Rough day (transphobia)

Yesterday was harder than normal, and represents the third day in about a week of hostile encounters. I realize this is the new normal, but I figured I would share them.

The day started with me going to Safeway to pick up some paper bowls. I was wandering the paper bowl/plate aisle when two older black guys come wandering up. As a clarification this is not the same guys who were at Safeway in my earlier post.  I knew this was going to be an issue because they had parked in front of me outside and had been talking to each other and pointing at me.

To be honest I was worried, which is something I haven’t gotten used to, as they both walked up. The smaller guy within about 3-4 feet of me. They started talking with me and started getting pushy on who I was. The biggest thing I remember was them both saying “What is up with this shit” and then hand waving at my clothes and boobs.

I sputtered for a few moments not sure what was going on and eventually figured I was going to get hurt so I went off about how they would hate losing to a girl with a bigger dick then them. By no means did I think I would win any confrontation. I am a hundred pounds lighter then I was, and a good chunk of that was muscle. My husband tends to be stronger than myself now. However, my feral childhood and parents instilled a “last great act of defiance” mode and I guess I hit it in panic.

Surprisingly both guys just stopped and watched me. They then looked at each other, nodded and walked away. I don’t by any means think I may have intimidated them, but I do think I made the cost of any more harassment not worth it to them and I will take it.

I couldn’t figure out why they approached me though, until my husband brought up he thought that they might believe I was a pro. That they were seeing if maybe I was for hire. It sort of makes sense, I know there are chasers out there and I saw my husband get propositioned a few times (and heard about it even more) before he transitioned. It makes a little more sense, and wit that knowledge I think next time I will handle it different.

Even so, that wasn’t the thing that bothered me most that day, that was still coming up.

I got to work and a couple hours later I was talking with a couple of my lady coworkers. It was confirmed by one of them that there is a large selection of women who won’t use the restroom if I am in there. I am fairly sure they are the same ones that don’t respond if I say hi, or walk away.

To be honest I am not surprised. It is fairly common that I will be sitting in a stall and a lady will come in, stop and turn around even though there are other open stalls. This happens even faster if I am standing at the sink putting makeup on, or washing my face. A large portion of women will step in, look at me directly and just turn around and leave. I have even said hi when they come in, they just stare at me and walk away without saying anything.

I know that is weird because most women who don’t run from me won’t stop talking to me in the bathroom (which also freaks out my socialized as a boy self… but I am getting past that).

I have seen it in other places such as the lunchroom where a group of women will start whispering when I come in the room. I figure it is something about me, or my clothing. It is worse though when I step into a room and a bunch of women stop talking and they all just watch me get into the fridge and get my lunch. I think the silence is worse.

None of this is new, the being accosted is something I am starting to expect outside. However, the work situation bothers me a lot. I don’t like it when people I am around are uncomfortable about me, or actively hate what I am (there are a couple that do that).

The one good thing about my coworker confirming that, is it confirmed I wasn’t crazy or misreading people. At least I know I am seeing clearly and that is important to me.

Anxiety, Insomnia and a Weird day.

Well here it is, 4am and I have just woke up with an anxiety attack/weird dreams. Even though its about other things I am sure the anxiety attack/waking up/insomnia is because its awfully warm, because my caffiene addiction hasn’t been satiated and because I am worried about my grades.

I had a weird day yesterday. Woke up from weird dreams, got up and puttered around the house with a food hangover and waited for my sister to show up to pick up the mattress. Of course she was  late but this was expected. She showed up with my little brother Derek and we commenced trying to move the queen size mattress into my sister’s van.

It was rather like keystone cops, the rain was pouring down, gusts of wind up to 45mph (not joking) and it took us over 20 minutes to get it into the van, in the end I got stuck between the seat and the van but managed to after some time slip out of the seat. Fortunately the spouse was laughing too much to remember to get the camera until it was over.

So we traveled down to my parent’s neighbor (who we are taking the mattress to for free just to get it out of my house). We spend another ten minutes wiggling it out of the van with much carnage and in the wind and rain we finally got it to our neighbor’s porch. Right in front of our neighbor’s porch is an extremely smooth area, my feet being wet made it a slippery ride and I ended up twisting my ankle (still hurts too).

Upon completion we went over to my parents for awhile, ankle hurting, cold, wet and rainy. Being a non-smoker of course all the smoke in the room came to me and  my allergies kicked up. Then me and  Derek decided to go see Gothika, we have my sister drop me and him off at the “mall” area (not an actual indoor mall, just where the theater, foodstore, rite-aid were). After going to the grocery store,  picking up snacks we went and bought tickets and waited in the lobby of the theater. We were told that the room wasn’t ready yet and we waited, by the time the movie was supposed to start we had heard the movie place workers talking about blood, someone bleeding, they had called the cops, etc. It seemed like something was going down.

About 10 minutes later as many people waited to go see the movie in the lobby they decided to cancel the movie. I was pretty unhappy due to the fact we had spent over an hour total waiting for the movie, we would have to wait another 30 minutes for the bus and then another 30 minute bus ride. What a waste of a day. We would have just gone to a later showing but we had a CS match that evening (last night, which we won by the way).

