Dream: Working at Bob Rude’s Auto Shop

Ok, I had this strange dream this morning.

It started with me working at Bob Rude’s auto shop. We were inside the shop busily working with a bladed machine thats used to grind things. Well of course one of the monkeys in the shop was screwing around and shattered the blade that flew all over the room, cut me up pretty badly and this one other guy as well.

We were rushed to the hospital and were released later that night. I walked down the alley that runs beside Bob’s shop (but in the dream it was different, his place was on a hill). I look down the alley and infront of the shop I see this girl laying on a tree stump, she has a cup laying on her chest and she is only wearing a bra and panties. I notice the girl is looking further down the alley talking to someone, she has blond hair, she has tattoos around her upper arms and a slaneesh symbol on her left thigh. I stop and duck around the corner to listen.

The girl then gets up (I still haven’t seen her face) and she goes inside the shop with this guy. I follow her into the shop and see that she is not visible, except on the couch is a huge blanket pulled over two people giggling and I see a tuft of blonde hair and hear a little bit of moaning.

Problem being I was going out with that girl and she was someone I loved. 

I always hate the stabbed in the back, cant breathe feeling.

Then in real life…
I then woke up (it was 330am and drifted in and out of sleep for an hour before getting up), Meanwhile a certain blonde haired girl got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I always do love that Slaneesh tattoo on her left thigh.

Funny thing is, I know she loves me and wouldn’t cheat on me, and if for some reason an “accident” happened it definitely wouldn’t be any of the monkeys at Bob Rude’s shop (probably wouldn’t even be a boy).

*note from 9/2018, that girl is my current husband, yes same person and same tattoo, just different outer body.

Last Dream of the Year

I woke up a few minutes ago from a bad dream. This was a more conventional bad dream then my usual anxiety dreams I have had the past few weeks. It wasn’t a fear of aging, death, religious crises, etc. It just seemed to be the beginning of a normal “horror movie” type bad dream.

It started with me and Wifey entering a contest to stay over the weekend at a haunted house. The wierd part is that the location was at a local Old Bon Marche building downtown. The inside of the Bon Marche had evidently fell into disuse, but whoever was running this contest was repairing parts of it on the inside (it was a lot of repair platforms, etc). The weird part is in the middle of the old bon marche building it opened up into an outdoor university campus (very similar to western with the red brick, however much much older and close together). The people running the contest got very weird, they said we would be locked in for 48 hours, and that one of the two weekend nights we could not go to bed or sleep. At no point could we use any electronics, nor could we use any of the lighting or heating (we would have to burn wood or something like that).

It was weird, the entire place felt wrong. Something in me knew this was an extremely bad idea (I kept feeling like “something” – not someone- was watching). A few minutes before preparation was over I turned and told that this was a bad idea. She told me to be quiet and shew as going to do it anyways (for some reason when she said it, it reminded me of the story wrote entitled “Paul’s Story”).

At this moment some asshole came over and insulted my wife, it was a bad enough insult I persued him half a block down (there were literally dozens of people packed around waiting for the “weekend contest” to begin, the contest said if we survived a weekend here, we would win something, sorta like a radio contest that sometimes happens). As I  persued him it seemed to me we were walking down the road that runs next to Western (High Street, just as it reaches the gates to Western itself). I turned and looked back at the crowd in front of the Bon Marche Building and turned back to the guy that insulted me. The guy was no longer a guy, now he/she was a tall red head that as I walked up to was hit by a small foreign car, she fell over and her neck was at a bad angle when she hit the sidewalk (she was in the street when she got hit). Now the whole time I had a bad feeling this wasn’t a “normal” incident happening to begin with. I turned back, yelled that she got hit by a car and ran over to see if she was ok.

No one moved, no one seemed to care and I realized that somehow the “Haunted College/Bon Marche” had set up this person to die, I knew that a weekend of terror and blasphemy awaited in the Bon Marche and I tried to convince to not go, she still insisted.

I then woke up to having my hand (in real life) wrapped up in a bunch of powercords that lay next to my side of the bed (our bed is only 4-5 inches off the ground at most). woke up, told me to go to bed, but I got up because I have to be up at 6am anyways.

