I haven’t taken myself overly serious in a long long time. Before my transition that was because I just didn’t care anymore, after my transition I think it is because I have found myself and I don’t sweat silly looking things (not to be confused with dysphoria inducing things, that is a different kettle of fish).
My goal overall is to not shy away from the bad as well as to show off nice images of my life. So you will never find me artificially filtering my photos (other than maybe make them black and white, or if I am wearing makeup). I am who I am. Even if I am feeling crushed hard from surgery or something else.
It is uncommon for the hubby to get pictures of me. Especially pictures I am not aware of. Here is one of those, plus a second from same day (but I was aware of that).
The hubby decided on this day to take a couple of pictures of me. Evidently, he couldn’t get enough of my “Magically Delicious” butt with those Lucky Charm pajamas while he was working on his school work (this is before he came out).
He also got a pic of me later in the day getting tattoo work. Of course, this is all four+ years before I started to transition. I ended up losing that weight since then. I have no idea who the woman was though, and it was vaguely uncomfortable that my tattoo artist had her stay to watch. I was pretty dysphoric anyways (no one knew) and I hated who I was.
This picture is closer to what I look like about 18 months ago. I suspect it will look even different in four weeks after my Avelar Tummy Tuck and fat transfer as well next week.
By the way, I still love my tattoos, in fact I love them even more. The left arm tattoo has been filled out and vastly expanded into 1/2 to 2/3 sleeve as well.
These are two pictures from when I was about 20 years old. I was holding my ex-girlfriend’s daughter that she had with another friend (yes, there is drama there along with fatherhood questions, but that is its own sets of writings).
I think this was when I lived at 1900 Texas St (in Bellingham), During the time that the hubby and I had broken up after we initially got together, broke up then got back and married. I do remember Selena smelled good though, more than the normal baby smells I like. I suspect it was a reaction to the super stress this time period had. A little bit of peace and quiet (and also the closest I figured I would ever be to a mom…).
Selena’s mother would constantly put her in my arms and I liked it. It is also sometimes the only time I fell asleep. I had totally forgotten about it until Selena gave me the photos last night.
Just an FYI, Wolsey is ok that in my memories I refer to him as a girl before he transitioned. My writing is a lot more awkward when I tried to change pronouns he used back then. He knows this and is ok with it (like I am ok with him referring to me as a boy before I transitioned).
Today marks the 30th anniversary of the first day my hubby Wolsey and I got together as more than friends and started dating.
After my first major relationship breakup with another woman a couple months before, I had moved into a room at the same house I had met Wolsey years before. This time I was the one living there and not Wolsey. I hadn’t been around Wolsey for several months due to some shit pulled by my ex-girlfriend to Wolsey, indicating to her that I didn’t want to see her (that will be its own post in the future). During this time, I had jumped four or five jobs in the space of a few months and was working in the paint department of Kmart.
March 17th 1991 started out as a normal day for me as I went to work at Kmart. It had been a long day when I got an announcement over the intercom saying there was a phone call for me on line 3. I remember it with clarity.
I pick up the phone and it is Wolsey’s voice. She seemed excited and maybe a little out of breath. All she asked was what time I was off. I was confused and excited. I hadn’t seen Wolsey in months. I had missed her but I figured she was off dating someone and doing her own thing. Her words to me on the phone were, “Don’t go anywhere.” It was a pretty commanding tone and I agreed to wait.
Twenty minutes later I hear stomping boots coming down the aisle and there she was dressed in a leather jacket, facial piercings, a very tiny shirt that revealed her feminine body quite explicitly, a mohawk, makeup, and the cutest purple crinoline skirt. I was getting off work about this time and she came up and hustled me to her truck and took me home.
We spent the next hour and a half talking where we reestablished contact and smoothed over our friendship. Over the next couple of weeks, we talked a lot and she kept showing up at my room. Wolsey was homeless at the time, but that didn’t bother me. I invited her in to my room and let her stay on my single-wide bed. I left out cans of ravioli, with a can opener and a spoon, for her to eat if she was hungry. Wolsey was always hungry and this was the one thing I knew she liked to eat.
On April 6th she showed up in my window while my friend Bryon was visiting. She waited patiently around, but I could tell she was impatient on Bryon leaving. I think at some point Bryon got the clue and made himself scarce.
For the next two hours she told me about a guy that she was really attracted to and wanted to date. To be honest I was absolutely crushed. I had always been in love with her from the first time I met her. She is who I had originally wanted to date, but we could never get our timing right and I do admit I was terrified. I was a horrible person, before I had dated my ex-girlfriend, Wolsey would invite me out to meet her for coffee and I would chicken out and leave her at the Horseshoe Cafe by herself waiting.
I was such a dick.
But now we had started talking and I had started thinking maybe we could work out. I had gotten my first time sleeping with a woman out of the way with my ex-girlfriend and I wasn’t terrified of girls so now I had been hoping maybe things would work out.
I never mentioned how crushed I was. I just was super supportive of her interest in someone. After all she was my best friend, and I knew that more at the time then I had realized before. However she just kept looking at me weird when I was so supportive of it. She realized I didn’t think it was me and then it became a game.
For two hours she poked me and made me try to guess who she wanted to date. I was an idiot and didn’t realize what she meant and assumed it was another guy much cooler then me. Eventually she told me to shut up and said it was me. I was stunned and couldn’t say anything. I think my brain literally shut down for a moment. All I could hear was static and I was sure I had misheard her. There was no way she was interested in someone as uninteresting as me.
Then she kissed me.
We spent the night together, and honestly we have only slept apart since then we we broke up for a several month period after the following Thanksgiving, and after we got back together we have only ever been apart due to surgeries, or travel for work (which has only been in the last 7 years).
So basically I just need to tell my husband that I love him more than anything, and I am really glad he liked the ravioli I set out on the window sill enough to date me :). It has been an awesome 30 years, and I hope we get another 30 years at least.
I LOVE YOU WOLSEY, more than all of the rest of the universe combined.
By the beginning of April I was closing in on wrapping up my first CPA Firm tax season. I hated the 110 hour weeks, I had taken a job with the state. Unfortunately the pace at the CPA firm had caught up with me. You will notice in my picture sores on my arms and legs, that is from a skin infection that covered about 90% of my body.
My firm was so bad, that even when I was covered in sores (two weeks before this photo) they required me to come in and sit in my cubicle for 110 hours anyways, they just kept any clients from walking in to my oozing holes in my skin. I was scheduled for my last day to be April 18, so this is me 2 weeks before I got my freedom.
Meanwhile the hubby was recovering from being sick, he (she at the time of the pictures) had finally rounded the corner and was starting to put weight back on. He didn’t smile much then, it made me happy when I took these pictures that he was smiling.
Yes there is more than one photo today, that is because I got four photos for same day/same year pop up today, I figured it would be weird not to do it as a unit, so evidently in the future if I have more than one photo from the same day, you will be getting it.
Just an update on my back tattoo on Christmas Day 2012 (12/25/2012). Down to only two or three more sessions. When I get it finished I will get closer photos so you can see the details (there are a lot of details).
Also, I am trying to put more pictures up of myself. I have a lot of body issues with myself, its a reason there are very few photos of me compared to my family friends. I have lately come to the realization that I need to accept myself, and the way I look. I am going to continue to try and get healthy, but I need to accept I am heading for 42 and the odds are a lot less likely I will ever be skinny again then when I was 30 (and honestly I was about this size then). I just need to realize that others will either find me attractive or they won’t, and it is their loss if they don’t.