Throwback Thursday 7-22-21

Today I wanted to post a picture of my paternal grandmother and myself, and being in an ornery mood I thought I wanted a more unusual Throwback Thursday.

Here is me visiting my grandmother at the age of 1 or 2, sometime late 1972 or early 1973 at “Purdy”, aka Washington Correct Center for Women in Pierce County, one of two women’s prisons in Washington State.

I will eventually post a real post about her, but here is a spoiler, I loved her very much, and there is a reason why my dad was like he was, at least from his starting position.

I was happy to see granny, evidently she really liked me back. It worked out well.

Typical

Tonight at 12:15am the wife and I were awoke to the pleasant sounds of two guys giving a boot party to a third guy. During this boot party, they were screaming “Where is my money!”.

My first gut instinct is to go outside and yell at them to leave him alone, but a more pragmatic suggestion was given to me by my wife. She suggested we just call the cops. So I get on the phone and call the cops. I am still a little disorientated, the dream I was having evidently had implemented some of the yelling so it took me a few seconds to get the situation out for the cops.

The hubby suggested before I finish to make it anonymous. So I told the dispatcher I would like to make it anonymous. The dispatcher then asked if they could call me back on the cell phone instead. Of course I agreed to that, I hate seeing anyone hurt and I have no problem talking to the cops, just not in front of my neighbors (whom I believe it was at least the boot partiers, if not also the boot party receiver.

I climb in bed, almost fall asleep (all members of the boot party had either driven or walked off by now). We do get two rings on my phone from a “private” number but they hang up before we can answer it. This bodes no well. 5 minutes later just as I almost fall back asleep there is slamming on my door. It takes me a few seconds (and much more slamming by those outside) and I answer it.

What do I see? THREE COPS!!!! The first thing they said loudly, “You called the cops right?”. I was so pissed, quietly I whispered “This is supposed to be anonymous”. There are three cops, and the one right in front of me eyes get big, he looked like he felt bad immediately, the other two cops (both a lot older then the cop in front of me) didn’t seem to concerned. I told them it was supposed to be anonymous and I don’t really want to deal with shit from my neighbors (but I told them to call me on my cell phone if there is an issue).

God that makes me fucking pissed. Although I am less worried about it then the wife. Sure I can get my ass kicked by two people just like anyone else, but people tend to leave me alone. Also I doubt anything will be done to our car, but I do worry about that a bit more. Last thing I need is neighbors fucking with my car.

Either way, I would do it again. It probably is a better option to call the cops then to step out and get involved, and there is no way I can ignore it, no matter what the cost to me I can’t just ignore two people continously kicking somone that is on the ground. 

I also doubt there will be much of a problem, everyone had left the scene, and I couldn’t identify any of the people (we live quite a bit up and away). I might be able to identify the car (but I can’t be sure until tomorrow).

I hate seeing my wife so stressed.
 

Long Update

I woke up this morning incredibly angry. I don’t mean “in a bad mood”, I am talking a rip-roaring I would like to crush someone’s nose under my fist anger. I do feel much better now, the wife and I went to the mall and got her some shirts, she then got me fed.

I am sure some of my anger comes from no time, finals decompression, and the fact we just got our electricity bill (double what it normally was), it just adds up. Actually I was angry enough that I called up work and cancelled coming in today (and no, I don’t want to run a game or have visitors today either, just not in the head-space to share my world paradigm with anyone but W, I love the rest of you, but we had already planned not to play today so this wont change anything except it will give me a breather from all my responsibilities, game still on 23rd). Mostly I cancelled today with work because there is no way I could handle my manager.

There is a lot of ranting, to save your friends page and to avoid making you have to read my inane ramblings I will cut most of it. I will post about school after I get my grades finalized (and that is another stress factor, how the fuck long does it take to grade a multiple choice test)

I will start with the Xmas Party. The wife and I have both been a little tense about this. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t really fit in with the upper class. I like my coworkers, but there is not very many of them I have any similarities with.

