Year 1

Today (March 13th) marks the year anniversary date that I came out to my husband as trans. While all the signs told me that it shouldn’t be hard, it was one of the hardest things in my life and one of the things that improved my life the most.

In the last year I have lost 110lbs (and slowly losing more), I have quit two jobs, been fired from a job and started three new jobs (well actually 1 new job and then two older jobs I had before) in an attempt to find some place accepting.

I have come out to my family, my husband was incredibly supportive, after all he called me “his little egg” for years before I knew what that meant. My blood family’s response has ranged from tepid to no response or acknowledgement of me living at all.

My friends have almost all universally been supportive or disappeared (and the number that disappeared were very small and mostly just ‘online’ people that I didn’t know that well). The vast majority overall have proved to be loving, accepting and caring of me.

I started hormones 11 months ago, but in this last time my transition has been slowed by my testosterone production. “My little buddies” haven’t been removed yet and they are fighting like hell to stay and to mess up my hormone levels. That is ok though, they are off the island within 2-3 months and life will be better.

I like the way I look way better than I ever have. It isn’t just the weight loss, it is feeling more comfortable about who I am. This is the first time this year in my entire life since I was a little kid that I enjoyed shopping. The husband is still in awe sometimes when I pick something out on my own.

Of course there have been no surgeries or heavy medical inducements other than hormones yet. That all happens this year (well next 6-9 months at the longest), so my second and third year will be harder then the first. Although I suspect my appearance will change even more drastically then it did this year, so my pictures up to now aren’t even half the story yet of my journey coming up.

There are still a ton of details and chapters I haven’t talked about yet, those will happen. I just wanted to wish myself a happy birthday/anniversary of coming out to my husband… who already knew and was waiting.

I love you my little rat.

 

Changes

I woke up this morning and something was different. Honestly I couldn’t tell you when it was different or exactly why it happened but things are different. I woke up this morning and the name Catholic Sin didn’t quit fit anymore in my head. I mean its fine for my livejournal name, but I was looking at my website www.catholicsin.com and the domain name just didn’t seem fitting.

I don’t know specifically what is different, just that blasphemy doesn’t quite seem to fit me anymore. I am happily married to a beautiful girl (and have been so for over a decade, 11 years to be precise). I own a mobile home, now sure its cheap trailer trash but we have upgraded it and we own it outright, no payments. Sure we pay lot space but thats by far way cheaper then renting. I am college educated and will be returning there as soon as possible (or at least entering nursing school). My parents are no longer raging drunks, they have been sober 16 months and I am starting to worry about them less. I am surrounded physically or at least net wise by many friends, some of which that date back over 15 years.

The only negative in my life is 42K in student loans, but thats easily taken care of too. I just dont feel that aggressive, angry, defensive feeling anymore. Now this doesn’t mean I am going to grow up and grow old, not at all. I am still gaming (love it) I still like kinky sex/porn, I am still a raging liberal with the love for guns and other things conservative that seem to surprise people. When I go back to school next winter I will still probably dye my hair blue. But I think all of those things are me, I am no longer angry at the church really. I don’t think I could ever go back to a Christian church with all the hypocrisy (and no matter how much I hate the Catholic Church, they would be the only christian church I go to). I still have problems with god/christianity/superior feeling that many seem to have (I believe the Hindu’s have it right, there are many paths).

Honestly as I delve further into this post I am not even really sure what to say about things. Just that the name “catholic sin” isn’t quit as appealing as it was 5 years ago. I think I am happy with my own name “Lucky” (yes my real name). I think I may eventually change catholicsin.com over to something closer to what I am now, we will see.

In the end, I have no idea what the post is about, just some mental ramblings that had to come out in text. Thanks for listening.