Wierdly enough, I was happier to have a normal “bad dream” then one of the horrible anxiety dreams I had for weeks.

Christmas 2003

First off, Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Merry Solistice to everyone.

Yesterday went well, saw my parents and both siblings and my niece Cass and nephew Josh. Got home and played some E&B and roleplayed some. I woke up this morning choking though. Sometimes I will wake up choking and unable to breathe.

We have always wondered if I sleep apnea plus something is going on with the valve on my stomach and sometimes I get reflux. The worst times (like this morning) are when I get reflux and it spills over into my breathing. But I woke up choking, waking up poor Wifey (which I am sure didnt please her) The choking went away and as I laid down I get a sudden anxiety attack like I was having earlier this month. I got up, showered and now its gone, but now my shoulder is cramped.

lol Merry Christmas it is I guess 🙂

Today’s  plan is to watch court shows, watch some movies and be stranded because there is no buses.

When I was talking to my parents they may move out of county, this means I do need to fix my car or get a new one if they do it. Even though it makes me nervous they might move out of range for me (in case there is an emergency) I think in the end it might be better for them to get away from stresses of other people (most especially my sister). It would give them a chance to relax and be self sufficent. LOL I wonder if this is how parents feel about children.

Well my shoulder/back aches enough I am going to go lay down on the couch, talk soon…

Oh, and did I say Merry Xmas/Hannukah/Solstice to all of you?

Dream and update

I had an intense all-night dream involving me being a “Jeckle and Hyde” type creature (I thought it was a “Hulk” thing at first). I was a murderer when I was a human but when I became the monster I felt remorse and tried to help. There was a lot more to the dream then that but I have been up for about 2 hours and have forgotten most of it. Maybe I will start a second journal just for dreams.

Other then that, things are going well, I am waiting to hear from the mini-mart but I got a feeling the reason they asked me to wait til Monday to find out was that they hired people and they wanted to see if they would work out before they gave me a final answer.

Tomorrow I am going with sage to see Tomb Raider 2 and probably go back to looking for work Wednesday (if I dont get hired today). I also need to call Manpower and bitch at them for not calling me in for temp work.

Overall I dont really need to work, its just nice to have the extra money. There are some things I want to buy for the wife and being broke doesn’t help.

My dad is really pushing I should try webdesign to make money (currently I have helped out several people with thier sites) and maybe he is right. I will think about it.

Other then that I am listening to the wife snore in the other room. She is soo cute, it always has this little birdie sound to it. Sometimes it just amazes me how much I love her, even just sitting and listening to her snore.

well thats it for now. I am starting to post more so you should read more shortly.

Dream 2-14-2003 (Happy Fucking Valentines day)

Ok, I just woke up from a fucked up dream so I figured I would start writing them down.

It was afternoon, I think it was Bellingham but its hard to be sure. The wife and I walked into this small shop that contained a lot of alternate lifestyle (eg, punk not gay) items. They had a lot of books, rings, whips, etc just about anything I could think of. The people that ran the shop were a couple. A super skinny alternative looking boy and his girlfriend who was also super tiny.

They both were mostly unclothed, barely had enough clothing on to be allowable in public, but I didnt mind to much. We wandered around the store, there were some cool things but nothing outstanding. Of course the guy was long winded and had the “I am so cool” attitude and was dismissive towards me, focusing all his energies on the wife (this should have been a warning sign to me, but all I felt in the dream was an annoyance at him, the way he acted to me is very similar to the way most of the people Doug and Jay hung out with acted towards me).

Meanwhile the cute punk girl was jabbering to me about things, I really wasn’t going to buy us anything because we were broke but I looked up and the wife was picking up things she liked so I was going through my wallet, its rare when the wife wants to actually buy something so I generally like buying it.

She brought over a large stack of stuff to the guy behind the counter, meanwhile the girl was jabbering to me quietly about different books, etc. I was leafing through a book when out of the corner of my eye I see The wife pull the boy’s pants down and start giving him a blowjob. I looked up confused for a moment, the punk girl was right next to me and mostly naked now, I got the impression at that exact moment that I could have sex with her if I wanted and nothing seemed untoward about the situation.

