Decrepit Building

I just woke up from a horrible dream. Not a zombie, nightmare infested dream but one that could happen.


We were at an older house, one that had fallen into a lot of disrepair. It belonged to an old lady who I never saw the face of, but we could hear in the background freaking out about the fact she might have to leave. We decided to start cleaning in the kitchen, anything to get her place into a liveable condition. The kitchen was pretty darn bad, it looked like one of those “hoarder” type setups, full of garbage and other debris, along with a broken down feeling.

I started cleaning the walls and noticed they were a weird stucco type texture. As I dug into cleaning, I realized they were stucco because of dirt, grime, but especially because of bug eggs everywhere. As I cleaned, the eggs would hatch, mostly cockroaches, but other types of bugs. This isn’t very surprising, I do have a weird phobia with roaches and of course if this was a bad dream it would have that.

It was at this point I noticed the floor had holes in it. It was an old style wooden floored building. However, the hole was pretty big around, I would say almost a foot across. As I cleaned I noticed more and more insects crawling out. Over a couple minutes that I kept killing them, the insects were larger and larger as well. I eventually yelled back at the old lady that she has to come with us as I woke up trying to get her to move.


Now, that may seem like a weird dream. However, at the end I realized it was about my parents. My parents are having their health decline severely lately. They can’t clean as well, which we help with, due to inability to reach places. Their apartment isn’t like the one in the dream. Except two large issues.

The first issue is the floor by the second door into their living room. It is rotten through. You can feel the floor boards give under the carpet that no matter how often you clean, it begins to develop a mold (I assume its because the floor pushes through to under the apartment crawlspace). Supposedly they have talked with the landlords and the landlords are trying to figure out what to do about it. The problem being is my parents don’t want to move. They love the apartment and they are scared to. So it sounds like the landlord is trying to figure out if they can repair the floor while my parents stuff is there (I could repair it, but landlords are always funny, if my parents have even really talked with them).

The second issue is something I can handle, its just a bit of money up front. ALL of my parents furniture is used, ratty and pretty much destroyed (well not pretty much, it is). They haven’t had new furniture in decades, all of these are things that were at goodwill and they have had for 6+ years, or things my dad has been able to find and bring home. They have already agreed to let me buy them a used sofa/couple of padded chairs to replace them, I just haven’t been able to do that lately.

I think I am going to need to do that next weekend. The furniture is incredibly bad due to their health, but especially because of their dog and  just the fact it is old furniture. They were fortunate and got a new bed last year so that part is good, the bed is in good shape. I think I will contact the local “We Care” and see if they have any good used furniture for sale. I saw a few years ago they carried some nice stuff, and its for a nice charity. If not I will have to go to another place. I will also have to rent a U-Haul pickup, theirs is dying, to deliver the old stuff to the dump and the new stuff back to the apartment the same day.

Well, I am starting to calm down. I doubt I will sleep the rest of the day, but maybe I will play some video games or something.

Battling Stress

This week has been fairly stressful. Well to be honest the whole summer has, with the amount of travel and lack of relaxation has meant my summer went by for the most part without me realizing it. I am lucky now, I am working in Arlington so its only a 30 minute ride each direction. The audit there is going well, we finally had our brainstorm on Thursday and we also had the County exit on Thursday.

Also as a side note, I applied at the Health District as a Financial Systems Accountant. Basically its the person second in charge of the finance department for the Health District. The good points is the job is only a mile away, wouldn’t require any travel, would start at more than I max out at my current position (about 10-15% higher) but itself tops out near 85k a year (sadly enough I would be making 85k a year now if I worked in the private sector). The Business Manager will be retiring in three years and they are looking for the Systems Accountant to hopefully step into his shoes so it would be a move up higher into that position if things worked out. I have audited them for three years (and I am the Health District Specialist for the State of Washington’s Auditor Office) so I have worked with those people on a semi-regular basis. Also the duties they perform for the public are something I can believe in. In addition to providing health inspections, food handling permits, biohazard emergency response, CDC emergency programs, they also provide a lot of medical services to those to the poor. As a side note, if I do get this job I am going to probably have to get my CPA, which would be even more valuable in future job searches.

