Contrary to what I have written lately, I am happy

I realize a lot of my posts have been negative lately. The grief of the anniversary of my father’s death, the stresses of family, the transphobia on a regular basis. This might make it seem like everything is just doom and gloom. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I am happier now then I have been since I was seventeen. To be honest I am much happier than even then. This morning I was in the shower and I saw in our little hanging shower mirror the girl I am. It only lasted until it steamed up again, but I caught a glimpse, something I never saw my entire life before my transition.

In other mirrors I sometimes catch it, or maybe just in the way sometimes people react. Sometimes I even feel it inside, sometimes for a brief moment I forget all the stresses and I just feel like me. It is the greatest thing ever.

I definitely see it a lot in the eyes of my husband. That is where I see myself the most, and the most often I feel whole. Not specifically that I wouldn’t be whole without him, but I see the confirmation of who I am. Not just as a transgender girl, but my creativity, my intelligence, and emotional capacity. There is a validation there.

I just wanted to clarify to everyone that while a lot of hard things are happening, I have never been happier before, and so unhappy as well, evidently when the depression leaves, I don’t get access to the ability to numb the bad parts, but that is ok it means I feel the good parts too.

I just can’t tell my friends and family enough how much I love them for their support in allowing me to be who I am. I especially can’t tell my husband enough how much he means to me.

Things are great in my head, I promise!!!

Gendered Correctly for the first time

Just a quick selfie the morning of 4/4/19. I was wearing a nice sweater too.

It happened finally, when I was in the drive through of a local McDonald’s. I was dressed femininely, was in a good mood and just chatted with her in the window for a few moments. As I pulled away she didn’t blink or hesitate, just just smiled at me and said “Have a good day Mrs.”

I don’t pass fully yet and I know it. I don’t particularly expect a lot of recognition. I am at the stage now when I don’t pass as straight, and not even gay anymore. I am fairly firmly at the mid-point of being obviously trans. I have accepted it and move don.

I find it only bothers me when I get a negative reaction, just like it would anyone else. However I do like the way I look far better now then at any point in time.

I just wanted to share my first public, stranger involved encounter that I was gendered correctly without someone doing an exaggerated looking me over, or asking me if they should refer to me as a she. It made my day.