All of a sudden the I got the same exact gut wrenching feeling of rage that I haven’t felt in a long while, the urge to cave the punk boy’s head in .

The rage hit me so hard I immediately woke up incredibly angry and hurt. I still am feeling the same angry buzz I felt that night. I just don’t know why I am so upset.

I will stop now, I have no idea what I am doing or saying and Weylin just woke up and is roaming around so its not a thing I wish to dwell on. It was just a gut wrenching dream and I felt I needed to start a dream journal to maybe work through some of the fears/feelings I get from the dreams.

Feeling like crap

This morning I woke up feeling like shit physically, mentally and emotionally. I probably will call the boys in a little bit and cancel hanging out. I think I got a cold, combine that with the shit my sister pulled and the stress I am feeling about my dad being in jail all in all makes me a nasty guy at the moment.

I hate the world and I am just hoping someone gives me lip so I can beat them into the ground (ok I wont, and I know thats a bad thing, but thats the crappy mood I am in).

I am a little stressed about our car situation, its not for me or the wife, we both do fine without a car, its my mom, she has some major surgical stuff coming up and my dumbass meth-head sister is never reliable to her or my dad. I get worried on how she will get places. I probably wont try and get the car fixed, its just something I am a little fixated on and worried about.

Brother, me, mom, sister – January 2003

I have thought about it and I have to put my tattoo off til at least March (unless I get a job before then, then I can spend money on Tats). I do have the money in my pocket for the outlining of it, but I dont feel I can contribute that money for it. The wife’s back is hurting and she is saving up for a mattress that will help, and honestly as far as priorities go she is my ultimate number one priority, I would drop anything in my life for her needs and would kill someone for her if it was needed (and there are people out there rolling their eyes about that, lol its funny because its true).

I lucked out when I found someone to be so devoted to that she doesn’t take advantage of it. She needs a good mattress and her feeling better physically means she is happier which in the end makes me happier.

I am also slightly frustrated with my clan, dont get me wrong I have a reliable core (Yog, Astarte, Deep One, Tsathoggua, Nng and a couple of others) but the rest only bitch about wanting admin access and how they try to split hairs on the requirements for the clan. I have the strongest urge to go through and fire 50% of the clan just to par it down, but I wont. I feel I need to do it right and give them every opportunity to show me they want to be in it for any other reason then admin access on the public server.

If finances are poor next quarter they will be surprised when I reduce the server to a 12 man private server for matches only, Some would say but “Lilith is already paying for a 12 man private server” but if I reduced it down I would have her stop paying as I think its my responsibility to provide the server and no sense in having two private servers unless we branched out into DoD (which I wouldnt mind). On a good note practices have been extremely good, a large turnout and people seem excited about the upcoming competitions. I think Nng is right, I am too nice sometimes, maybe I will cut that back.

As for the rest of my personal life in this crappy mood I am in consists mostly of C++ projects and ASP.Net projects (which when I learn ASP will rock, because then I can program a database for Dying Light that is self updating and completely set up so anyone can access thier characters on the internet, buy thier own skills and print out thier own tags before game. Thus reducing Logistics to new players and me maintaining the database and ensuring no errors occur. WOOOT totally automated and accurate logistics I can not even imagine that.

Well Crappiness is still with me, better contact the boys.

Dad in Jail

Well, its Saturday afternoon and I am exhausted.

Its been a long week for me. I found out December 30th that my dad got busted for old DUI warrants from 4 1/2 years ago and now he is in jail. On top of this the next day he went before the one judge in all of the county that hates his guts (the judge specifically reversed the order of the cases so my dad would go last, even the Bailiff was a little weirded out about how the judge did that).

The rub of this is that this was also the last day this judge would be around, he was retiring starting the next day. Not only did he slap 1.5 times the normal bail, he then turned around, doubled it again and told the court that my father could not use a bail bond for his bail, he would have to post with cash only.

