I promise I am alive

I swear I meant to keep up, but life gets busy and my medical stuff has been on such a high level of visits that I haven’t had time. However, I think I want to catch up a little before I start moving forward with new subject posts.

I just looked at the website and evidently I am not quite as far behind as I worried about, what has happened was Thanksgiving. It went fantastically. I got to spend time at home with the hubby, and a full thanksgiving dinner including an updated yams recipe that he does really well. So basically I put on about five pounds, but they are happy pounds and to be honest my ass is starting to look pretty good, and I got actually feminine hips.

You get a face pic because I don’t have a pic of my ass or hips… yet.

Work is work, I work from home 32-40hours a week (it is 32 due to medical appointments when those weeks are 32). I have been able to put aside a particularly horrible monitoring/audit and move on. It is true we will have to go back to it, but the break is nice. Also I want to say my coworkers have been decent. I have some pretty supportive coworkers, and the rest leave me alone which works for me.

Medical has been a little rougher. I am falling down regularly. two or three times a week as in full floor smacking, and a couple times a day I catch myself but no damage or fall. The weird thing is I don’t feel dizzy, I am just moving and next thing I know I am on the ground trying to figure out what the fuck happened.

The one thing about it that truly worries me a little is over the last couple of weeks I had a hard time getting back up. Last week I face-planted off the tv cabinet and laid there for a moment. I couldn’t get my legs to respond (actually I think it was only my left one). It was only for a very short time, but for a few seconds I had to concentrate and almost “feel” for my leg. It doesn’t happen all the time (the leg not responding thing) but that is a new development that does make me uncomfortable.

The other non-transitioning issue I am dealing with is the vomiting multiple times a day. Been happening for years, but it is just wearing on me. I have seen multiple doctors and been through multiple tests only to have no definitive mechanical problem except for some esophagus laxity and motility issues where it connects with my stomach. Sadly the cardio-thoracic surgeon hoped the new testing would give him a shot at fixing it, but no such luck. He is willing to fix the hernia in the future, but until the vomiting is under control he is worried I would not keep the hernia repair. Not sure where I am going with this problem except go back to my GI specialist and maybe find something else.

I do know one thing though, my anxiety makes the vomiting worse (I don’t believe it is the cause, but it contributes). So judicious use of edibles does seem to help (and is probably how I put back on 5lbs that I needed to gain). Sadly for my anxiety and vomiting that self-medication may be the only way to do it (I don’t want schedule drugs to fix it, not worth it.

Oh and I broke my temporary crown the Tuesday before thanksgiving. I have no pain, I was fortunate I only got the filling part that broke, but next Friday they are going to have me come in to start the real crown process before it gets worse. Damn all those medical problems I put off for decades are all rushing in at me. 🙂

I guess that is the “quick” catchup of my life, mostly whining about medical, but that is ok. If I can keep this up I can talk about transition stuff, and happy things :).

The bane of my existence…

It has been a struggle, my health that is. Unfortunately over the last twenty years or so I haven’t been as physical as I was when I was 21. Partially because of responsibilities, partially because of bad ankles or allergy to my sweat. However, let us be honest about this, it is mostly because I am lazy. 

For years my diet consisted of fast food, pop, candy and pretty much everything else standard in the American diet. I have for the last few years pretty much stopped pop, and fast food is actually really rare (less than once a month, and usually only if I am traveling up to Bellingham for a tattoo and I need to eat something before getting worked on). What hasn’t stopped is candy and sugar.

We actually eat meat fairly rarely, especially red meat. We also do eat a lot of bread products I am cutting down on both and I am currently staying under the 2,000 calorie diet. This has all been fairly stable except my love for the sugar. Even eating sugar I don’t break 2,000 calories very often, but its a waste to use those calories for that. Pop was really hard to stop, but I can say that I no longer like it, although on occaision I do break out a diet pepsi or a pepsi zero (although the whole 0 calories is a lie of measurement).

What I need to do now is get back to working out regularly and stop eating sugar. I am going on vacation after today until the 11th of July. We aren’t going anywhere, but it will alleviate the pressure of work. I was surprised to figure out I eat when stressed, it was more surprising that  I eat when I am bored. I have noticed I actually eat less on the weekends then I do during the weekdays. So this vacation time I am going to focus on my eating habits. It will give me almost two weeks of practice without “hurrying because of work”.

Also during this time I am going to get back into working out. I did it for awhile last year and within a few weeks the wife noticed muscle building up on my chest and shoulders (and even arms). I want to get back into that. Almost two weeks of no work means there is no excuses and I can start on a regimen. The reduction on calories and increase in exercise will hopefully start me on a path to not have lovehandles of DOOOM!!!! 

Oh, and unlike what my trainer tried to tell me to do, I won’t eat my calories I burn working out. The wife introduced me to some good books and resources on the science of weight loss and working out. Eating your burned calories is very bad for you and definitely stops you from losing the weight you want. I won’t be doing that.

So here it goes, starting tomorrow the beginning of cutting out sugar and working out (I wont cut out caffiene yet, I figure that is way too much to do).

Health

Well its official, I screwed my foot up walking up and down Alabama hill in the snow (we walked from our house to the mexican restuarant beside 7-11 yesterda) although I am tubby I am remarkably sore free except for the top of my right foot and my back (but my back was hurting yesterday before I went so I am sure I slept on it poorly).

I very much need to get in better shape, I need to shave off about 57lbs for me to be happy (drops me to a trim 220 that way). Funny enough I weigh more then certain individuals but they look heavier, but thats because my flab is “stealth flab”. Now I realize everyone will think that 220 isn’t trim, but actually on me thats pretty damn skinny (and I do look boney at 200 so 220 is good).

Now, I do have a plan for this. This week I will be going to the public pool and begin participating in Water Aerobics. I realize thats kinda funny but I still have an unresolved fracture in my left ankle, I never have been able to run very far without it hurting, this way I can do something physical and be balanced in water and not screw my foot up. I also plan on as soon as this snow is over biking more. My bike is finally out and I do enjoy riding bicycles so this will also aid me. My goal is if I can keep up the water aerobics at least three times weekly then in February I will actually go get a membership at BAC and start working out. I just wanted to start at a place I know I will do better (between my rashes from sweating and my ankle, the pool is probably the best place to start). 

Yes I realize five million people have made the same goal, but I have proven to myself as I come up on my one year quitting of pop (I have tried pop a few times and found it not so interesting) and coming up on four months of no coffee shows I can commit to something. I used to never work out and be in excellent shape due to the fact I rode my bike everywhere, thats just what I am going to have to start doing now. 

I am hoping to only be a fat bastard for a short time longer (well 6-9 months). My target weight’s target date is June 1st, thats 142 days to drop the weight, I realize I may not make it, I also realize if I build muscle I may actually not lose the weight, I guess in the end my goal is to just get rid of the flab.

Damn stealth flab.

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