This was originally a Facebook post I posted earlier this morning, so if it isn’t cogent… I blame Facebook.
People make me tired. This is a long rant so please scroll on by if you are inclined.
I was in a line at Safeway yesterday standing behind this older looking guy (but probably not really any older than me). He is a little shorter than me and I am dressed in my blue skirt and a black top (with red under shirt). I am grumpy, but I am feeling fairly good with my look.
He stares at me, looks away, turns back and stares again but this time makes some sort of “hrummph” sound, looks away, looks back and makes a motion with his hand and mutters “what?” Continue reading “Tired…”
It turns out that my day didn’t end with my Safeway Encounter, but rather was a long continuation as I stopped at People’s Park to eat a yogurt and then went to the Main Street Gas and Grocery to get some lotto tickets for my husband (it is right across the street from People’s Park).
I have been to the store a few times, and there is a gentleman who is always there. He is always polite to me, but I can’t tell if its in a weird way (almost an “interested” look, but I am too new to this to know for sure). However it was the closest place to Safeway to get a lotto ticket (Safeway couldn’t sell any).
I went in there, pulled cash from the machine and walked up to the counter behind an old and very drunk hispanic man who kept telling everyone that he didn’t want Trump to send him away.
I am waiting there and he turns and notices me and says “wow you are tall beautiful”… obviously super drunk. Don’t get me wrong, flattering and all but I still don’t pass and I knew he was drunk. He obviously caught up to that a few moments later.
His face screws up in a question… “are you a man or woman?” He has that drunk voice, as he sways a bit. I smile but was a bit more uncomfortable and was all of a sudden a little more wary. The man is half my size so he isn’t a threat, but I was still a little wary.
I say “I am a woman, it cost a lot of money to become one.” The gentleman who works/owns the store smiles when I say that and nods, and is already starting to tell the drunk to leave me alone.
The drunk seemed confused and started talking when the store guy starts yelling for him to leave the woman alone. The fact he referenced me as a woman without blinking made me feel good. Meanwhile the drunk takes a few moments as he takes my hand. He leans forward and drunkenly says
“Don’t let anyone say you aren’t beautiful.”
I have seen that kind of shifting in opinions of drunks, and it wasn’t unexpected. I was partially happy to get the compliment but I wanted to get out of there before things went awry. As I left the store guy walked up to the homeless guy yelling at him to leave the woman alone and buzzing a taser threateningly. The old guy left, I left.
I talked with my hubby I found out a man had been stabbed in the parking lot and died there at 1pm the previous Thursday (one week exactly before).
Today was a strange set of encounters, two of them to be exact. Both put me in uncomfortable situation and both of course involved being transgendered. I was wearing my blue striped dress and was out auditing one of the agencies and things were fine until I went to the local Safeway (in a bad area of town).
As I exited Safeway, I noticed in front of me an older lady walking to her car. Behind her was a small man (I believe was homeless) following after her, with a second homeless man watching from the other side of the entryway into the store. It bothered me, something seemed off.
Just seeing how the man was approaching made me wonder and I stopped walking in the middle of the parking lot and just watched the lady to make sure she got to her car when the small black guy yelled at her a question I couldn’t make out. I am fairly sure it was asking for change, but the fact she hurried quicker meant she wasn’t interested.
So I stood there and settled on the balls of my feet (in my little black Uggs) and I just watched him. I wanted to make sure nothing happened. I was very aware of the second man to my left and slightly behind me about 20 feet. I didn’t say anything, just watched in case I need to intervene.
That is when the guy to my left and behind me loudly yelled, “6’1 or 6’2?” I knew immediately he was talking to me, but that he was actually warning his buddy I was watching. I spun on my left, keeping the small guy in site and smiled at the man with the questions.
At this time the smaller man who was accosting the woman also stopped, he turned to watch me and seemed to have forgotten the lady. She immediately took advantage and got in her car and left. Meanwhile I just smiled at the guy and yelled back “6’2”. I think he was surprised I responded to him and didn’t scuttle away.
He stood back, cocked his head and then yelled, “Where’s your husband?” I yelled back “A few blocks away, will bring him lunch when I am done here” and I motioned to him and his friend. I think he was a little shocked at my response because he pulled on his medical facemask over his nose (the man had awful teeth).
It was during this time that the little guy just faded away, I saw him moving for a moment and then he was gone in between the cars. I noticed the guy asking the question nod to me and say, “good enough for me”. He then leaned over the railing and avoided responding to me anymore.
I am more than willing to say something to someone if another person might be in danger, but if its just me I am happy with leaving. That is when I got into the car and drive off.
That would have made the day interesting, but it doesn’t even include what happened at People’s Park
I posted a bit earlier on an encounter at the Phoenix airport, but I thought I would go into a little more detail here.
The day before went really well. We ran around a bit and I went in and met some really great people at Senza Pelo Med Spa who would do my electrolysis. They were pretty damn spectacular and deserve a post later. They did nine hours of electrolysis and while my face was puffy I was (and still am) happy with the result.
That night was fine, my face looked like a prize fighter had worked me over but my goatee area had never been that smooth ever and I was ecstatic. I woke up with the bruising on my lip and chin area and puffy. I was tired, hungry (as I haven’t been able to keep down food the whole time I was down there) and I just looking forward to getting out of the 110 degree Phoenix heat. The one good thing I had was my hubby who was doing what he could to take care of me.
