Miracle medical journey… or how I feel like I was kicked in the balls

One of the items about my wife and I’s relationship change is the possibility of children with another partner (from me, not her). I do not want children at all. I am turning 41 soon and I don’t want to be 60 or older going to my child’s graduation. My wife’s health and family pressures right now wouldn’t handle a child to the mix. Since this is an actual worry if I hooked up with someone else I felt I have a responsibility to ensure there are no accidents. So after talking for awhile I decided my most logical option is to get fixed.

So about two months ago I set up an appointment with Group Health to get fixed. It would require an initial appointment with the surgeon, then the actual date of the surgery. Of course, contrary to what people say about American healthcare, I had to wait almost two months to see someone. Eventually I was able to see my doctor, for sake of this journal let’s call her Doctor S.

The wife and I both went to this appointment (her feedback for this and opinion matter just as much as mine). We sat with Doctor S for about twenty minutes. Doctor S seemed unsure about giving me the procedure, especially since I don’t have kids. She kept pushing the fact that I might want children later. I in turn pushed back that I am almost 41 years old and I am happy not having kids. I haven’t felt any regret about children at all. Finally the wife convinced the Doctor to stop pushing for no-vasectomy. She did this by explaining to the doctor that the wife couldn’t afford to get accidently pregnant due to her medical condition. It is partially true, a hormone fluctuation like that could be devastating to the wife, of course she left out the part that she has been fixed since she was 22.

Once the doctor agreed to do the procedure, they set me up for the actual operation. It was three and a half weeks later (which was last Thursday). I have been a little stressed about this for several reasons, mostly the idea of a knife and my testicles doesn’t go well for me.

The day of the procedure I found I had put the wrong time of the appointment down. The wife and I ended up at the Group Health facility at 9am only to discover my appointment was at 2:30pm. I had already taken the valium (and was a little loopy). The office was nice, prescribed me a second valium for when I came back in and we went home. I should note here the wife was awesome. She drove me there and back and she hates driving. I felt so bad that she had done that.

We got the script, and waited around until Torie showed up (she was going to come over after the original procedure to be there for us). She ended up being here before the actual procedure and she agreed to take us down (the wife hates driving and after taking a second valium I was way too loopy).

We drove down and I was brought in fairly quickly. There was a medical assistant that I will name J. J took me back into my room. She was probably the most unfriendly of all MA’s I have met before. She really didn’t have much small talk and sort of ignored me. She had me climb on the table while Doc S came in the room. J disappeared for most of the procedure.

Now, they said there would be just mild discomfort. You know what…. THEY LIED!!!!. S gave me the lidocaine and I suspect she didn’t wait long enough. There wasn’t any actual pain as if she was cutting me open, but she ranked my balls harder then I have never had happen before. I thought I was going to cry. I could feel her cauterizing the tubes (it was a bizarre pressure, not actual pain, but the longer she kept the cauterizing on the more it was uncomfortable).

By the time she ended the procedure on my left testicle, I was really wondering if this was a mistake. She began on the right testicle, and there was very very little discomfort. This is why I suspect she didn’t wait long enough on the first testicle. The second one was mildly uncomfortable, but nothing bad.

S wrapped up. I watched as she took the tubing from inside my testicle and put it in sample jars. I hadn’t realized that the vas deferens (see wiki link here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vas_deferens) looks like rice a roni. It was strange, and just underlines how our bodies are machinery. I guess they keep the vas deferens to prove that they actually did it. I suppose its to protect them against lawsuits if they grow back.

S smiled at me (she had been warmer during the procedure then during our first visit) and said that J would be in to help clean me up. Mainly all of the iodine that had been used had coated my crotch (there was actually very little blood). So S left and J came in. All J did was toss some towels at me and drop off my script. She then rushed me out of the procedure room (I only had about a minute to try and wipe myself down).

I then limped my way out the procedure room, by myself to my waiting wife and Torie. The wife was wondering why the hell the nurse/MA hadn’t escorted me out as I was having trouble walking.

