Endings

Endings always suck, and I have been trying to avoid this ending. Although we all know you can’t avoid death and taxes. Unfortunately its the reaper who is showing up, I wouldn’t mind paying the tax man for some extra time for the cat.

Our cat Orpheus has finally hit the stage where the renal failure is final. We have known for two years, and he has kept himself going really well for those two years. However, about a month ago he started getting thick around the abdomen. As of last Saturday he has finally started to lose his appetite and he has become skin and bones. Although he is still bright eyed.

In fact, not more than 10 minutes ago the cat noticed that I was laying on  and the problem with that is he thinks that is unacceptable. So twice tonight although he has been huddled on his electric blanket, he has gotten up when he saw me paying attention to the wife. He then both times walked over and started howling at me to pick him up. So he got his way yet again, he always thinks the wife is a whore who I shouldn’t touch when he is crabby like that. It was funny enough that I think we both almost cried.

We got a hold of a vet, Dr. Kaftanski. She was awesome on the phone and was incredibly reassuring. In addition she uses an anesthetic before actually euthanizing, so Orph won’t be freaked out, except for a possible pinch.

So the deed will happen at 2pm tomorrow (Tuesday). I realize its stupid to think this way, but I have always hoped there i something else after this life. If there is, I hope at least the animals get to go there (or come back). Of course that goes for everyone else as well, but since Orph is the one leaving next, animals are my focus.

I have always been weird that way, if I could buy my friends and family an afterlife with my own destruction/damnation I would do it and not even blink in the decision.Ok, that was a  weird side tangent, probably because I just took all my meds and I only slept about 3 or 4 hours last night.

 

Orpheus Watch

Our cat Orpheus has been sick the last 4-5 days. We had assumed it was his food (we were feeding him Whiskas, and that isn’t very healthy for a cat). He started with hairballs and continued puking once or twice a day. After a day or two he started having diarhea, so we got him new food (Wellness and some high end dry food) and he was still sick through the weekend. Fast forward to Saturday and we were sure we would need to take him to a vet on Monday. That is until he started passing blood (and a lot of it). So last night we took him to the emergency vet.

The vet techs were pretty cool. They knew he has a history of trying to kill vets and vet techs ever since that bad vet visit last year. We had dosed him up on a sedative (thanks [livejournal.com profile] ashcake for showing us how to pill a cat). So they at least were able to handle with him. We then talked with the vet and explained what had happened and that we needed to limit what we could do financially (plus the fact it is a 16 year old kitty, don’t want to do anything to prolong him that would decline his lifestyle.

The vet came back with a $600+ estimate to do all the testing. First, we don’t have that kind of cash, there is no way at this point I can do that. Especially since my chase card just went up to 30% (for nothing we did) I cannot afford it. We explained that to the vet and asked if there was something less invasive. The second reason we declined (and I would have done so even if I had the cash) is the extensiveness of the test. Orpheus is 16, going on 17 years old. True, he could live a few more years, but there is a limit of resources I am willing to spend (god this makes me sound like a cold mutha-f**ker). I love the little guy, but $600 to just test him, let alone treat him (which we wouldn’t find out to the next day) was beyond my ability. 

The vet did say she didn’t think it was hyperthyrodism, nor did she think it was diabetes due to the rest of his health factors. She did bring up CRF (chronic renal failure), which is terminal but not necessarily immediately. That was the same thing  hubby and I had thought. We were braced to having to have him euthanized, when she said the other option was to give him fluids, antibiotics and see how he does. I am willing to spend the $200 for that. I don’t want to dismiss him, I would like to keep him with us if he can, so I said yes. Of course this takes the utility money we were saving up (the extra money this month, because we know next month the bill will be higher than normal), but we will make due. On a side note, this is of course the same week we incurred our FIOS bill (not much more than cable/internet and a lot better, but this month we get double billed as we pay the last of our bills from cable/internet and start fios) and I just got the bill for my ankle surgery. Although to be fair, $130 for a $10,000 surgery is worth it, and I am not complaining at the amount, the timing sucked, but not the amount.

They gave him fluids/antibiotics, gave us a script of antibiotics to get him, and yes I paid $28 more for probiotics to help with his diarrhea, even though I am skeptical of those. We brought him home drugged out of his mind. He laid on my chest most of the night, and when I wanted to eat he laid on hubby the rest of the time. Eventually we crawled in bed and he laid with us for awhile, then started his in and out process. This means for a few hours he would druggedly crawl out of bed, then back into bed. Eventually he laid up with me and went to sleep (but if I turned away to get more comfortable he would whine at me until I wrapped him up in my arms again). This was how my 5.5 hours of sleep went last night.