The wife and I started Saturday looking for presents. We are supposed to buy $10 presents each for a blind gift exchange. This was annoying because when I signed up for the Xmas party, I was told there were no gifts required. I don’t have a problem spending $20 total, but honestly we are still pulling ourselves out of the hole, and I hate the consumerish pressure that gets given out at Christmas.

We end up going to the “Lucky Monkey”. It’s downtown, and its a very neat little import/kitchey type of shop. After several minutes of looking for two $10 gifts  we end up getting two identical presents, they were little wooden gift boxes with different types of tops (different designs). In each one we bought a “lucky kitty” statue and a Guatemala Worry Doll to fill up the box.

We leave the house at 5:30pm, the dinner is at some restaurant named “Grammy’s”. We get there at 5:45 (party starts at 6pm). There we met Dr. C and his wife. Dr. C is an awesome older man, his wife is very nice, but I think very aware of her station. We stood around looking scared (wife and I) as more and more people arrived. Soon it was packed with 26+ people, I knew half, the other half were of course the first half’s significant others. The wife and I both still kind of stood around, not really fitting in we were talked to by a few of the workers, and my manager, but not for very long. 

The wait/cook staff actually talked to us quite a bit more, we all discussed the world and how things were going and in short I was pleased with the mingling we did with the staff.Dr. C’s wife seemed a bit put off by the fact that wifey and I did not drink, we asked for non-alcoholic drinks (which the staff happily gave us).

Dinner came (an hour after the party officially started, we were starving). We sat next to P and her husband G (names hidden for their privacy). They are both pretty nice (P is the one who works my M-Th shifts now that I am in class). Her husband works as an engineer for a security firm and they both seem very down to earth. L (a dental assistant), El and her Husband (also a dental assistant sat with us along with Dr. C and his wife).

Dinner was awesome, I take my hat of to Grammy’s. True, Gabe cooks better, it by no means diminishes how well they did. I had a vegetarian alfredo dish with Portabello Mushrooms. It was good (but would have later effects I may or may not go into). Dinner at the table went by relatively smoothly, the wait staff kept checking up specifically on me and W and I think it annoyed Dr. C’s wife that they didn’t ask her nearly as much if things were going ok. Its sad, even though I know in my future as a CPA I will have to go to shindigs like that, I would rather be on the other side of the register (working as part of the staff), I am just not comfortable with the official dinner like proceedings.

Oh I forgot to mention the wife and I never approached the appetizer bar before the dinner, it was surrounded by coworkers/significant others and they wouldn’t let the work staff in to refill the appetizers, it was like they didn’t even notice the work staff. I always wondered if thats how it was (you hear it sometimes in movies and books that the help are “invisible”).

After dinner Dr. C’s wife announced that three of the plates (one at each table) had a note under it saying “Merry Christmas” it meant whoever had it won the christmas center piece at each table (really was looking to me like a Kmart center piece of red and green, although I am sure it came from a upper income store). For some reason at our table no one had a note, so Dr. C’s wife had us all pick numbers.

I ended up winning it, however just as I won it, someone at another table had a second note (the notes were not evenly distributed). I told Dr. C’s wife by all means give the center piece to that person, they won it fair and square. Later El commented how gracious I was, I neglected to tell her I thought the center piece was horrible looking and I didn’t want it to begin with, she didn’t need to know that.

After the meal we were informed that we were to go back to Dr. C’s house. The wifey and I got outside and found it incredibly funny to see all these new cars (Lexus SUV, Mercedes Sedan, brand new Ford Ranger pickup) and then there was our rusted out 1989 GMC pickup. We were amused because we knew out of 13 cars, we had the only one paid outright. Sometimes I just look at the money people spend on “high end” products, I just don’t even understand.

We got to Dr. C’s house and it was huge. It was wired for outdoor music, and literally couldn’t have been smaller then 5,000 square feet (and I am sure it was quite a bit bigger then that). It was on prime beach front property and the inside everything was “Neiman Marcus” style. The only really funny thing was there were pictures of their dog “Buster” everywhere.

