my left ankle has an unresolved fracture from when I was 14, basically that means that when I broke one of my ankle bones when I was 14, it never healed. I am glad I found out about my ankle because I always felt like such a wuss when I would go jogging or fall on it or whatever and it would just hurt.

Also I am feeling much less stressed now with my school changes, I got a lot of emails from my clan members about renewing MU and I think will do that. I dont have the money to support the server but several members have volunteered to help and if they are willing to put in that much commitment I am willing to helm the massive ship known as Miskatonic University (name of our clan for CS).

I think I wont invite anyone over today, I think I have been neglecting my little wifey-poo, maybe I will just make it a me and her day because we know everyone will be over for buffy tommorrow.

On a happier note, I have been able to spend a lot more time with my little brother, he tends to be the only other one in my family who doesn’t get sucked into wierd “drug” deals/alcholism etc, and me and the wife are really trying to provide as much other entertainment for him so he doesnt follow the path of my parents and sister. Its wierd as I was growing up my friends thought I had the coolest parents because they partied (basically my family are all bikers), dont get me wrong I do think they were great parents but the aspect my friends liked was the one aspect I hated. LOL its funny now but it wasn’t back then.

Well I better get ready for school, talk later.