The disadvantages to that job is that I will be at the same place day in and day out (one of the reasons I enjoy auditing is I don’t get in a rut). Although, I have discovered now that I have worked three years and three months at my current job, that even though I move around I am still in a rut. I would have to learn the other side of auditing (being the auditee not the auditor) and it would also mean I will be living in Everett indefinitely. It is not that Everett is bad, I actually like living here, but we were planning on moving to Portland in a couple of years.

Overall though I think its worth it, if I could make a bit more money I could take care of my parents better. We might even look for a house if I made a little bit more. If we got a house I think I could convince my parents to come live down with us in a separate mother-in-law suite so we could offset a lot of their bills. It would also be working for a cause I could believe in and once you get into a position like that, its easy to get jobs anywhere in local governments as a Finance Director.

I think part of my problem lately is that, I am a little disillusioned. Our office is meant to audit local and state government agencies, unfortunately lately my office has been concerned with “customer service” with those agencies and in my opinion has “softened” up on our reviews (and on some issues) in order to not rock the boat. With all the budget cuts I think there is a fear that the local governments may lobby the legislature to slash our ability to audit. This seems sort of counter to what we should be doing. Times are tough, and instead of lowering budgets, softening our responses I think this is the time we need to be reviewing to our fullest extent. This is the exact economic environment that would pressure local governments into doing things with their funds that are not allowed, to cut corners in violation of RCW (state law) and to perhaps take position on financial/RCW issues that are more “grey” in their interpretation. I am sure my disillusionment will lighten, but I am a little frustrated on some issues.

So that was earlier this week. For some reason all week I have been unable to sleep much, enough that even though I had yesterday off I was up at 3am (so was wife), but we ended up going to bed around 4am and slept until 9:30am. I then get a call at 1pm yesterday and my dad told me that my mom was in the hospital. Evidently last night her shoulder hurt so she took her nitro, then she woke up again hurting, took more nitro and did this three or four times. My dad asked her to go to the ER, but she was too embarrased to have the ambulances come up. So my dad took her in this morning.

She is fine now, they put another stent in, one of the stents from her original heart attack in 2005 was closing again and she is feeling better. My dad is pretty angry with her for not going in the night before and I doubt he will let her get away with it. So I found all of this out yesterday, was a bit stressed but calmed down and I got to spend a great afternoon with my wife. Last night I had a cider, but as every time I have a beer or cider before going to bed I had stressful dreams and I ended up not sleeping well. I am not meant to drink 🙂

So here I am, early morning and feeling tired. I may go visit my mom this afternoon (she is coming home today), maybe while we are up in Bellingham (if we go) we will stop by the Lynden Fair, we haven’t been there in three years (actually four now that I think about it).

So overall I am having a stress reaction, but the wife is helping me battle it. I did a bit of meditation today and I feel a little better. I am starting working out again, that helps a little too.

Edit: I am evidently tired so if my above post came out redundant, at least you know why.

Long and Short Night

Last night I got about 4.5 hours of sleep. This was mostly due to some dreams. I can’t remember much.

DREAMS

My mother and I were taking a ferry somewhere, we ended up leaving the ferry and traveling a bit. At some point we were dropped off on a rather steep hill that was undergoing construction. There were these large trucks going by that were carrying huge pipes (as in several feet across or larger). I then got a radio call telling me that they were opening up the dam and to get to safety.

All I could worry about was how could I keep my mother safe from the flood. I figured we were on a very large hill (almost cliff like) so I took her over to a place where the cliff edge overhung the cliffside. We climbed into some holes in the side of the cliff away from the road. My thoughts were that the water would follow the road more (since it was carved deeper into the ground then the rest of the cliff) and any water that went over this cliff side would overshoot where we were. Of course in the dream I didn’t consider that the overhang may collapse on us.

We climbed into these holes and found there were some passages. At this point I then found myself on this tiny rowboat. The boat was up against these colossal steel doors in this gigantic resevoir, the resavoir was so large that I could only barely make out the shore. These huge doors opened up and I could feel the water behind me swell. All I could do was worry about where my mother was and I woke up shortly thereafter. The water dream had the same feeling of anxiety of the huge amounts of water.

GAMING:

Last nights gaming went really well I think. I am glad we started this campaign, the group is meshing (there are some rough waves on an interpersonal level, but that just makes the RP that much more fun). The successfully stopped a cult from making a sacrifice, killed some hyena skin changers and secured the Hyena teeth with hieroglyphs etched into them. We will play in two weeks again and I am already working on the next section. Hopefully some webpages will be up today or in the next couple of days at least.