Now, during this whole time Dr. C would go out of his way to entertain everyone. Please do not confuse my amazement at the height of consumerism going on to imply that Dr. C was nothing but a very genial host who made sure to talk to us repeatedly and to try and make us feel welcome (Dr. W and his wife also were very very nice, Dr W’s wife was a very down home kind of feeling to her, I like her alot).

Dr. C went out of his way several times during the night to offer me and W something first (refreshment, pie, etc). This was going fine and there were numerous tiny conversations we had with others that will probably get talked about over time. Eventually there was the “gift giving” phase. It consisted of us setting all of the gifts in the middle then drawing random numbers. The idea was, when it was your turn you could select a gift and open it. There were two additional gifts (given by Dr. C’s wife), one was a “very good gift” the other was a “gag” gift. Those gifts could not be opened. A person would select a gift they wanted. The next person in line could then either take the first person (or any previous person’s) gift or take a new one. There were lots of funny moments (the digital tire air pressure gauge was very popular and even though it was taken from W by Dr C’s wife (who didn’t even really want it, she just did it to stir things up) I was able to get it back for her and secure the REI card.

It was a cut throat game though, I didn’t think anyone would really push to get those two “unopened” but I saw no holds barred greed as people kept grabbing for those two gifts. Actually it kind of made me sick, it seemed inappropriate for a “Christmas” party, somehow I think Jesus would not approve.

As the party wound down I talked with Dr. W about what I was doing next week. He mentioned that we were very short on time and things had to be done in 10 work days. I looked at him confused and mentioned that the manager had said it would take much longer. Dr. W’s wife looked unhappy for a brief second that my manager thinks that. I then reassured Dr. W that I would take care of it. for him

This means I may be working a lot of hours next two weeks (although part of me wonders if it wont be that bad).

The wife and I then left, came home whereupon I spent most of the night with my stomach/reflux killing me.

So here I am exhausted, in a bad mood from lack of sleep and unable to do anything but nap.

Ankle, Dreams and RIP

I woke up at 4:34 this morning, I felt something pop in my ankle and that was enough to wake me up.  It burns now, but actually it feels more stable. We also found out yesterday that the two fractures in my ankle are older ones (one from age 14 and the other from 2002), but it looks as if my fall on the porch flaked a piece of bone off that newer fracture. I am now wearing a huge stormtrooper looking boot when I am outside, but it is unfortunately way to small so I don’t wear it at home. I am supposed to go in Tuesday to seen an orthopedic Surgeon. The ARNP was worried about my ankle and the future of that ankle.

Unfortunately I am poor with no insurance, I have had an unhealed fracture in that ankle since age 14, I put a second fracture in it because it was weak in 2002 and for the last three years there have been two unhealed fractures. This time it just flaked a piece of bone off. Unfortunately its going to stay this way til I have a miracle occur or win the lottery. Life is pain and its relatively easy to get used to. At least this explains why since high school I can’t run more then two or three blocks without my ankle swelling up (lol guess running on fractures is bad).

Now for the dream:

I had been dreaming that I was on some sort of starship that was parked on a forestry type planet. I had to POV, one was being outside in the grass in front of the ship with some sort of rifle (I think it was supposed to be a Shuriken, but my asleep mind didn’t picture one right) and a group of aggressors were approaching the ship. Evidently we knew them as there was a girl on the other side that was apologizing for what they had to do. I apologized back and didn’t fire at her but started taking out her buddies coming up to the ship.

My POV then changed to inside the ship, the ship rocked a bit from being hit and the fishtank in the ship (about twice the size of the 46 gallon fishtank we have in real life)spilled water out, meanwhile for some reason the snapping turtle we had inside the tank quadrupled in size and ended up filling up most of the 96 gallon tank. The next room was a huge swimming pool and somehow the entire room there was half full of water (not just the pool). I became worried how we could take care of the turtle now that it was so big until we realized we would just let it live in the room with the pool. However at that point in time I realized the ship was listing (I think one of the landing struts was taken out and all I could think was we wouldn’t be able to take off.

