Just letting everyone know I am going to be redoing the navigation for the site. Categories and tags might disappear, reappear or change. I will let you know when I am done. None of the posts themselves will disappear, you will probably be able to find anything at anytime using the search function.
I don’t know why, but the last few days I have had an urge to read some of the books I read when I was a teenager. I am sure it is slightly a nostalgic thing, but moreso I am curious how they held up… meaning I doubt most of them do.
One of the books was an action series book about bad ass mercenaries (this was in the 1980s) along with probably the first sex scene I had read in a non-porn specific book. I don’t really recall much of the book or the scene, but every so often I want to read it.
So I am going to do something dumb and start combing through the 1980s military romance novels and see if I can find it, if nothing else I guess I will get a dose of toxic masculinity that the books exude. I am not even counting the misogyny or racism (I suspect transphobia isn’t in them because it is too far removed… I hope).
I am going to start with Phoenix Force, 58 books (all under 200 pages so actually not much at all) and then move on to other series… Unless I get a few chapters in and can’t stomach it.
The worst part about all of this, I know it is going to suck, but I can’t resist it.
After this, there are a lot of other books I only vaguely remember but want to try again. One of them had something vaguely to do with an ocean world (book was probably written late 70s or early 80s). I think I will have to look into that as well. However, for now I guess I am reading a lot of toxic masculinity romance novels.
Today I wanted to post a picture of my paternal grandmother and myself, and being in an ornery mood I thought I wanted a more unusual Throwback Thursday.
Here is me visiting my grandmother at the age of 1 or 2, sometime late 1972 or early 1973 at “Purdy”, aka Washington Correct Center for Women in Pierce County, one of two women’s prisons in Washington State.
I will eventually post a real post about her, but here is a spoiler, I loved her very much, and there is a reason why my dad was like he was, at least from his starting position.
I look back and I notice that the last post I did was the beginning of May, here it is the middle of June and now I am just getting around to posting. I suspect that is because this was a lot harder recovery from surgery the normal. I think it resulted in me having a huge disassociation for a few weeks and to be honest I am still coming around. Who would have thought a tummy tuck, liposuction and fat transfer to my waist/butt/thighs would be so intense.
Don’t get me wrong, my skull surgery was definitely more “invasive” but that was the only one. This last surgery was about liposuctioning off around 1.5-2 liters of fat around my mid-section (that is all he could get out of there) and putting it around my thighs, ass and hips. He did very well with that.
Combine that with removing a twenty inch wide, and at least 6-8 inches wide set of skin, and then using a plasma device to seal it down the wound recovery was far harsher then I had anticipated externally, not even counting the suck of wearing a compression suit for 30 days. The scar is pretty big, but already starting to retreat.
That being said I think the hardest part was going through two full doses of anesthesia for my March surgery with the thyroidectomy and my April surgery and recovery. I am doing well now, and I am fairly excited that I might get my GRS (is that the correct acronym now, it feels like it keeps changing) within 18 months, then that will be the end of transgender surgeries… unless of course I want to get a little vanity work done around my eyes, or get a thigh/butt lift after my GRS/GCS, both of which are options, but are more for my personal aesthetic then trans related.
Even with all this though, I haven’t pulled at my belly once and I feel like I look really good on my abdomen, thighs, butt and hips. That will be its own set of posts though, I just wanted to share here that I am alive, functioning at almost normal and feeling really good.
Seems I am coming out of my funk, that makes me feel better. Also will mean I hope to write more, sorry about the communications silence. I hate it when I do that.
It looks like my hard recovery is mostly over.
Went to post-op yesterday. The fat transfer to my hips/thighs/butt is doing really well. Swelling is gone, we will see how much fat keeps. He said he could have used another liter of fat to finish what he wanted to do.
HAHA never wished I was a little fatter before (he stripped everything he could reach out of my mid-section and back to put it down there).
The tummy tuck incision (approximately 20″+ across) is healing well. He removed the packing with only one spot that needed air (and it is already better this morning). Evidently, he removed a tremendous amount of skin from my abdomen that was leftover because of the weight loss.
The swelling will take a long time to go down, but it looks good even now. From my understanding it takes about 2 months for the first 80% swelling to go down, then the rest over the next 4 months. He said it is swollen so much because they were extremely aggressive with the lipo and tightening the skin so when it’s done it will have the best look possible (I do not like the idea of a follow-up surgery so that is good).
I got home, went to bed, and woke up exhausted. Bleeding from my left hip a little, I probably twisted in my sleep and with it not packed, if formed a small tear. It is normal, especially for such a long wound line. Fortunately, I have a hubby who was a nurse for more than a decade, he fixed it up and it feels good.
Other than some pain, the worst part of this is immobility. I have to sleep on my back, in a compression suit (which honestly doesn’t bother me anymore, it is mostly the on my back). I forgot how much I hate only sleeping on my back when I got my breast augmentation last year. At least I don’t have 10lbs of new silicon on my chest I guess.
When I went to pre-op, one of the staff told me I will need to take 4 weeks off and it will be still a little rough. I took four weeks off (still have 2 to go on that) but I was sure I would be back early. I was wrong, LOL I don’t think I will be going back early at all.