We drove back to the airport and I couldn’t get out of Arizona fast enough. The last two days I have been getting a lot more rude side eye, or absolute straight on staring at me. I get that at home in Seattle area of course, but I get a hell of a lot more support. Also, I don’t have to panic every time I go into a bathroom, or get the annoyed looking women when I step out of a stall.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand that Arizona might have “come a long way” but it certainly isn’t close to the Pacific Northwest (where I still have to be careful). Not once did I feel safe, not even in boy mode when I had my beard grown out.
There were supporters of course, not nearly as many but I did get smiles, head nods and some people would come over and talk with me. Not everyone is bad, and I don’t think a majority is necessarily bad, but the majority is silent and that is almost as bad. Combine this to the stupidity of the Fox News channel that was on everywhere made me remember I am not safe and I am not home.
Fast forward to the airport. I had crossed security and that went incredibly well. They were respectful and there was a lot of levity when once again I got patted down. This time it was an elderly lady but she was pretty sweet. The only weird thing is when we arrived they seemed surprised that the hubby and I got in the first class line. They obviously assume all transgender people would only fly coach and were poor. I am struggling financially but only due to student loan and FFS payment, otherwise we do pretty good for a living.
We were in the main gate area and the hubby needed to use the restroom. So I did what I normally did and stood against the wall outside the bathroom. I watched the people go by and I felt super uncomfortable. I couldn’t put much makeup on due to the swelling, I was hot, uncomfortable and was getting a lot of stares (not even side-eye, but full on staring at me as they walked by).
That is when this one conservative looking douchebro steps up, not more than a few feet from me, pulls out his phone as he is making some snide comment I didn’t quite catch and took a photo of me standing there.
I am not sure at what point of what he did that I decided “fuck it” but that was it, that was the last thing I was putting up with and for a brief moment I stepped off the wall and up to his face. I honestly don’t know what he saw but he panicked and backed up. He obviously did not expect me to react aggressively, and for some reason even though I was standing straight I don’t think he realized I was as tall as I am.
I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It is dangerous there, I could have been broadsided by someone else. I am in a hostile state, with a hell of a lot of hostile people and the worst part if I get arrested (which undoubtably would be the case if it was his word against mine) I probably go to a male jail and if I am lucky it would just be solitary.
I stopped myself and he scattered on his way like a scaredy cat. I was really angry at that point, and disappointed in myself for doing it, and disappointed I had stopped myself. It was just a natural thing to step up and part of me thought I failed for not shoving him (growing up with bikers and a father who in my childhood definitely taught me what should be done when you are insulted… although I think by the time he got older and passed he would have been happy I didn’t do something to get hurt, weird how people change over their lives). I also felt like a disappointment that I might inconvenience the husband, or if I had caused a ruckus I don’t want to add any negative press to my other trans/non-binary people.
So I stepped back against the wall. I knew he had a picture, and I knew it was a useless idea to go chasing to get it back, so instead I took a picture of myself so I could post it. It gave me some sort of feeling of control (stupid I know). For some reason I felt I needed to get my picture out there before him. So here is my picture:
Pardon the grumpiness, the tiredness and the not even close too presentableness. Tired, sweaty and no makeup with bruising starting up on my face made this not my favorite picture. Oh and Fuck Him and the horse he rode in on.
Fortunately we flew out about an hour later, and four hours later I was in Seattle and immediately felt safer, and that I was home. So here I am now home, in my house and comfortable and still really upset by that guy.
Well it happened for the first time today, something was said about my transition in front of me in a negative way and it was at work.
I was stepping into an elevator and with four other guys who work somewhere on my floor but not in any of my areas. I noticed as I stepped in that they were all sort of staring at me, not a big deal, I know I am hot. I turned around facing the door and the words, “What the fuck is that” were uttered.
It was pretty clear what was being said and why. I looked over and they were all looking away. I am sure whoever said it didn’t mean to say it aloud in my hearing but it didn’t matter. I had heard it.
The weird thing is I shut down immediately and just wanted to go home. This is not my normal reaction. Normally I will get mouthy, in people’s faces. Hell I have cornered other people in their van (while I was on foot) when they made a shooting gesture at my husband and got in their face. The just shutting down thing is not a reaction I would expect from me.
Problem is, I can’t prove which one said it and there is the off chance it is because of the clothing I am wearing (I definitely don’t worry standard business casual) but I know exactly why and I just wanted to go home.
I didn’t like that feeling at all. The rest of the day at work was great, but I didn’t feel great. The only other time that day was when I walked into the bathroom in front of someone and they immediately veered away, that was awkward but that has happened a couple of times.
I know this is the least I will have to put up with, and now that the initial shock to my system happen I think I will be fine in my reaction. However this has me totally reassessing what I want to do for a living. Working in close quarters in an office is going to be like this and that is fine.
I am just frustrated this shit was why I left the DoD, and funny enough I think this wouldn’t have happened in my actual office at this time because everyone knows me (it definitely would have happened at a minimum if I changed offices or went to training, let alone no work protections, so no regrets leaving anyways).
The funny thing out of all of this is I had one other occurrence happen a week or two ago. I was at the urinal and a guy stepped up using the one beside me and turned towards my chest. His eyes were at my boob level (and they are starting to be obvious) he stared at them for a few seconds. Then he went back to peeing and I never saw him again. I thought that was hilarious… but yesterday not so much.