I then woke up, got up (sure I woke up W accidently, she has been so fucking good to me its not even believable, I love her so much). I wandered into the living room, fed the cat and the big tank. I turned on the smaller tank’s hood light (the 30 gallon that Lenny and Eve live in) and noticed a problem. Lenny was unmoving behind the driftwood (as in no mouth moving, which is super unusual considering he is always trying to eat 24/7) at the same point Eve had retreated from the light and kept trying to swim under the gravel. I am pretty sure Lenny is gone, and Eve will probably soon follow.

God damn it, I really did like those two, its stupid but I always love my pets, even the fish and its sad to lose them (I have lost tetra’s but they are so small and numerous they count as an overall pet, not as individuals). Damn, Eve was going to rule the fucking world and Lenny was just cute always kissing. Ok, now I just saw the saddest part, Eve keeps trying to push Lenny and swim under him. Lenny used to always have swim bladder problems (he would float upside down, not move, etc) and Eve would always come over and push him around and he would eventually swim with her. Its the saddest thing to see Eve pushing on Lenny (no she isn’t trying to eat him) and he is just there not responding.

God damn what a fucking way to start my day.

No Good Deed – AKA The Day of Suckage.

First and foremost I want to make it clear that I am not complaining about my friends I am doing this for, so please read through, chuckle but don’t think its being said in a way that indicates I am upset with you two.

My day started at an early 5am. I got up and balanced my check book, sent Geico the insurance payment until next January, paid the cable bill and prepared for school. At 7am I had realized I had watched this episode of “the Pretender” (yes I am sad) so I figured I would go check on the kitty’s at Ashcake and Talkswithwind. I have agreed to feed the pretty kitties once a day for a week and then for three more days on the 4th of July and on. I had figured I would get this out of the way so I am driving to Sudden Valley (about a 20 minute drive). It’s not a bad trip out, I enjoyed the ride. 

I then pulled up to the in question house, low and behold I see the “scardiest cat” of the group on their front porch. I went through a quick mental inventory and verified it was her (I had a hard time comprehending why would she be outside as we left all four of them happily eating the night before). I slowly approached hoping I could slide by her and open the door to let her in. As I walked up the stairs she jetted by me and around to where the garage is. I checked the door and it was still locked from yesterday, I figured I would draw her in by leaving the door open and making sounds like I was feeding the other three cats. She did not respond and I did feed the other three cats in order to get them into the side room so I could shut the door and focus more on the outside fourth cat.

I realized that the window over the patio was partially open and the corner of the screen was pushed outwards, A-HA!!! I had discovered the likely escape route. 

As I finished filling the bowl I heard a low throated growl, Jez was watching me and growling. I kind of stood there stupidly trying to figure out why she was growling (although when I got there all three were acting growly and upset, probably because their fourth member was outside the door trying to get in). I put some of the “tasty paste” on my finger and offered it to her. I realized at the last second that was a mistake as she launched herself onto my hand, putting three deep punctures on my left middle finger. I got her off of me and retreated out of the room.

Meanwhile I attempted a third time to call Ashcake but my phone kept dropping the calls. Eventually I called on their land line and she gave me directions to attract the fourth cat. I tried for an hour or two like this (by now it was 10:30 and I had  been here since 7:15 or so) Eventually I attempted to open the garage to let her in but that scared her out of view. I went back out to the front porch and as I walked across the entryway rug on the porch I heard a “crack” and my foot rolled into the hole that now appeared. There was a bit of pain and as I pulled my foot out and walked back into the house I realized my ankle was hurting. I called Ashcake back and explained I hurt my ankle and we agreed I would open the patio door and hope the fourth cat came in on her own.