Damn, I hate admitting I was wrong haha. That being said, I am healing well, and thank you to everyone who sent me messages ❤
I haven’t taken myself overly serious in a long long time. Before my transition that was because I just didn’t care anymore, after my transition I think it is because I have found myself and I don’t sweat silly looking things (not to be confused with dysphoria inducing things, that is a different kettle of fish).
My goal overall is to not shy away from the bad as well as to show off nice images of my life. So you will never find me artificially filtering my photos (other than maybe make them black and white, or if I am wearing makeup). I am who I am. Even if I am feeling crushed hard from surgery or something else.Continue reading “Funniest Photo of the Surgery (so far)”
Well it happened finally, on April 21st I went in and had “waist feminization”. This is a fancy way to say I had an Avelar Tummy Tuck due to massive skin left from losing 120+lbs. While the epic Dr. Mangubat was doing that, he liposuctioned all the fat he could and produced 1500ccs of fat he then transferred into my hips/thighs/buttocks. The fat transfer is a once in a lifetime possibility when removing the skin/fat on my abdomen, so I jumped on that.
This would give me a more hourglass shape. Currently I had a very rectangular shape (minus the boobs of course). From the side/back it was a rectangle with no real butt to talk about, no hip or waist. He was redistributing the area to give me a curve in the back and an actual hip/waist. Up until now, the only reason I appeared to have a waist was that apron of skin from weight loss.
Dr. Mangubat and his staff when we got there was AWESOME!!! He sat and talked with me for awhile, we did a little thing for his social media and he then drew out me in dozens of lines that I didn’t understand, and to be honest I am so impressed with plastic surgeons. It is an art of sculpting along with the whole surgery skill aspect.
The surgery went fantastically, but was brutal to get me home. The hubby had to get me into bed by himself and with me being 6’2″ and him being 5’6″ that must have been a funny thing. Although evidently it went way better than FFS 2 last year.
By the end of the first day, I woke up and tottered into the bathroom and saw in a mirror and saw I am bruised, battered AND SWOLLEN like the Michelin Tire person, but you can already see curves and I realize the swelling takes up to six months to go down. I also know that it is natural that your body won’t retain all the fat transferred, and the results should still be close, but may not be nearly what you think. It especially won’t be that size because I went in weighting 221lbs, and came out weighing 248lbs from the Tumescent fluid and inflammation.
Editor’s note, today exactly one week out I am back at 221lbs and swollen still like a mostly michiline tire person. Means I might have actually lost a couple of pounds since I am missing 50+ square inches of skin in my abdomen, not a recommended way to lose weight itself, but I will take it.
I figure I will stop with my post here at the first day, and upload as I can the rest of the recover (still only 1 week out so I have a lot of recovery to do).
Project Throwback: April 16, 1986
Here is my little brother at this tiny amusement park outside Lake Tahoe Nevada when we were homeless back in 1985-1987.
Considering we spent most of the time cold, tired and hungry living in a car. This combined with the anxiety that our family (my parents specifically) had an actual contract out on them for almost a year, meant our childhood was not a normal white kid childhood. This doesn’t even include bikers, violence and lots and lots of cops.
It is nice to see that we got glimpses of normality.
PS. Yes there will be a time I will talk about that more openly, just working my way into being able to talk publicly about the details.
Project Throwback: April 16, 2016
Also a Flashback Friday!!!
It had been a really rough couple of months. My father had passed away on February 11th, and a close friend of the family named Jimbo had just passed away on April 1st.
The hubby had just taken me to Babeland for some shopping, and on our way home he wanted to get me food at Dicks Cheeseburgers (the name is appropriate for having shopped at Babeland). While we were waiting we came across this majestic sight of a goat on a car.
I got a video and a bad picture. I don’t keep random photos often, especially blurry like the photo itself, but how often do you see a goat on a van?
That and the shopping had cheered me up. The hubby was an extra awesome hubby that day.
Project Throwback: July 7, 1982
Here is the hubby before we met (and before he transitioned). Doing the normal 10-year-old thing of trying to impress his parents. God, I love all the pictures of him. I just wish we could have met earlier than 16.
Project Throwback: April 14, 2013
It is uncommon for the hubby to get pictures of me. Especially pictures I am not aware of. Here is one of those, plus a second from same day (but I was aware of that).
The hubby decided on this day to take a couple of pictures of me. Evidently, he couldn’t get enough of my “Magically Delicious” butt with those Lucky Charm pajamas while he was working on his school work (this is before he came out).
He also got a pic of me later in the day getting tattoo work. Of course, this is all four+ years before I started to transition. I ended up losing that weight since then. I have no idea who the woman was though, and it was vaguely uncomfortable that my tattoo artist had her stay to watch. I was pretty dysphoric anyways (no one knew) and I hated who I was.
This picture is closer to what I look like about 18 months ago. I suspect it will look even different in four weeks after my Avelar Tummy Tuck and fat transfer as well next week.
By the way, I still love my tattoos, in fact I love them even more. The left arm tattoo has been filled out and vastly expanded into 1/2 to 2/3 sleeve as well.