Now even with all these hiked up numbers it comes to only $7,000 but no one in my family has that kind of money so my dad sits in jail. I got to visit him today, actually he was much better looking then he has for awhile. They don’t allow smoking or drinking in jail so my dad is starting to feel better (he has emphysema but keeps smoking like a chimney). He looks healthier and he has a lot of his old energy. I am pretty sure that in the end this is the best thing that could have happened to him because it gets his past behind him and now he will deal with the results and move on.

Jimbo (L) and Dad (R)

It was a pain in the butt to go visit though, I hate jails (when I was a kid he got in a lot of fights and was in jail a good amount of the time) and of course this brought back all the old memories. I have been in a black mood all day and probably mostly due to this experience (anticipating the trip to  visit my father in jail). Well its over now, I feel remarkably better, he seemed happier if you could believe it.

Don’t get me wrong, my dad is an awesome guy, he just likes his alcohol alot (probably the biggest reason I dont drink, alcoholism runs in the family pretty badly). He is pretty intent on quitting drinking and smoking (which may sound like something anyone would say when in this situation but he normally will not admit to quitting anything longer then “a few weeks” this is the first time in a long long time he has told me he intends on quitting permanently).

So on the way home I used some saved up money, bought two steaks, some salad makings and some mushrooms to use with the steak and I plan on cooking the wife some dinner later tonight, too exhausted to do it right now. Maybe I will go play some CS.

I am getting heavy eyelid syndrome so I will sign off now, everyone have a good day.

Update

Well, here it is early monday morning. My little brother stayed over last night and slept on the couch (ok little is a misnomer, he is 9 years younger then me – but that still makes him 22- and he is only slightly shorter then me and his shoulders are half again wider, lol the word little is so cute for him).

Yesterday we went to amtguard, that was a lot of fun except now my ankle and knee hurts like a bitch. Weirdly enough they hurt more today then they did yesterday, I really hope I didn’t screw it up again. If it continues to hurt (the ankle specifically) I will need to go back into the doctors. The  problem being is my left ankle has an unresolved fracture from when I was 14, basically that means that when I broke one of my ankle bones when I was 14, it never healed. I am glad I found out about my ankle because I always felt like such a wuss when I would go jogging or fall on it or whatever and it would just hurt.

Also I am feeling much less stressed now with my school changes, I got a lot of emails from my clan members about renewing MU and I think will do that. I dont have the money to support the server but several members have volunteered to help and if they are willing to put in that much commitment I am willing to helm the massive ship known as Miskatonic University (name of our clan for CS).

I think I wont invite anyone over today, I think I have been neglecting my little wifey-poo, maybe I will just make it a me and her day because we know everyone will be over for buffy tommorrow.

On a happier note, I have been able to spend a lot more time with my little brother, he tends to be the only other one in my family who doesn’t get sucked into wierd “drug” deals/alcholism etc, and me and the wife are really trying to provide as much other entertainment for him so he doesnt follow the path of my parents and sister. Its wierd as I was growing up my friends thought I had the coolest parents because they partied (basically my family are all bikers), dont get me wrong I do think they were great parents but the aspect my friends liked was the one aspect I hated. LOL its funny now but it wasn’t back then.

Well I better get ready for school, talk later.

UW Seattle and Spouse Nightmare

Update note: I refer to my wife, that is indeed the same person that is currently my husband. 

I have been having nightmares for the past 4 days in a row and even though they are different they feel like they are getting worse. Normally I would tell the wife unit but she has been freaked out by her parents and sister and I haven’t felt I had the right to burden her. So what am I going to do? Yes I am going to burden all of you by making you hear about my nightmare from last night.

First I should give you some background. I occasionally will have streaks of nightmares. I haven’t had a horrible streak of nightmares in a few years but when I was younger I would have long streaks of wake up screaming nightmares. Usually it starts as fall approaches and I just noticed its fall again. Hmm coincidence? I think not.

Some other background info, when I was young (in high school) I got picked on by the jocks. The funny thing is I used to be a football player for neighborhood leagues but I got tired of the competition so I gave it up and my family moved up to B’ham. So while I went to high school in B’ham I had long hair and ratty clothes.