I woke up this morning and found that he seems pretty much normal, he was a little piggy and ate some wet food. He then came out and laid on me a little more. His eyes are pretty much normal (all night his third eyelids were halfway up his eyeballs, it was a little creepy). He has now wandered off to somewhere else in the house. I am hoping that his perking up is not temporary, but we will see.

Dreams 6-28-08

Last night I had what seemed to be one long continuous dream. It started with me, hubby and many of my old gamers (as in from 18 years ago) hanging outside the old Eagles Games in Bellingham (on Cornwall).

We were sitting there, working on a new game (I think I was starting up a fantasy game) along with pandaofdoom. While we were sitting there, people kept asking me questions (not our gaming group, just random people). I then got a call from a person who I didn’t know asking me about my game and about gaming rules. The cellphone connection with them was very broken up, I had to stop periodically to either move a few feet over for better reception, or to let low flying planes fly away (that is something occasionally that happened at our old apartment, we were under the flight path for Sea-Tac airport).

While I was on the phone, a few feet down from the old Eagles, a Suburban SUV landed on the sidewalk right in front of me, a young lady came out asked some questions and then it basically took off again (VTOL style). At that point I realized there was something coming, something big and bad, almost like a large statue.

I quickly jumped into the street and down to this huge ravine (this does not exist in Bellingham) and promptly led it towards a cave across the ravine. I had to use a series of rings in my pocket with different effects to get there (jumping, spider climbing, feather falling). Eventually I got him locked away when out of that same hole I looked him into came chaos knights on steeds. They came out of the cave entrance (which was about 100 feet above the river below) started falling when a large cat climbed up beside me and began to clean me. It was at this moment I woke up to our cat Orpheus sitting between me and heresyoftruth, cleaning my head with his tongue (he always likes the hair, that bastard, now I have a huge cowlick). This is when I got up.

Christmas 2004 and Telling the boss to fuck off.

Merry Christmas everyone.

This last week has been very interesting. First I go to work on Wednesday sick to check to make sure everyone is ok. I walk in find the girl that is “helping out the office” is on my computer typing a letter introducing herself as the new Office Manager (btw I am the office manager), I pull the doctor into a private room, he stammers a few minutes saying she is only temporarily the office manager. So I tell him to shove his job up his ass. Of course for the next few hours I am a bit worried (I just quit the highest paying job I have ever had) but after a little while I come to the realization that the money wasn’t worth working for a criminal and an asshole.

Wifey goes into work on Friday and he does exactly the same thing, so she tells him to fuck off and walks out. 

We are now both unemployed, but we have talked and we got a good working strategy. First we have all our normal bills paid off until February and lot space paid til March, we have each a full paycheck coming from the office supposedly due from the doc next Friday plus I have a 45 hour paycheck from the Mother Baby Center that I do webdesign stuff for. We should be able to pay off Wife’s bill with Western, all the monthly bills til March and money left over for food. Plus I do get unemployment and will start recieving small amount of income in two weeks (yes doc agreed to give me  unemployment, but probably because he is worried I will turn him in for all the crappy things he does, and I might, but I never said that to him, I wouldn’t actually resort to blackmail to get it).

Then last night went to my parent’s house to have our “Christmas Eve” get together, it went well we had ham, potato salad and macaroni salad with pumpkin pie, and something strange ass called Strawberry Pretzel Salad (it was pretzels crushed, covered with some sort of cream sauce and topped with Strawberry Preserves, I was polite and ate a little but it was pretty disgusting stuff) I made blueberry pie, peanut butter cookies, and divinity but didn’t have any. The night went well except my dad was all hopped up, but that is just a side note.

Monday we take Orpheus in (he is still sick from his last vet visit) have him looked at. Then I will go up to WWU and put in for admissions back into Western since I have paid them off. I will then talk to thier financial aid to get put back on it (I am hoping this all happens in spring). Then tuesday I go down to WCC and talk to Kathy Barnes about excessive credits and then Wednesday back up to WWU to talk to Professor Sandvig about the Business/Management Information Systems program they have. I am even considering possibly switching back to CS, or going into either Business, Anthropology or Biology. We will see how things work out, I am pretty disgusted with the medical system (I still want to help people, but the absolute greed that occurs by the medical system freaks me out).

Well later today I will probably post more, all I do have to say is even if I make minimum wage, its better then taking the “blood money” I was getting working for the doctor, somehow in the last six months I lost that part of myself that would be happy making less but not working for such a fucked up place, fortunately that has returned.

Merry Christmas to everyone if I don’t post again today (but I think I will).