So fast forward us at the bus stop, we had been there over 15 minutes in the howling rain/wind. Then along comes two drunks. a drunk white guy and his Indian woman. So drunk off thier ass they could barely walk (and when they got to the bus stop they just reeked of alcohol and were drinking some Steel Reserve, nasty. Then I looked down and noticed the guy was bleeding like a stuck pig from his hand, I am not talking a little blood, seriously his white shoes were almost a solid red across the top of them.

He refused to listen to his wife/girlfriend about covering the cut and he just tossed a large white set of tissues that were crimson over most of the tissues themselves. I asked them if they had been to the theater and they smiled and said yes, they went and saw Gothika earlier in the day. So here was the reason I had wasted almost an hour before the “Movie” and now another hour after the movie due to its being cancelled.

The bus arrived, Derek told the bus driver that the guy behind us was drunk and bleeding. She refused to let him on board and told him he needed to take care of a bleeding injury like that because it was a bio-hazard. I shit you not, he was still bleeding like a stuck pig (drinking alcohol tends to make you bleed more, guess he had a lot of alcohol).

Well eventually he and his girlfriend left but the bus driver had to stay where she was while she cleaned up all the blood he had leaked on the front entrance to the bus (the hand rail, the steps, the door). So she was almost  15 minutes late getting back on route because of the same asshole that made me not see my movie. And people wonder why I dont drink.

Well later that night we played Counter-Strike as our first match known as the Bad News Bears (first 5v5 match at least) we won and that was good.

Then Derek (who was staying the night) found out my sister did have his money she borrowed but he had to go out to her, so he had to leave (and couldnt spend the night because of it) because my sister wont necessarily have the money if he waits. So it screws our plans up to see the movie. A perfect ending for a weird day full of disaster “Bradley Style”.

You will notice that my post has become very short at the end of the last two paragraphs. Thats because I am now exhausted and am going back to bed and seeing if I can sleep a couple of hours.

Red headed meth surprise

Well this morning I left my house at 7am to go visit my parents before school. Things proceeded well until my trip home via the bus.  Now let me give you some background on the two buses that go by our trailer. The two routes are just mirrors of each other, they only go once an hour and they mostly provide transportation for 2 mental health services.

What does this mean to you you may ask? It means the bus is always full of people who have mental problems. Dont get me wrong, I never have a problem riding the bus with people who have problems, some of the nicest people are mentally handicapped. The problem is many of these “head cases” are not physically handicapped (or mentally, brain wise handicapped) rather they are drug users who are ordered by the court system to go to counseling. This results in an unusual amount of memorable experiences on this bus route.

Well at 9am on my way home I am sitting in the back of the bus, trying not to notice that the entire bus smells like ass, its 90 degrees in there and many people who dont shower (not cuz they are homeless, just that they are dirty). My attention was drawn to a red head that came on the bus. Now something you should know right off, I have always been attracted to red heads, they seem to be attracted back to me, and they almost always are psycho and the worst possible thing for me.

Now this red head walks down a mostly empty bus and decides to sit right beside me. She turns to me and smiles. Now she would be considered cute, she was probably taller by an inch or two then Wife she was incredibly thin and had huge breasts (I pretty much tagged her as a stripper at first so I figure those are fake, which is fine). After she sits I notice she probably hasn’t showered in awhile.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the smell of girls but she had an acidy smell that I associate with someone who is coming down from a hit of acid (they have a particular odor, not stinky BO, its more of a chemical smell), I have also noticed this smell on people who do a lot of Meth. Well she turned to me and smiled and I noticed she wasn’t just thin, but Auschwitz thin. Her skin was drawn back against her body and I could have probably fit her entire body under my shirt. I also noticed her hair was unwashed and had a greasy texture in it. She wore jeans and a t-shirt but she was way too skinny (I love girls who have hips).

The first thing she does is turn to me, smile and then run her hand through my blue hair. She muttered something about how cute it was. I was frozen in shock. This was the first time I disliked having my hair touched like that (a lot of times the Japanese exchange students, mostly girls, ask to touch it and then titter and never had a problem with that). She then asked if I had a cigarette. I told her no I didnt and I went back to looking out the window. After a couple minutes I realized she was continuing to speak to me. She asked me what was I doing tonight?

My first words out of my mouth was “Not you”

I then realized how rude that was but she didnt catch it, or understand it, or even care (maybe she then thought it was a challenge). She then continued to talk to me and occasionally brush her hand against me. Now normally I am a very crude, and forward man. I can dish out insults and I have never had a problem stepping up to the biggest guy if needed. However this girl was freaking me out. Fortunately her stop (at the minimart I used to work at) came and she got off. She muttered something about maybe seeing me later. Then my stop came and I got off the bus and ran home to the wife. This made me definately happy I was married.

That was a definite strange encounter and it just shows me redheads are my bane.