For the first few days I got picked on mercilessly, I think this is because the jocks knew I had not made any friends yet so there was no “clique” that would protect me. I tolerated the picking on for a while but I felt more and more trapped and one morning in jock hall (I had to walk down jock hall to go to my Drama class) they started taunting me again. Honestly what happened next was kind of a blur but I found myself picking out the biggest football player and like a screaming banshee I grabbed him threw him against a locker, kneed him several times and began pounding his face screaming I was going to bury him and the rest of the football team in the back field.

Now most of you who know me in real life must realize at the time I was 6 inches shorter and about 100lbs lighter (about 5’10 150 lbs or so). When I recovered from my temporary freak out the jocks had moved about 10 feet away from me and the burly guy I was holding was crying. I released him and walked away.

The weird thing is the principle was not informed by the jocks and they gave me a wide birth for the rest of my high school experience (I even became friends with a couple of the cooler jocks). Although to this day people who taunt me just piss me off, probably a holdover from this time period. Well I think that is enough of a background of what I think is relevant issues (well there are others but I don’t want to go into them, they are too personal to wish to post). Well here it is, the dream that freaked me out.

The wife had super short hair again (for some reason that’s my favorite) and was wearing some of her clothes that enhance what she looks like (e.g. short and leathery). We were both going to UW in Seattle and it appeared that we were both in some sort of lecture hall with low lighting. I was listening to the professor when I looked over and this girl was glaring at me for some unknown reason. I became very uncomfortable when I noticed three different guys glaring at me. They all had the “I am a jock but trying to look alternative” appearance and they began throwing shit at me and threatening me, this of course reminded me of high school and I felt a freak out coming.

Eventually the class ended with me having a small frenzy, I grabbed one of their desks flipped it over and explained in a very low voice to his ear that I would kill him if he didn’t leave me and mine alone. Well the three of them (with the girl) left the room and I had this feeling the shit was going to hit the fan so I caught up to my spouse outside the room. I found that she was talking and laughing with those three boys and yes I admit I am a jealous person but I didn’t feel it was my right to stop her from talking to people. They wrote their phone numbers on her arm and left.

I had this feeling I was going to have to fight all three of them at a time, I wasn’t scared of fighting them but I was worried about going to jail for giving the three of them a beat down. I got an extendable nightstick and hung it off my belt (you never know when they might jump you). Then spousal unit and I went outside and found ourselves in downtown Seattle. We wondered up a small street and sitting on a ledge by the street we saw our friend Kailey.

We sat down and talked, and the spouse told me she forgot something and she would be right back. Well I sat with Kailey talking and horsing around when after awhile I noticed she had not come back and I was becoming increasingly worried that something might have happened to her. Eventually I told Kailey I would be back later, got up and headed back into the school. Weirdly enough I found both my brother and my mother in the school but both claimed to not have seen her (and even in my dream state I thought it was weird to see both of them there).

I wandered through school until I noticed a line of boys at a doorway. Someone was taking money from them. There was the biggest pit in my stomach as I noticed that the guy taking money was the redhead of the three guys I got into the yelling match with. Part of me did not want to know and walk away. I knew what was going on, I could feel it in my gut. I whipped out my nightstick and hit the first jock so hard I heard a soft cracking sound and he dropped like a stone. I stepped in and saw the other two giggling and going over a pile of money. To my left I saw movement on a table (all I could make out where handcuffs and writhing on the table) and for some reason in my dream I knew what was happening but I couldn’t force my dream self to look.

I stepped forward and in a short time I dropped the other two jocks pretty quickly, the sounds of it reminded me of when I was 16 and did drop a jock with a baseball bat after he hit me with it first. I turned around and for a brief second I saw the spousal unit and this boy silhouetted, she was staring at me and I woke up (my gut felt on fire, I think my ulcers might be coming back) and the reason I woke up is because she was angry at me and I was unable to determine whether it was because I interrupted her and something she wanted to do or because I was late in rescuing her.

This dream freaked me out this morning so badly I had to get up and puke in our main bathroom. I realize by reading this, someone who was not me may not understand why its so horrific and it freaked me out so bad but I felt I needed to write it down and tell others and maybe I can prevent my dreams continuing on a downward spiral.