While I do like to post about some of my negative thoughts/feelings/experiences I also find it is very beneficial to posting about the positive changes since I came out. Primarily right now I am very pleased with my health. So I wanted to post about some of the unexpected physical changes (non-HRT related)
I already feel physically better. Since I came out on March 13th I have lost about 25lbs. I had gone into the doctor at the beginning of March for a work injury appointment and the scale hit 300lbs for the first time ever. Normally for the last 10 years my weight would rock between 280-296 or so, I thought I was safe. The depression I was in (maybe still a little) always had me aim for what was safe, which was completely different to who I was up until about age 37 (I am 46 now).
I know my hubby was worried when he saw the scale. Not that the weight is problem, he is always sexually attracted to me, but he knew how I would feel about it, and he was worried about my reaction. He was right, I felt crushed inside.
My reaction was simple, I knew something has to change, this isn’t working. I struggled for about a week trying to figure out what I could do to stop feeling like I was drowning. I had finally decided out of all the stresses I felt, my only option was to come out.
The reasons for this is that I couldn’t quit the job I absolutely hate. Right now there are a lot of debts, and while the hubby would be happy to support me and for us to just get by, I can’t let him struggle to support us. I couldn’t work out or try to get physical since my foot is still broken and the bike/pool is out of the question. So I went with the other thing that had been building for decades, I needed to come out (not unexpectedly to the hubby).
Ever since then things have been changing for my physically, even before HRT. I have done no physical exercises due to my foot. However, even with that, in the last 6 weeks I have lost 25lbs (started losing that weight 4 weeks before HRT). I did that purely by quitting eating sweets. and adjusting to approximately 2,000 calories (but not being too pushy with the calorie counting, that sets off other anxieties).
25lbs in 6 weeks is too fast, even with the normal 10-12 pounds of water weight. My target is 1.5lbs a week (and that is still very fast). However it seems the majority of my weight was being kept on by my stress eating, and the more I was at work the more I stress eat. Hell, even working from home I get cravings to eat more when I am working, as opposed to just watching TV. That is a sign of how much I don’t like my job, I emotionally eat when I am doing it.
So here I am down to about 275lbs or so, a weight I haven’t been at in ten years and I feel better physically then I have before. It makes me want to go out and do a lot more (which I can tell is only partially the weight change, also partially the depression being lifted. I am hoping in 2 weeks I will be out of the boot and I want to start using the exercise bike, and some weight training.
The bike I am aiming for 10 minutes a day, and see about increasing that 5 minutes every month or two (I am hoping monthly so by the end of summer I would hit it about 30 minutes a day). The reason for daily is so I can drill the habit into me, make it part of an every day routine and at a slow enough rate that I don’t just quit.
I realize 10 minutes to start seems like a why bother, that it will take me longer to get dressed, walk down to our gym and then walk back and get undressed, but its the repetition I need. However, it is a very small amount of time and something that can add to my habits.
The weight lifting is different then before. I don’t want to super bulk up, but I want to convert what fat I can to muscle, it raises your metabolism and maybe staves off some of the loss of strength from the HRT. Nothing super heavy or big, just smaller weights to keep things moving.
I am aiming big, I want to drop 120lbs from my March 3rd weight, and even out at 180lbs. I am already down 20% of that with only 95lbs to go. I realize it is a big goal, and I am prepared if it doesn’t happen and that is alright too. I also realize that sometimes it fluctuates. However I feel so much better being just 25lbs lighter that it helps with me wanting to go further.
I haven’t had this much energy in years, and whether its the weight or the depression is irrelevant to me. Whatever it is I want to continue and I think I will go with my plan as it is and see what adjustments need to be made.
It has been a struggle, my health that is. Unfortunately over the last twenty years or so I haven’t been as physical as I was when I was 21. Partially because of responsibilities, partially because of bad ankles or allergy to my sweat. However, let us be honest about this, it is mostly because I am lazy.
For years my diet consisted of fast food, pop, candy and pretty much everything else standard in the American diet. I have for the last few years pretty much stopped pop, and fast food is actually really rare (less than once a month, and usually only if I am traveling up to Bellingham for a tattoo and I need to eat something before getting worked on). What hasn’t stopped is candy and sugar.
We actually eat meat fairly rarely, especially red meat. We also do eat a lot of bread products I am cutting down on both and I am currently staying under the 2,000 calorie diet. This has all been fairly stable except my love for the sugar. Even eating sugar I don’t break 2,000 calories very often, but its a waste to use those calories for that. Pop was really hard to stop, but I can say that I no longer like it, although on occaision I do break out a diet pepsi or a pepsi zero (although the whole 0 calories is a lie of measurement).
What I need to do now is get back to working out regularly and stop eating sugar. I am going on vacation after today until the 11th of July. We aren’t going anywhere, but it will alleviate the pressure of work. I was surprised to figure out I eat when stressed, it was more surprising that I eat when I am bored. I have noticed I actually eat less on the weekends then I do during the weekdays. So this vacation time I am going to focus on my eating habits. It will give me almost two weeks of practice without “hurrying because of work”.
Also during this time I am going to get back into working out. I did it for awhile last year and within a few weeks the wife noticed muscle building up on my chest and shoulders (and even arms). I want to get back into that. Almost two weeks of no work means there is no excuses and I can start on a regimen. The reduction on calories and increase in exercise will hopefully start me on a path to not have lovehandles of DOOOM!!!!
Oh, and unlike what my trainer tried to tell me to do, I won’t eat my calories I burn working out. The wife introduced me to some good books and resources on the science of weight loss and working out. Eating your burned calories is very bad for you and definitely stops you from losing the weight you want. I won’t be doing that.
So here it goes, starting tomorrow the beginning of cutting out sugar and working out (I wont cut out caffiene yet, I figure that is way too much to do).