I am now in the process of looking for replacement gamers. I have a few sources. About half my group tends to like to party on Saturday Nights, and are unavailable due to said partying. I am personally not a partier, any partying I might have wanted to do ended about 10 years ago. You really can only do that kind of partying and not look like the creepy old guy when your in your 20’s. Besides, I would rather have roleplay then drunks in my house so the partying is not an interest. I hope to gain one or two more players, we are almost complete (especially when  gets Saturdays off, then we can play noon to 7 or so on Saturdays) those one or two players will add enough extra people so we can keep playing even if someone is sick.

More to come later

Sunday Update

This week has been hectic. I have only seen my wife  for two days up until the weekend. I spent most of my time working on the  magic rules for shadowrun as detailed in  . On Friday the dell technician was supposed to show up to fix my PC, but he no-showed so maybe he will show up Tuesday. The good news is that my PC is still under warranty (will need new MB and RAM), this means I do not have to get a macbookpro so quickly (will still want one).

Saturday we spent the day visiting my mother, her fourth of 18 weeks of chemo. It was rough on her, but it wasn’t the chemo, it was the shot they gave her to keep her platlets up so she can keep taking the chemo. I baked her a peach custard pie (which I am going to have to post here) and sat with my parents for a couple hours. This week I also worked out a whole bunch. Our trainer ran us hard Wednesday, and then yesterday was even more intense. We worked for a half an hour on chest presses, bench presses, incline bench presses, decline bench presses. True, my capability is not what I would like, but he worked us hard. Then he worked us out for 30 minutes in the pool, swimming laps, crunches, water sprints. That truly was the ass kicker of the week, however it made me feel great (albeit tired). I think I am going to go swim laps starting later this week on top of weight lifting. I had not realized how much it hurt to do a single lap, that will definitely be a good overall workout.

I only have 7 more working days before I am done with Sultan. Then its one week at Everett, then two days in Olympia for training (and I am taking  with me, two days in a hotel with a pool). Then back to the city and county courthouses for another week. After that it will be three weeks of Coupeville over by Oak Harbor. That will suck, a 1.5-2 hour commute each way. The good thing is I will gain 2 hours of “exchange time” each day. By the end of three weeks I will have gained an extra 30 hours of basically vacation time. Well better get ready for the game, I will follow up with an after-game update tonight.

Dreams and Anxieties

I woke up this morning at 4:30 am from a strange dream last night, and I was unable to go back to bed. I was on some college campus looking at classes to take. I believe it was for either Central or Washington State University satellite campus in Lynnwood. While registering I somehow lost all my text books (and it was a bizarre language class, some sort of class about a novel, and a third miscellaneous class). I spent a good chunk of the dream looking for the books, I had somehow mixed them up with someone else’s book. Then somehow I ended on a street corner naked, trying to put on my wife’s dress so I wasn’t naked.

I am sure it has to do with my anxiety today. My mom starts her chemotherapy and I am a bit nervous. I gave them some gas money and told them to call me whenever they want. I think she will be doing good, I just worry about how sick she gets. I am trying to get them to quit smoking, and will continue to try, but part of me thinks its a lost cause.

Also the wife and I were looking at class information for her next degree (maybe she can finish her psych degree). We both didn’t realize there were multiple University Campuses within a short drive. I definitely am going to get heresyoftruth into school, maybe we should see what financial aid is available this year and get her into a campus if she wants to do a four year degree. I also found they offer a couple of different masters in accounting, I may have to try that in a year or so.

I also wonder if part of the dream was about my lack of studying for the CPA (anxiety about school). Now I did realize when I graduated in December that the first month of my tax job, I wouldn’t have time (plus we had to move and I didn’t get the study materials until my second month of work). Then we hit busy season, and there was absolutely no way to study then. Busy season ended in May, but my interviewing with other jobs started then. By mid-June I was moving  yet again to Everett and now I have finished my first month of state auditing. I figure I better start studying, I would like to take the first of four tests by October, unfortunately thats a 1,000 + pages of  Financial Accounting & Reporting (plus 300 more pages of an advanced booklet) for testing materials. Once that is done I have three more tests (Auditing,  Taxes, Business Ethics/Law) each are almost the same size (the FAR which is the first one is a bit larger then the rest).

