Shifting Focus

The last several months have been completely overwhelming. I have been running at a spoon deficit since I started to transition and it is only getting worse. The burnout is bad, and I do feel myself slipping closer into bouts of depression again.

I was talking to the hubby and he pointed out that every single hobby I regularly participate in is to please other people. As a general rule almost all the hobbies I still partake regularly are more spoons out than in. I think I am going to do some changes. I need to stop doing things as hobbies for other people.

Take for example baking, mostly for other people. I don’t like eating that many sweets, and the sweets I do want to make are generally not favored by Americans (not sweet enough, unusual ingredients, etc). I suspect I will reduce/eliminate my baking. I will expand my cooking though. I do that for me and the hubby and I enjoy it.

I do like talking about politics, but for the last couple of years, it has been more of trying to help shift people (or outright fight with MAGA shits)… which doesn’t change things when done online. I haven’t learned much new and I certainly haven’t enjoyed it. In response to this, I dumped all my political feeds today, I probably will only do anything LBGTQIA related, and then only on occasion.

I will probably mute a lot of people who do politics only. That means my Facebook will mostly be shitposting, selfies, photos of my food and random inane shit I think about.

My video game lets plays are another thing. I do enjoy it, but the stress comes about in my desire to provide content for others.  The stress about scheduling and what games to play can sometimes get in the way of having fun. I haven’t played a video game for me in a long long time other than Battlefield and I don’t know how to even do that now. I think I might continue, but at my pace and only with the games I want to play.

My Things You Should Know channel is the most fun of the youtube but that is probably because I do that at my speed. Originally it was multiple videos a week, now if I get a video a week out I am happy and that is fine.

My photography, one of my “me only” hobbies has been curtailed severely due to the spoons it takes (money and time). That will be coming back soon.

My writing has been haphazard. That is purely for me. I think that will take a lot higher focus and I need to let that be something I come home and do, instead of putting it away so I can do things for others.

Gaming… the biggest hobby I have had over the course of my life. Currently, I am not a player in any game, so there is no “me only” focus. However, as a GM I get a lot of out it. It helps with my creativity, leads to me writing stories and bonding with friends. So it will continue. I enjoy making stories, and my technical writing skills ARE SHIT, but I am really good at the actual telling of stories (insert oral joke here).

I will also be expanding world-building not just for my current games, but future games. I very much enjoy the process of building worlds, cultures and making websites on them. I realize most people don’t read the. websites for the games they are in, let alone the others and that is ok. The websites/world-building is mostly for me. Plus if the worlds are built, its easier to run them as a game.

The one hobby that is for me and is new is makeup. I have gotten a pretty good basic foundation on it, but I think I want to get better. I want to include dressing up,  hair, etc. It is dual purpose though, the better I can do, the closer to passing I can get. This means my public life gets easier overall.

End result… I am dropping politics/news, and baking, while cutting back on video editing (but not stopping), increasing writing and makeup/girl stuff and staying the same on my gaming. Photography I will come back to eventually, just not enough spoons with the surgeries and travel for transition. So that is how I am shifting focus at this moment.