I then proceeded home where the wife said she believed I had fractured that ankle again. It didn’t feel like that to me but I agreed and we went to Interfaith. I arrived at Interfaith, the doc looked it over and then sent me for an X-ray, she believed it was only a sprain and maybe a torn ligament and gave me an air splint and some meds(plus now I have to take antibiotics for the cat bite because evidently they have really gross bacteria in there). I got an x-ray, they gave me the results and referred me back to Interfaith. I contacted Interfaith (a public health clinic for lower income) and they said they can’t help me, because I would need an orthopedic surgeon, the cheapest way to see one is go to the ER. It turns out that on top of the already “unresolved fracture” from age 14, I now also have a cat bite and a flake fracture of the tip of the lateral malleolus, can only really be fixed by surgery (plus its sprained and probably retore the ligament I tore three years ago on that same ankle.

Well I am broke so I cannot afford the ER nor can I afford to have pins put in my ankle (the needed surgery for my ankle) FUCK AMERICA AND ITS FUCKED UP MEDICAL SYSTEM. So the wife and me went to Hoagland’s Pharmacy, picked up three different scripts, a set of crutches, an otoscope and batteries.

So, in the end, the cost of today.

1. Not enough sleep (thats my fault)
2. Missed all of my classes today.
3. Had to spend a ton of money
     $15 X-ray fee
    $30 medicines
    $30 crutches
    $50 in misc medical supplies (such as ice bag, etc).
  and still an unknown amount owed to Interfaith for seeing me.
This was an expensive day ($135+), and I am tired.

Time to nap now, (btw I dont begrudge watching the kitties, just was a long ass “Ernest Goes to Camp” sort of day).

Tale of the World Turning

Yesterday went well, the game was a little stuttery, a bit stunted but went very well (we had a month off, that always throws the timing off). During game yesterday we had the hot water tank  have issues, that was fun I have to tell you. Looks like we might be spending upwards of $700-800 to replace it.

I called Blythe Plumbing this morning, the only good thing is they will open up an “account” for us if we have a credit card. The advantage of having an account is we can have the plumber come over, fix the water heater and then they will mail us a bill that wont be due for 3-4 weeks as opposed to having to come up with the money all at once.

This is good because we are pretty tight on money, we get our student loans a week from tommorrow so then I can pay it off easily. We also decided to move our living room into our current “game room” and move the game room into the living room. We will have a ton of space now for gaming.

Tonight we have to meet the female halves of two couples who are interested in playing in the Space Game. As always I am a litte nervous meeting new people but this will be great. The game will be a bit bigger then I am comfortable with, but this will make people missing games less of a problem, plus honestly when new people meet our group we always have people who decide they aren’t happy and don’t want to play (or people currently playing that take the opportunity to pull away). 

I just hope the new people are ok with my gaming style, yes there is lots of RP, but also I believe combat does provide a staple of gaming (its like having an action/horror movie, you can have lots of plot, but explosions and gunfire are needed on occaision as well), plus I am always worried that new players don’t like “realistic” style.

My style of gaming consists of this, you pull a gun out there is a chance you will die (there is also a chance if you dont you will still die, but thats a bit rarer). I believe in consequences for in game actions and even though sometimes deaths happen that are my fault, it generally falls within the “there was a better way or the dice just hate you” modes.

I guess between the styles mine is more of a modern approach, you have the old school cowboy movie approach where the good guys (aka the players) can be endangered but will never die or the modern day “Band of Brothers” approach where sometimes even when they do everything right they might die and if they really mess up its pretty guaranteed. I pretty much follow the Band of Brothers approach, this is because as a player I prefer a game that I can possibly die in, whats the point in playing a game you are not in any danger, then the success means alot more if you survive. 

Hell I would love to either run or play in a “survival horror” genre game, even if it means most likely I will lose my character in a couple of sessions. Hey, I will probably run a one or two shot game coming up, maybe I will make it a “survival horror” game.

yes, that sounds interesting.

Decisions

Well after much thought, I decided I am probably going to be switching majors. Since I am going back to WWU I wont be able to get a nursing degree anyways (and it looks like there is no financial aid in that direction for LPN anyways). So, that means I need to look at my WWU options.