Oh, and i probably will discontinue the friends only for now. I am working on just friending certain posts that my involve my work or other “sensitive” things, but for the most part this is a pretty harmless journal.

Dreams 7-29-18

Last night I had a dream that really kind of bothered me.

It was in an old house my parents had rented when I was a kid, on Iron Street. There were some differences, mainly my parents were the same age they are now (as was I), there were flourescent lights behind plexiglass advertisements on the corner of the wall/ceiling and my parents were sitting there being a bit spacey.

A younger brunette with a very alternative look was there as well. She introduced herself to me, but something bothered me when she did so (and I cannot seem to remember her name). She followed me around my parents house while I got some coffee and lunch. I noticed some weird plastic cap thingees in the sink. 

The dark haired girl with the peircings and chopped up tee-shirt kept coming on to me (no it was not a representation of the wife), she was in the corner of my dream house somewhere and I knew it). She even went so far as to push her ass up against me every chance she got. But I continued to ignore her.

I went back out into the living room, just as I was doing that, my little brother Bear was shooting up drugs (heroin). I freaked out on him and he said my parents were doing it as well. It dawned on me that they were nodding out and I immediately understood the plastic thingees were needle caps.

I freaked out, went into the living room and confronted my parents. They said that yes, they are doing it. I found out it was from the dark haired alternative girl that they started and it was too late for them to now quit. 

I immediately woke up. Its not that my parents haven’t tried all drugs (they have), but they have never been fond of forcing drugs into your veins directly. I also realize this dream most likely because my aunt Ines had a heart attack last week (sounds even more severe then my mother’s two years ago). She lived a life of a junkie, not my parents sometimes doing drugs or drinking, but a full blown, sticking needles in her arm with her daughter (my cousin) Sarah.

I worry about my mom. She is the youngest of them (Ines is 59, my mom 57, and the oldest aunt Ardis is 62 I believe). My mom is likely to be hurt and cry if something happens to Ines. Sadly enough Ines never really acted like she cared about my mom (most junkies don’t/can’t care about others while fucked up) and never really contacted my mom, after her big heart attack. So I honestly don’t feel emotional at all about my middle aunt having a heart attack. Of course I don’t want to see her die, but selfishly that is mostly so I don’t have to see my mom suffer.

Well, that is it for now, exhausted, maybe I can get back to sleep.

Mother’s Heart Attack

Freaked out would be an understatement. I am sorry to everyone who has to read this. I hate bitching about my situation but I am pretty worried about my mother.

For those of you that don’t know I got a call at 7am this morning. My mother had a major heart attack, after hours of tracking down where her and my father were we met up. She seems pretty happy, in good spirits and pretty positive.

Here is the problem, she is a patient at the Doctors office I work for, he wanted to check on her and we found out that her heart CK was 1438, the normal range is 24-170, anything above that is major damage. That means her CK was 20+ times bigger then average which signifies a huge amount of possible heart damage. The kind that can easily have people die shortly thereafter to complications or to a second heart attack (actually the fact that she survived the first attack was due to the uncharacteristic showing of her heart attack, she had an attack like a man. Most women when they have heart attacks think they have backaches, she had a full on chest crimping pain).

Now, the numbers indicate a very very grim situation, but the Cardio unit my mom is in thinks she might be released tommorrow and the cardio tech watching her heart says she has a lot of optimism. Now my mother hasn’t been able to talk to the heart doc but then again neither have we. So on one hand we have a Cath lab that says she is in gravest of situations and on the other hand it seems like the worst is over.

Either way I won’t find out until 7am tomorrow when the doctor does his rounds (I am going in to talk and sit with her at 630am). I am damn worried about losing her, not only that but it wouldn’t be long until my father would become “crazy vietnam vet guy” and probably not live long after her. I am worried about losing my mother and the possibility of my father. 

I feel inside this is doubly unfair since they have had alcohol problems for the first 30 years of my life (worse as I got older) and for the last two they have been sober, its almost as if whatever greater power is out there is using them like a carrot to dangle in front of me, saying now that they are happy and sober I am not allowed to have a relationship with them.

Sorry, freaked out, worrying and ranting. I will stop now.

I just hope my mother is ok.