They then got me home (after a quick Dairy Queen stop) and I have spent the rest of the weekend moving around slowly. I am feeling fairly good and I have no regret for this procedure. I just wish that the medical group was more compassionate.

At least within the next couple of months, if something unexpected happens, I won’t have to worry about pregnancy (just STI’s).

Weird

Had a few strange dreams involving heresyoftruth and I have two small children. They kept rubbing their faces against ours much like our cat. I don’t normally want kids, and I don’t want them now, but there was a little meloncholy when I woke up. I do however miss my wife, even though she is asleep in the next room. I do wish we worked together, I do miss that.

In other news we lost two player characters yesterday, one to decapitation to werewolf. Unfortunately that character was overconfident and “on the edge” and he ran into a room to get a view of where his elementals were starting to fight (so he could regain control of one). Unfortunately in the room next door was a werewolf who wasn’t hit by the gunfire from the group’s Citymaster.  Just as Hot Hand Nick had yelled that the room was clear, the werewolf lept into the room, swung and rolled a crtical hit, neck strike and off came Hot Hand Nick’s head.

A little bit later now that the elementals were free (actually one was free hunting Deimos, with two elementals being its slave, and a third was free attacking the group will nilly). Abrahms, the other character was lost when elementals attacked inside a citymaster, while two others were fighting she bailed out and into the arms of the third who was going to try and roll the citymaster over. Thinking about it, it was very “monster movie” like, when the group is being attacked and one of the characters tries to sneak off from the group to avoid death and walks right into something else (like Burke from Aliens, who bailed when the Marines had a firefight but walked right into an alien that killed him). I don’t think I could have planned that, it is almost up there with Franklin’s character being killed while Andrea was looking the other direction.

The Doc on the other hand was pretty much the reason Deimos lived, he managed to hold off the Hellhound elemental long enough (and hurt it enough) until the fire suppression syste kicked in. Both Ginsu and Mary, the group phys-ads, tried hard to find things to kill, but kept not being in the right place, until the were-bear was caught, then there was plenty of sword action along with exploding Dane grenades (and exploding Dane, but not quite dead). Mace and Narf mostly were in the tunnel while everything happened.

The sad part is the run was actually fairly easy, the fubar with the elementals is what made it deadly. I will probably post a more complete run listing, but figured I needed to tell this part, 9 went in, 7 came out, and I have a feeling if the group didn’t have alchemy in use it would have been less.

Tired

Once again 4am I was awake with nightmares, after about an hour and the wife getting up and punching me for waking up I finally fell back to sleep. Of course I woke up at 7am again with another nightmare, its kinda bizarre though. They aren’t “bloody chainsaw death” type nightmares, rather just dreams of my friends and family passing away.

I think its probably the stress and anxiety causing this considering no one I know who I dreamt about dying will probably die for another 20 years at least if not longer. I think its just upcoming school, living situation changing, work (gave notice) and overall stress, not eating well and not going to sleep at a decent time. Oh and not enough caffiene, that always gets me.

I also wonder if its because I am working through not ever having kids. I have been reading some webstuff about couples who decide not to have kids and I think I am working through all the dogma I have ever heard about not having kids. The biggest dogma crap thing I hear about is how if you dont have kids you will die alone.

Well since the wife worked in a nursing home I have heard stories on how “respectful” children can be, mostly by asking if they can take thier parents off life support so they can just get it over with (it didnt sound like they were concerned about pain and suffering of thier parent, rather they wanted to inherit stuff before all the money was gone). Or worse yet, I have seen many older people put in nursing homes and then forgotten by thier kids. It seems to me such a horrible waste for kids to do that to thier parents but it looks like even if you have kids you still may die alone, or even worse, die with them saying nasty things and hoping you will die.

I guess its not so bad to not have kids, besides we are going to be the rich and crazy uncle/aunt for our nieces and nephews. LOL buying thier love with exotic trinkets, spoil them rotten and send them home. Plus there is a possible daughter I have out there but the mother never let me verify it when we broke up :(.

I guess I am just in a melancholy mood, I hate feeling alone.