I had been going to school for a Computer Science major, however with all the outsourcing, and just the plain fact I dont like generic “coding” I had to rethink my options. I do however very much enjoy working with databases and websites and after talking to Professor Sandvig I think I may go with a Business Adminstration degree with a focus in Management Information Systems. It seems more reliable as far as work goes, plus its more what I am interested in.

Now, normally switching majors in your “senior” year is going to cause problems, however the CS program is so huge at WWU in credits that by me switching I actually wont be taking any longer then I would have staying with CS. My only fear is running out of financial aid before the end.

However I can combat that by working part time to pay for our bills, that way any financial aid we get can go towards either fixing our home or towards savings in case we ever run out of money. Also will be eligible for bigger loans soon, that means worst case scenario just have her take loans out to pay for my part of the schooling.

Either way it will be ok, we are also talking about the possibility of staying at WWU and getting masters (me in business and her in Psychology) that way if we ever wanted to we can just go teach at a community college. Even if I dont get my masters I may decide to get a “teaching certificate” that way I can maybe become a teacher, they have great schedules, contrary to what they say they get paid decent and its a good backup plan if the business world and me dont get along.

that is all for now.

Getting old and hurting

Well I have been up since 5am. I had a job interview at 7am so I didnt bother to go back to sleep. I went to the interview with my back hurting like a dickens (limping along the 6 blocks to the mini-mart) I got there at 645am and they saw me immediately.

It looks like it might be a decent job. Its minimum wage with no pay increase and its 15-25 hours a week but they have a slack dress policy. You can wear T-shirts, have huge earrings and as long as your clothes are clean and not holey its all good. They also work around school schedules and were totally upfront in that they dont expect anyone to be “permanent” its a dead end job and everyone knows it. They should be getting back to me today or at latest tommorrow (either if I get it or I don’t).

My back has been hurting bad last two days. I think its partially the chair (its a good sturdy chair but isn’t very “supportive” of my back. Our computer desk is  very high off the ground (high enough I cannot comfortably put my feet on the ground and I am 6’4″ tall). and there is nothing to rest my feet on. I may in the fall after Weylin moves out move my computer to a more normal “chair height”, my only problem is that the wife did such an awesome job of installing the counter top our computers are on that I feel bad moving it. Then again we have had that computer top for almost 3 years and I don’t think its bad to maybe want to change after that long. If wifey wants to keep the counter I could move the server there. Once again this isn’t a final decision but one I am thinking of so I can use normal office chairs instead of the “bar” height chairs.

Today I have to get Weylin to confirm if he is paying September rent or not. Either way its no biggie he is my friend and one of the best roommates we ever had so if he stays thats cool, it means we get a bit more money, if he leaves by September 1st thats good cuz it gives us the house to ourselves which is always good for a relationship. Either way is good but I always for some reason feel bad asking about that. I dont want him to feel pressured either way.

Gaming is going well, we are playing this Saturday some Shadowrun and I have to get everyone to commit to a Blood Bowl night. Not sure whats going on with Matt’s game but we will see.

Well thats about it for now, update some a little later.

I am tired

Ok, I have had about my last dream of being poor (dreamed all night that we were living under a bridge, lol this probably has something to do with the wife’s rant). I am tired of not being able to buy my wife decent things. I am tired of not supplying her with the stuff she needs to sew. I am tired of looking in the fridge and wondering what the hell are we going to eat now and in general I am frigging tired of no money.

This may seem random but for almost two years now I have been a student, lived on loans and been poor as shit. I am tired of the fact that we don’t have a car because we are too poor (dont get me wrong, going to school we have found we don’t need the car and we get along well without it, but I am tired as hell of being stuck in a house on Sundays and anytime after 6pm).

I am tired of finals, I am tired of 18 year olds that I have to listen to who tell me how they have seen life. they haven’t seen shit. I am tired of teachers that dont give a damn, dont help thier students and in general are just fucked up. 