Bad Dream and a little stress

Well I woke up this morning to a not so good dream. 

I was driving down Meridian; out by WalMart when over one of the little rises in the road I noticed that there was a huge lineup of cars. The unfortunate fact was the speed limit right there just past WalMart is 50mph. So needless to say I careened into the back of a car. The person following behind me then smashed into me and then I woke up when the vehicle behind him (a semi-truck loaded down with one of those giant Milk Containers that drive up to Lynden on that road) smashed through the car behind me and into me.

I woke up, heart beating fast when I realized for some weird reason that my little brother’s girlfriend was almost young enough to be my daughter (15 years younger then me). That then weirded me out.

I am now up, with Orph sitting beside me on the computer desk. I now need to start commenting out my ADA program (I forgot to do that yesterday). Then we got to go to Calculus and then tonight I go to Aikido. I am just worried that I don’t have time for Aikido.

Yesterday I went by the Student Office and they arranged to do a “Credit” check, which means it will tell me exactly what classes I am missing from my GURs that I need to graduate. I then went to Financial Aid to find out what I need to do when I exceed my credits. The lady was nice, and she did give me a rundown of the procedure. However I don’t think she is good at math.

She told me that once you reach 225 credits is when they cut you off of Financial Aid. I am at 140 credits and she believes that by Summer 2004 I will have reached 225 credits. Well Summer of 2004 is only two quarters away, even if I got 15 credits spring and summer that’s only 30 total (raising me to 185 credits, counting this quarter as well). That’s still 40 credits short. I think she meant summer of 2005, which means I got 4 more quarters without having to freak out. Problem is I have almost double that before I am done. I am finally done with the majority of my GUR’s (hence why I am getting a Credit check/evaluation). That means I am down to the meat and bones of 96 credits worth of CS/Math/Science and a few extra science that they slap in there.

Damn I hate W.C.C. (the community college I went to) they had me on their “fast-track” program which in the end wasn’t worth that much and I lost almost 43 credits worth of classes, actually lost is a misnomer, they count them towards my financial aid, but only count them as electives.

I still got so far left to go; I keep thinking there has to be a better way to do this. But I figure worst case scenario if they do cut my financial aid I will just go to work, and go to school 6 credits a quarter (I can usually swing $600 a quarter if I am working, that’s only $200 a month).

Well the cat is getting into something; I will be posting a little bit later.

Thanksgiving 2002

Well here I am, its Thanksgiving. Our car is broken we are broke and in general its not a lot of fun right now. I found out that at this point in the quarter I am getting a solid A in my CS202 class but that I am barely (I mean by the skin of my teeth) getting a C in Chemistry. Its absolutely the worst grade I have ever recieved since I was in High School. I think the most frustrating part is I have completed 76% of the points in Chem (giving it a solid C) yet my professor’s curve has me at a 70.0%  I realize that is only 6% less but the final is coming up and I am feeling very shaky on the subject matter.

Honestly its my fault. I love my Autistic nephew Noah and when I volunteered to be one of his ABA therapists in August I figured it was only a few hours a week commitment. It would have only been a few hours a week commitment if I didnt start trying to help them with everything. The Head Therapist they have is a joke and she was just sucking money out of my sister-inlaw and my mother and father in-laws.

So I spent 3 months stressing and trying to coerce her into actually working and doing things that are actually helping Noah. After 3 months of stress in October I had to quit. It was taking too much of a toll on my personal life and school. The end result is I had put so much  emotional energy and time into it that my grades were suffering horribly. I had to drop my Math class and I was close to failing my Chem class as well. I have slowly gotten up to the C but I am worried that if I blow the final it will drop me back down.

Wierd thing is CS (Computer Science classes for those that dont know what CS means) have always been easy and I am fortunate I had Professor Granier teaching the class. That is probably enough whining about school right now. I dont want to worry about losing financial aid for not completing more then 6 credits with a C or higher so I will have to force myself to pass the finals.

I by no means wish to run all over town to different houses for Thanksgiving (we usually have to do this for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, visit both sets of parents). Its weird, my parents are ok with us only seeing them one holiday or at least the day before or after. They understand that the dates we celebrate family themselves are unimportant.

Our cat Orpheus last week.

The spousal unit’s family was a little different up til this year. She would get calls and harassed to show up, lots of guilt trips. This year amazingly enough there has been no pressure from either side about Thanksgiving. Sad part is I miss the Turkey and Pie (well probably the pie and  sweet potatoes more then the turkey). Hmm maybe I should go make some chocolate chip cookies. I love baking, maybe when we get our student loan in January I will get a Baking cookbook.