I am tired of having to save up so once a month me and wifey can go to Denny’s. I am tired of not being able to repair my computer. I am tired of my teeth fucking falling apart and I don’t have the money to do anything about it. I am tired of everyone telling me “you only have two more years, (ya right, its closer to 3). I am tired of in-laws that are freaked out at me, I am tired of sisters that only call me up to use me. I am tired of friends who end up owing me money and weeks later still cant finish paying me.

Funny thing is I have gotten my forth notice from the military trying to get my interest (lol I would figure they dont want a 31 year old, chunky out of shape guy, but I guess they get desperate). I have seriously considered this. I am sure the spousal unit doesn’t think I take it serious  (I have) but right now I am sooo tired of not having a steady paycheck, I am soo tired of cranking out 12,000 of debt every year and I am sooo tired of not being able to afford shit.

I am seriously considering at this moment of going down to part time (6 credits a quarter – so I dont have to start paying back loans and I can continue my education at a slower pace) and going to work full time so we dont have to borrow any more money from the government and so we can afford to go out to eat, buy things we want and have some enjoyment. I am too damn old for this shit to be this poor and not try and fix it.

I am also damn tired of everyone telling me to not stress, by far this fucking pisses me off the most. They dont have to live in my mind or my situation, most of these  people can always go back to mommy and daddy, yet for some perverse reasons the gods have decided to have me born into a family that i have to support. Unlike every fricken one else that i know.

They all have parents they can borrow from or at the very least the parents are able to take care of themselves. Me, I am born into a family where I have  to support my fricken parents because years of drug and alcohol abuse have fucked them up, their bodies and their minds. I mean don’t get me wrong I  love them and thats why I try and support  them when I can (and when I make enough money to buy land I will move them on to it) because I do believe in taking care of them, but I get soo damn tired of everyone else just patting me on the back and saying they understand. No they don’t, lying pieces of shit.

I am friggen tired of being poor, at this exact moment I am not sure what I am going to do, but I need to alleviate our money problems.

Sorry, I am going to stop now because now I am just winding up tighter and getting angrier and its not something you guys deserve.

Dream 2-14-2003 (Happy Fucking Valentines day)

Ok, I just woke up from a fucked up dream so I figured I would start writing them down.

It was afternoon, I think it was Bellingham but its hard to be sure. The wife and I walked into this small shop that contained a lot of alternate lifestyle (eg, punk not gay) items. They had a lot of books, rings, whips, etc just about anything I could think of. The people that ran the shop were a couple. A super skinny alternative looking boy and his girlfriend who was also super tiny.

They both were mostly unclothed, barely had enough clothing on to be allowable in public, but I didnt mind to much. We wandered around the store, there were some cool things but nothing outstanding. Of course the guy was long winded and had the “I am so cool” attitude and was dismissive towards me, focusing all his energies on the wife (this should have been a warning sign to me, but all I felt in the dream was an annoyance at him, the way he acted to me is very similar to the way most of the people Doug and Jay hung out with acted towards me).

Meanwhile the cute punk girl was jabbering to me about things, I really wasn’t going to buy us anything because we were broke but I looked up and the wife was picking up things she liked so I was going through my wallet, its rare when the wife wants to actually buy something so I generally like buying it.

She brought over a large stack of stuff to the guy behind the counter, meanwhile the girl was jabbering to me quietly about different books, etc. I was leafing through a book when out of the corner of my eye I see The wife pull the boy’s pants down and start giving him a blowjob. I looked up confused for a moment, the punk girl was right next to me and mostly naked now, I got the impression at that exact moment that I could have sex with her if I wanted and nothing seemed untoward about the situation.

All of a sudden the I got the same exact gut wrenching feeling of rage that I haven’t felt in a long while, the urge to cave the punk boy’s head in .

The rage hit me so hard I immediately woke up incredibly angry and hurt. I still am feeling the same angry buzz I felt that night. I just don’t know why I am so upset.

I will stop now, I have no idea what I am doing or saying and Weylin just woke up and is roaming around so its not a thing I wish to dwell on. It was just a gut wrenching dream and I felt I needed to start a dream journal to maybe work through some of the fears/feelings I get from the dreams.